ponderances

Reading our Story/History/ Nap time today we went through a couple of chapters of the Life of James Madison... America's 4th President, one of the main framers of the US Constitution and one of the minds behind the Constitutional Convention.

One of the arguments...of many... at the Constitutional Convention was over how to count slaves. The Southern States wanted to count slaves as part of the population, though they were treated as property, and given no rights. The Northern States felt that was a power grab and didn't want to count them at all. They compromised on the 3/5th rule, counting each slave as 3/5ths of a person.

Whereas to my modern mind this idea is asinine, I found myself agreeing to this compromise. It would've been an abuse to count them fully since they were given no freedom, no say in their lives let alone their country; and yet the nation needed to be united, which always takes give and take or compromise.

Now I've never been a fan of compromise. My strong convictions and personality have viewed it as it's verb form, to make a shameful or disreputable concession; and not it's noun form, more of the each side gives a little/ settlement of differences.
The last year has been a lesson in what I've been calling "Godly compromise" Where others don't agree with my convictions I've been learning to give them grace, allow God to have control, and let each of us be "fully convinced in their own mind." Living out Romans 14 (just read all of it..it's really good! (; lol) in my daily life and not trying to be the Holy Spirit in the lives of others. The way I've been looking at the Constitutional Convention compromises, probably is the fruit of the last year's training in real "noun" compromise :)

More vocabulary fun!

So tonight, after discussing the difference between allusion and illusion over dinner.....
Kiddos and I are singing camp songs and doing tongue twisters by the pc when Neno (6) says:
"Look A and B. Which comes first???? A!" He has a large wooden letter A and the matching B.
A few minutes later.... after another round of "She sells sea shells by the sea shore."......
Neno: "Look, B is younger. BA. I have BA." ;0)
I laughed pretty hard, but refused to explain! LOL

My Son ~ Imagine This

When Billy had just turned eight
He was all alone in a boat
By his house on the lake
He laid back as he closed his eyes
And he drifted off to sleep
He awoke to the sound of crashing waves
His boat was a million miles away
And just when he thought he'd seen the end
He heard his father's voice again, he said...

Son just take my hand
Rest your feet on solid land
Keep your eyes laid on me
Don't be swayed by the sea
And I will lead you home

You know that I live for You
But sometimes I get caught in the storm
And I fall
You know when I'm in that boat
And the world comes seeping in
Sometimes I start sinking in the sea
Sometimes I'm in way too deep for me
Sometimes when I'm crying out for fear
I hear You whisper in my ear, You say...

Son just take my hand
Rest your feet on solid land
Keep your eyes laid on me
Don't be swayed by the sea
And I will lead you home


Sang this to m' Daddy when he was sick. He was pretty sure this was gonna be it, but it was rough. Imagine his little girl (not yet 16 years old) with out her daddy so young. It was the only thing "holding him back," he so wanted to "go home." I cried through it, and only knew the second verse and chorus, but he liked it anyway. Told me how ready he was to be safely on the other shore, and shared with me his longing to be here with Jodi still.

She and I sang to him together, well, sorta, as it was after he had already gone home.
"Some glad morning when this life is o're, I'll fly away. To a home on God's celestial shore, I'll fly away."

Tenderness

Tenderness ~ All Star United

Hush baby, don't cry
Just try to remember the time
When all your pitfalls and fears
Became mine


And when we fall apart
Just one thing takes me back to the start


Chorus:
Tenderness
Put my heart to rest
Your tenderness
Hits me to the bone
Tenderness
When my head's a mess
Your tenderness
Keeps me coming home


Hush baby, don't cry
This rings in my head all the time
And still
I tend to forget your words


When I'm the swan in my full dive
Just one thing keeps me alive


Repeat chorus


BRIDGE
And so it seems to me
To all of us here
The answer is clear
That you need a little less stress
And some more tenderness.


Repeat chorus

Higher Calling

It occurs to me, that there is no higher calling than that to which God has called you.
No matter who you are, as long as you seek to honor God in what you do, it is the high calling for you. Whether the task is noble or ignoble matters not; for not every vessel is for noble purposes, but some for common, ordinary uses.

Diapers and dishes, laundry and learning may not be the "sold out," "on fire" servant I sometimes imagine I am supposed to be, but it is where He has placed me.

And that is really the only thing that matters.
To be in the center of God's will.

"Here am I, thy hand maiden, Acceptance-with-Joy" ~Let it be.~

Lessons from the Seasons : Winter

As I mentioned in my first outline, winter is a time to "Be still and know"

While that sounds really restful (and a little abstract,) there is work going on in it.
During the winter months, as plants cease from the work of growing, maturing and producing fruit, they take on a different work..... the roots grow deeper.
I see in this analogy, that as we rest and wait on the Lord, we will grow more firm in our foundation. This has been true in my experience, though it can mostly be seen in hind sight.
Some of the most difficult times in my life became forced winters; and all I could do was be still. And it is during those same times that I grew so much more than during the easier days of springs and summers.
It brings to mind that it is not our working that does great things, but God's working in us.
"He who began a good work in you, will carry it on to completion."

Those dark and sometimes gloomy days can, in future times, be a beautiful reminder of His care and grace. My desperate moments when all I could do was cry, not even "cry out" just cry, are the times when I was upheld, and closest to my Lord.

Winters don't seem to be sweet times, like autumns. They have beauty all their own, yet they can contain some real difficulties. Maybe if I took time to "be still and know" when it wasn't out of sheer inability to do anything else, then I wouldn't see them this way. ;) But this has been my experience.

Lessons from the Seasons : Autumn

So I didn't take the time to write up Autumn's lessons during Autumn, but that maybe because it is a very busy season ;)

Autumn is In Gathering time. The time when the maturing of summer turns out the fruits for harvesting. :D

For me this period always seems shorter than the time spent producing the fruit!
Months or years can go into a harvest. Some trees wont bear fruit for 7 years. Lilacs wont flower for about that long. Yet the blossoms only last a matter of weeks, once a year, with the right conditions.
I seem to be like that. Lots of work goes into maturing, lots into pruning, and caring for young fruit; but the harvest is good, even if it is the shorter part.

Lately I have reaped the benefit from years of working on certain areas by the affirmation and encouragement of other saints.

Autumn is also time to prepare for winter, and do trimming. You can mulch or fertilize, to enrich soil and help it through the days ahead. This is probably a good time to have a retreat or just a small time for only you and God to get together with fewer distractions.

(Once again, these are just the beginning of ideas that were forming in my head last spring (; )

The Blues ~ Switchfoot

The Blues


Is this the New Year or just another night?
Is this the new fear or just another fright?
Is this the new tear or just another desperation?

Is this the finger or just another fist?
Is this the kingdom or just a hit and miss?
I miss direction most in all this desperation

Is this what they call freedom?
Is this what you call pain?
Is this what they call discontented fame?

It'll be a day like this one
When the world caves in
When the world caves in
When the world caves in

I'm singing this one like a broken piece of glass
From broken hearts and broken noses in the back
Is this the New Year or just another desperation?

You're pushing till you're shoving
You bend until you break
Do you stand on the broken fields where our fathers lay

It'll be a day like this one
When the world caves in
When the world caves in
When the world caves in
When the world caves in
When the world caves in
When the world caves in

Is there's nothing here worth saving,
Is no one here at all?
Is there any net left that could break our fall?

It'll be a day like this one
When the sky falls down and the hungry and poor and deserted are found
Are you discontented? Have you been pushing hard?
Have you been throwing down this broken house of cards?

It'll be a day like this one
When the world caves in
When the world caves in
When the world caves in

Is there nothing left now?
Nothing left to sing
Are there any left who haven't kissed the enemy?
Is this the New Year or just another desperation?

Does justice never find you? Do the wicked never lose?
Is there any honest song to sing besides these blues?

And nothing is okay
Till the world caves in
Till the world caves in
Till the world caves in
Till the world caves in
Till the world caves in
Until the world caves in
Until the world caves in
Until the world caves in
Until the world caves in
Until the world caves in
Until the world caves in

What's in a day?

I've noticed some patterns in my life that strike me as odd. How is it that these things line up? Do I make associations that really aren't connected? Well, maybe sometimes, but others there's just no way I could make it happen.

This is a hard week. I knew it would be. It really does feel bitter and sweet, an almost indescribable sort of pang, but at least it isn't overwhelming.

Wednesday it will be 9 years since my daddy died of cancer. I miss him, but I'm soooo glad he isn't here suffering through this life! The odd correlations here are that it will also be the 5th anniversary of the loss of a pregnancy; and that my Uncle died yesterday with a very similar story. Aggressive cancer found too late, very short hospice, dies within 3 days of when my dad did.
It's all culminating in my Blues.

This baby was due 9-9-05; and as it would turn out we were having a D&C that day for the second miscarriage of that year. Another oddity.

Maybe I'm too nostalgic. I really shouldn't live in the past. I try not to, but every so often, I'm stuck there for awhile. Maybe it's part of the "processing" we are supposed to have to do. Or maybe I'm just a dork.

Reminiscing can be dangerous....you may remember things you were glad you forgot.

Catharsis

Had fun today with vocabulary.
Catharsis has been a favorite word of mine lately, usually used as cathartic, but it's the same ;)

Mo's reading had a few words she didn't know so we used that to continue our learning about alphabetizing and dictionary use.
Talkative was one of her words, and it was defined with another of my favorite self descriptions "loquacious;" so we talked about Mommy being loquacious and Daddy being taciturn.

Looking up taciturn then, we read all of the definitions and used them in sentences about ourselves.

I used several words including reticent, and garrulous and Mo replied with "Yeah, Daddy can be uncommunicative." ;)

I was excited, but maybe I'm easy to impress

Post 130, Psalm 130 (and 25)

Psalm 130

A song of ascents.

¹ Out of the depths I cry to you, O LORD;

² O Lord, hear my voice.
Let your ears be attentive
to my cry for mercy.

³ If you, O LORD, kept a record of sins,
O Lord, who could stand?

⁴ But with you there is forgiveness;
therefore you are feared.

⁵ I wait for the LORD, my soul waits,
and in his word I put my hope.

⁶ My soul waits for the Lord
more than watchmen wait for the morning,
more than watchmen wait for the morning.

⁷ O Israel, put your hope in the LORD,
for with the LORD is unfailing love
and with him is full redemption.

⁸ He himself will redeem Israel
from all their sins.

Psalm 25

1To you, O LORD, I lift up my soul;

² in you I trust, O my God.
Do not let me be put to shame,
nor let my enemies triumph over me.

³ No one whose hope is in you
will ever be put to shame,
but they will be put to shame
who are treacherous without excuse.

⁴ Show me your ways, O LORD,
teach me your paths;

⁵ guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior,
and my hope is in you all day long.

⁶ Remember, O LORD, your great mercy and love,
for they are from of old.

⁷ Remember not the sins of my youth
and my rebellious ways;
according to your love remember me,
for you are good, O LORD.

⁸ Good and upright is the LORD;
therefore he instructs sinners in his ways.

⁹ He guides the humble in what is right
and teaches them his way.

¹⁰ All the ways of the LORD are loving and faithful
for those who keep the demands of his covenant.

¹¹ For the sake of your name, O LORD,
forgive my iniquity, though it is great.

¹² Who, then, is the man that fears the LORD ?
He will instruct him in the way chosen for him.

¹³ He will spend his days in prosperity,
and his descendants will inherit the land.

¹⁴ The LORD confides in those who fear him;
he makes his covenant known to them.

¹⁵ My eyes are ever on the LORD,
for only he will release my feet from the snare.

one of the best sentences in the whole world!!!!! IMO

From:

Winne-the-Pooh
~A. A. Milne
Chapter Nine
In Which
Piglet Is Entirely Surrounded by Water

"In after-years he liked to think that he had been in Very Great Danger during the Terrible Flood, but the only danger he had really been in was in the last half hour of his imprisonment, when Owl, who had just flown up, sat on a branch of his tree to comfort him, and told him a very long story about an aunt who had once laid a seagull's egg by mistake, and the story went on and on, rather like this sentence, until Piglet who was listening out of his window with out much hope, went to sleep quietly and naturally, slipping slowly out of the window towards the water until he was only hanging on by his toes, at which moment luckily, a sudden loud squawk from Owl, which was really part of the story, being what his aunt said, woke the Piglet up and just gave him time to jerk himself back into safety and say, "How interesting, and did she?" when -- well, you can imagine his joy when at last he saw the good ship, The Brain of Pooh (Captain, C. Robin; 1st Mate, P. Bear) coming over the sea to rescue him."

My Bubble

I spend almost all of my time in a sphere of like minded people.
Maybe we don't agree all the time, but "If two people agree on everything, one of them is unnecessary"
Also, for back ground, I'm taking a class called "Woman: Aware and Choosing" (WAC)

I went out last night with some ladies from a whole different life style and world view. It was interesting. Most of it was fine, some was a little uncomfortable. After coming home, I couldn't sleep...I had just eaten a whole cannoli! ;0) So I read in my WAC book. It was encouraging that it said right in there I don't have to justify my choices! to anyone really. I am able to make decisions, but I owe no one an explanation.

My choices are very counter culture.
I stay home and take care of my husband's and children's needs. I teach them. I encourage other mothers in our work. I worship and pray. I typically don't watch TV when I do have a spare minute, and I never eat bon bons. ;0)
Society may say I am foolish to just do these things....I'm not "contributing to our home" because I don't bring in a paycheck. I am crazy to "ruin my kids" keeping them home from school; and what about the poor school that's "missing their money" because they have one less child? Why do I have so many? Don't I realize the world is crowded?
I don't have to give anyone the answers to all of these questions.
Certainly God can be glorified in my answers to some, but I really have no need to try to argue my decisions, nor allow myself to feel bad because people don't understand me. I have a right to choose the intention of the question and the freedom to simply not answer.

That was freeing for me.
I hope it is for someone else too.

Lessons from the Seasons : Summer

With summer in full swing and HOT here in So Cal, I'm compelled to continue the series I started; Lessons from the Seasons.

So far, my summer lesson has been maturity and weeding!

Our plants 'new spring growth' gains in size, strength and color.
We see areas of our spiritual growth start to show baby fruit, ripening, maturing.

We also see amongst all the beauty, the weeds!
No where do I see this better illustrated than my tumble weeds.
I pulled out over 142 from only one side of one of my iris beds...yes, I counted. Where I pulled every little to big sized weed one morning, I found medium sizes that evening! Where did it come from? How did it grow sooo fast?!?

In this analogy, I see 'little' sins in life grow quickly! Maybe you feel you just weeded, but now there's something growing, again. "Take every thought captive" means constant weeding!!!
The good news is that the littler they are the shallower the root; much easier to pull out.

I hope this encourages diligence. Soon the Autumn will come to enjoy the harvest of the promising fruit you see!

Who's children are they anyway?

A parent’s right to raise their children as they see fit is a time-honored American tradition, but today it is being threatened. The Supreme Court’s Troxel v. Granville decision in 2000 undermined a 75-year heritage of Constitutionally-protected, fundamental parental rights, which 8 of the 9 justices abandoned. At the same time, a growing body of international law fuels activist judges to legislate foreign standards from the American bench, while treaties such as the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child would subject parental decisions to government oversight and international review.

Rep. Pete Hoekstra (MI-2) has proposed HJR-42, the Parental Rights Amendment, to stop the erosion of parental rights in American courts while simultaneously defending our laws from international invasion. Please, visit parentalrights.org to learn more about the Amendment, and to join their email network by signing the petition to protect parental rights.

Are you willing?

Am I?

I was reading in Isaiah this evening.
I came across this
Isaiah 20
"....the LORD spoke through Isaiah son of Amoz. He said to him, "Take off the sackcloth from your body and the sandals from your feet." And he did so, going around stripped and barefoot. Then the LORD said, "Just as my servant Isaiah has gone stripped and barefoot for three years....."

Naked and barefoot for 3 years to obey God!!!
I sometimes wonder if God asks us to do outrageous things and we think... "God wouldn't really ask that of me." it makes no mention of what Isaiah felt, just that he obeyed.

Anyway, it made me think.... so I thought I'd share the pleasure. ;0)

Goals

I'm not the type of person who has a written list of goals to accomplish.
The closest I come to that is probably the occasional "to do list" which probably comes down to the fact I really like crossing things off the list!

I was thinking however, that I do have some set goals that I continually work toward.
We have set (long ago) some traditions that are important to us, things we want to pass on to our kids, or at least make memories they will enjoy for years to come. Those things we make a purpose to add to our lives now, which is the process of reaching our goals.

We want to teach our kids about money. How to tithe, save, spend; how to avoid the pitfalls of being miserly or frivolous. We use a standard Deut 6 approach
⁴ Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. ⁵ Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. ⁶ These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. ⁷ Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. ⁸ Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. ⁹ Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.

Last evening I had the chance to allow my kiddos to spend their money in a God honoring way and that's when it hit me that I actually do have goals, and things we are working toward...whether or not I write it down. ;0)

Maybe you, like me, get discouraged by others who say you need to do things this way or that.... scheduling, writing down goals, or whatever it may be...
I say follow God as the person He made you. He made us all different for a reason, and no it isn't just to bug those Type A's who thing we should all be like them.

Praise

Psalm 150

¹ Praise the LORD.
Praise God in his sanctuary;
praise him in his mighty heavens.

² Praise him for his acts of power;
praise him for his surpassing greatness.

³ Praise him with the sounding of the trumpet,
praise him with the harp and lyre,

⁴ praise him with tambourine and dancing,
praise him with the strings and flute,

⁵ praise him with the clash of cymbals,
praise him with resounding cymbals.

⁶ Let everything that has breath praise the LORD.
Praise the LORD.

Psalm 149 ^:3 Let them praise his name with dancing
and make music to him with tambourine and harp.

Is it just me or do you get the feeling that the psalmist wants us to praise with everything we've got?

Ever feel like your church doesn't?

Good News! You don't have to be in a "church" to worship "in Spirit and in truth!"

You are the church! Hallelu Yah!

Do it every where, all the time, and with all you've got!

Psalm 103

²⁰ Praise the LORD, you his angels,
you mighty ones who do his bidding,
who obey his word.

²¹ Praise the LORD, all his heavenly hosts,
you his servants who do his will.

²² Praise the LORD, all his works
everywhere in his dominion.
Praise the LORD, O my soul.

Let everything that has breath praise the LORD!

Speaking in tongues?

My sweet little man and I were cozily saying "bed time prayers" together the other night, when our cat, Sasha, decided to join us.
As she crept across his pillow he said, "Hey. You weren't invited into my prayers. It's not your turn. You know, Mom, I help Sasha pray sometimes in her own cat language."

The Divine Frying Pan

Do you remember cartoon characters chasing each other with frying pans? The idea of needing to hit someone over the head with something to get it to stick always reminds me of them.

Sometimes I think I am in need of God's Divine Frying Pan to smack the sense into me!
This surrender issue, is the heart of most of my issues in life. I once again have visited the anxious part of myself and had a revelation.

There I was in Walmart...(where all great thinking is done) catching up with some friends who are trying to leave for the mission field soon, when out of my mouth come anxious words I didn't know were in my heart until then.
"Under the current administration, we may be out of a job at some point soon." :O There was a meeting at work that day.... I was thinking somewhere inside of me that it may be lay offs (which the company had just announced 700 layoffs in another area) and I was unaware that it was even there until I suddenly said it to them!
Thankfully we have recently memorized Philippians 4:6-7 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the Peace of God which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." (Please forgive the punctuation...I didn't memorize that! (0; ) The Spirit spoke that out of my mouth directly after the above confession. I'd almost say regurgitated is the best description. LOL. So after all that, I keep going..."God knows we will feel anxious at times, but gives us the instructions, go to God in prayer and He will help you not to be anxious." It seems so simple, and yet for me it was so profound! I'm still thanking Him for bringing that to me!

There have been lots of those moments, of needing to remember not to be anxious. It's tough to learn a new trait.
Psalm 116
5The LORD is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion.

⁶ The LORD protects the simplehearted; when I was in great need, he saved me.

⁷ Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the LORD has been good to you.

¹⁶ O LORD, truly I am your servant; I am your servant, the son of your maidservant, you have freed me from my chains.

¹⁷ I will sacrifice a thank offering to you and call on the name of the LORD.

¹⁸ I will fulfill my vows to the LORD in the presence of all his people,

¹⁹ in the courts of the house of the LORD— in your midst, O Jerusalem.
Praise the LORD.

To catch a Pumpkin

Today the "bigs" have been playing hide and seek with Aliyah being "it"

Tonight, as I relax on the sofa nursing Brianna; Aliyah sits beside me "reading" a book. I notice on the other side of the room a very strange occurrence. A baby doll, attached by a shoelace to a hanger is bobbing up and down repeatedly in the doorway.
**Imagine the carrot on the end of a stick.**
It continues a while as I hear muffled laughs and snorts from the culprits.

Apparently, they were "baiting" her to come and play again! Unfortunately, it did not manage to get her attention. Maybe they should've made crying sounds to go with it?

I found it hilarious, but you may have had to be there.

Lessons from the Seasons : Spring

As I attempt to do all the Spring cleaning and chores that I need to get done, I've been feeling a lesson building up, that I thought I'd share.

We have 15 fruit trees, 13 other trees, several Yucca and roses, and plans for a veggie garden.
The trees have needed some proper pruning for about a decade, so it is a lot of work. The first one I did took 2 days with an hour to two hours invested each day! just on the cutting.

As I am out there in God's beautiful handiwork, watching the bees pollinate the plum tree as I decide which branch to cut and which to leave, my heart thought of the different work of the different seasons.
Ecclesiastes 3:1
^"1To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven."

Spring is a time of new growth, and lots of it... which is about where I've been feeling I am in life, right now. The trees are putting out new buds and branches in every direction, and where they are good things to have, not all of them are growing in a good direction. And too many aren't good either. So I cut away unnecessary growth, and choose the best ones in the right directions to leave to grow.
I've been praying as I do for God's direction in how things should be; and then the thought came that God's wisdom is needed for the direction of my new growth too. Maybe there's too much going on and I need to thin out, or maybe some things are growing in a direction that wont be best. He knows and will help me to thin and grow in the ways He sees best.

The other seasons aren't as developed in my head as spring is since it has been shown to me recently, but here is a brief idea. I'll continue searching.
Summer is a time for maturing and bearing fruit.
Fall is the season of harvesting and reaping what you've sown.
Winter is the time to "Be still and know."

I think I happen to be in a spring time in my life during spring this year, but that you can be in any of the spiritual seasons regardless of the climate. ;0)

Everyone wants to go to Heaven

Ok I know I haven't blogged for awhile, then crank out 3 in one sitting. Kinda goofy, but what else would you expect from me? :-P
I've had several thoughts I've wanted to share here, then by the time I get here, it's all gone! Gotta work while I can remember. :-D

So Heaven. Everyone wants to go there right. Well I've started to wonder.... why?
You hear people who want to go there because they don't want to go to hell.
Because Dad, Grandma, my kitten, whoever is there.
Because they don't believe there's anywhere else to go.
Because it's supposed to be a really great place where the list of adverse things I don't like are gone....forever.

But I wonder, isn't there really only one reason to truly want to go?
To be with God.

As I thought of this an analogy came to my mind.
Suppose someone said they want to come to your house, but only because they really don't want to go to jail. or because someone else is going to be there that they want to see. or because you have really great food and your house is amazing.
Do you really want that person, who obviously doesn't care about you, to come to your house?

What is our attitude about it? Are we in it to avoid negative consequences? To see someone we knew here on earth and loved? Do we love God for "His stuff?"
Let that not be true!
Let us love God who loved us so much to leave His heavenly throne to die to bring us to Himself!!! And let us desire to be in His presence eternally.

When my kids talk about going to heaven and seeing each other there, I tell them. "You know, when we are there in the very presence of God, I don't think we'll care about much else. Yes, I'll be there, you'll be there, but the most important of all God is there!"

Mine Ebenezer

"Ebenezer" is the name Samuel gave a memorial stone, saying "Hitherto hath the Lord helped us" (1 Sam. 7:1-12)

Like Much Afraid in Hind's Feet on High Places, I have my memorial stones; though unlike Samuel I haven't named any... yet.
I've been feeling the need to "raise mine Ebenezer" lately. I have been moving forward toward the prize at a faster pace for a few months, and I feel that "hither by Thy help I'm come." Everything truly does seem to be "working together," which I know it always has and yet seems so much more really happening. Everything pointing in the same direction, in all areas of my life, to bring me closer and closer to Him.

So Here I raise mine Ebenezer. My memorial blog, carved out somewhere (lost) in cyberspace.
For Hitherto hath the Lord helped me overcome myself.

Amusing (to me)

Last night Ysa decided to repeat everything I say. This is a new game.... one I don't care much for.
So she hears me tell hubby that I will "show her what it's like on the receiving end" and she thinks that will be cool.
So tonight she asks to "play" the game again.

I repeat what she says. When she starts to ask me questions she really wanted an answer to, I simply repeat her question. I repeat her laughs, snorts and chortles. I'm thinking that I'm pretty annoying, but that doesn't quell her fun.
She starts replying to her questions for me.
Ysa: "Mommy is this fun?" I: repeat
Ysa: "Yes Ysa. This is fun. We should do it every night" I: repeat

So after we do that a few times she really thinks she's got it...
Ysa: "Hey Ysa. We should go eat all the candy canes in the candy cane holder!"

That's about where I tackled her with tickles until she couldn't talk any more.
This may be the best option for stopping the parrot game.

Pride, goeth!

I struggle with issues of pride.
Please don't send me messages saying you don't think I'm prideful, this only adds to it!
It seems even when I try to be less prideful I find I am only more self focused trying to fix it! **Arg**

I may be defining more things as pride than are technically considered pride. But arrogance, conceit, vanity, disdain of others, inordinate self-esteem are all synonymous with pride, so I don't think I'm stretching the definition too far. Being self focused, IMO, is pride.

Straight from www.merriam-webster.com
synonyms proud , arrogant , haughty , lordly , insolent , overbearing , supercilious , disdainful mean showing scorn for inferiors. proud may suggest an assumed superiority or loftiness. arrogant implies a claiming for oneself of more consideration or importance than is warranted . haughty suggests a consciousness of superior birth or position <haughty aristocrat>. lordly implies pomposity or an arrogant display of power <lordly condescension>. insolent implies contemptuous haughtiness . overbearing suggests a tyrannical manner or an intolerable insolence <overbearing supervisor>. supercilious implies a cool, patronizing haughtiness . disdainful suggests a more active and openly scornful superciliousness <disdainful of their social inferiors>.

Any time I question God, really I'm showing arrogance. Who am I to think He should have to answer to me?

Needing to be right or to correct someone else; the need to be understood; the need to have the last word; a "my rights" attitude; all prideful behaviors.

What about those times when you find someone else's company a little "beneath" your IQ? Conceit. And, after all, your IQ wont get you to Heaven!
I was recently in this position at a fellowship, when the Spirit smote me:
1 Samuel 16:7

7 But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."

I thought again and said, in matters of the Spirit, I am far less mature!

James 4:6; 1 Peter 5:5; Prov.3:34 :
"God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble."

Now check out these definitions of humble:
1: not proud or haughty : not arrogant or assertive
2: reflecting, expressing, or offered in a spirit of deference or submission <humble apology>
There it is again that word submission, or as I often use it, surrender.

I decided to share this all here (for all three of you who read it) because pride loves to have others only see the good, presentable side. If pride is to be slain, he must first be stripped of his power. (Mark 3:27...sort of)

A message from my heart

Last week, I read a news article that broke my heart. A sweet little toddler had been beaten to death by her mom and step dad. She had even reached up and said "I love you, Mommy." and I couldn't even finish the article I was too overwhelmed....

It came to me that the Lord was grieved also, that His compassion for her was far greater than mine and that my compassion was a gift from Him. Then as I was thinking how those responsible for her death should be beaten to death; it occurred to me that my sins also deserve death! That the Lord feels compassion for them so much so that He died a horrible death, and that they really need to know that forgiveness. The only thing separating me from them was Jesus' forgiveness.

So I thought I had two special messages from the Lord and that I should share them with you.

One, we cannot fathom how wide and high and long and deep is the love of God; that He is of tenderest compassion. The other, that each person, regardless of our view of them, is precious to Him; so much so that He died to save them! A truth I sometimes need reminding of.

Tis greater to give

Campus Crusade for Christ is requesting our help to feed orphan children in Zimbabwe.
They have the food, they just need to ship it there, and that's what a donation can help.
10 cents ships a meal.
How many dimes do you have lying around?

When I challenged my kids, they ransacked their change jars and bear banks and came up with
515 meals!
They can't wait to change the lives of those kids with hope, and the food they need for body and soul!
You can give online here.
Or by mail to:
Campus Crusade for Christ
PO Box 628222
Orlando, FL 32832

"Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world." James 1:27

Signs of strength or of weakness

Many of my friends know that I don't eat chocolate.
Some find this to be a strength, will power or discipline.

As I was talking with Ysa yesterday though, I suddenly had an epiphany.
It is no sign of strength, but a sign of weakness.

I do absolutely NO chocolate because I cannot do moderation.
All things in moderation.... for me that does not include chocolate!

So since I cannot discipline myself to only do a little, I do none.
It really is easier, for me.
And thus, I find it to be a weakness.

Wherever I go...... there I am

Not exactly profound.

Just a little rant about mirrors.
I've never been overly fond of them; at our last home we only had the small medicine cabinet mirror.
Here however, I can't escape them... in my room anyway.
Both closets have double sliding mirror doors, the chest of drawers has a large mirror on it, the dresser has a small mirror on it, and there's a standing mirror (was my hubby's growing up) up against the wall facing one of the closets. Then there are two more in the master bath.
Just about anywhere in here I see me, sometimes multiples of me! It's really weird to see every move you make. A couple of times I have turned away from one only to be facing another, and with more than one side of me showing at the same time! ugh.

I'm sure I'll get used to it with time.

Two Months Already!

Brianna is two months old today.
Wow.
It really makes me wonder how time can fly by and stand still all at the same time!

She saw her Dr for her 2 month check today.
All is well. She has had a small cold courtesy of her siblings, but that aside she's a healthy little sweetie!
She is now 10 lbs. 15 oz. and 23 1/2 inches long.
That's 4lbs 5 oz. gained in the last 2 months!
Her face is rounding out quite a bit, but not too much of that has touched her thighs ;0)

meant for you (and me)

In our Sunday School class we have been covering the book of John.
On our first Sunday being back after Brianna's birth, we covered John 16. Verse 21 struck me.
I had repeated it to myself (sometimes aloud) during labor.

"A woman, when she is in labor, has sorrow because her hour has come; but as soon as she has given birth to the child, she no longer remembers the anguish, for the joy that a human being has been born into the world."

Like I said, I was reminding myself of it over and over.... "we're almost through"....." you wont remember this part when it's over".......

Then when we were in class and we read it, I got to thinking.
Jesus is talking to his disciples....men!.... and he is using a birth analogy.
For me this meant one important truth.
This passage was a statement for me! (and maybe you too (0; )
All of the bible is really God's love letter to His children, so it shouldn't be surprising to have something that seemed to be spoken directly to me. A wonderful reminder for me though that the Living Word is true "yesterday, today and tomorrow" as true for me here and now as it was for the disciples then.

But I do kind of wonder how much head scratching was done when Jesus spoke these things to these men. ;)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Couldn't resist linking this one up for the blog and share too. ;)

The potty song

Aliyah was not feeling so well about a week ago, and I took her into the doctor to see what was up.
With her history we often check on the kidneys whenever there is a tummy trouble, to rule out any kidney issues.

So since it was late on a Friday, we didn't get her pee pee in the bag in good time.
The following Wednesday she had her ultrasound anyway, so trying to get everything done in one trip, I put her new bag on before we left. That was sometime around 11AM.
The ultrasound was at 1PM and still an empty bag, but we saw a full bladder on the screen soooo any time now...right?
Nope.
So we traveled to the other side of town to the doctor's area..... nothin'
We went to WalMart to kill time. Still no pee pee.
Off we go to the Drs bathroom to try for some inspiration.
There she tells me if I take the "sticker" (the bag) off she'll go in the potty. (and the cup)
After trying this for some time, I gave up entirely!

Fast forward to the next morning.
A sweet little Aliyah face peeks over the bed with her usual wake up call.
Then she sits comfortably next to the bed to play and sing.
"I not pee in da bag" she sings.....
LOL
I couldn't believe she was singing about that silly bag and her will to avoid using it!
One battle I'm not going to fight.

*W*I*N*

No this isn't just my competitive nature rearing it's ugly head....
it's an acronym for What's Important Now.

I've been thinking about this a lot.
What is most important for this moment.
For daily and weekly tasks this can be as simple as it's time to get dinner ready or plan the center piece for Saturday's Boutique.

Even bigger though is this place in history.
With everything that's going on around us I am reminded that we are only here temporarily. I need to be "about my Father's business" continually.
That's always been true, but I am one of those people who need reminders about WIN.

Anyway, just wanted to share.

My life as a ping pong ball

I wrote a while back about change being ok by me, most change anyway.

Lately, I've started to feel like change would be pretty nice if it slowed down a little. Soooo many changes in such a short time leaves me feeling a bit like a ping pong ball. Always being smacked back and forth with no real break in between.

Along with all the changes I've mentioned in recent blogs, we have had changes in my hubby's work schedule too. In February he changed "temporarily" to second shift; in September the hours of that shift were changed to 2 hours earlier. Now we are changing to days again, but it may only be for a couple of weeks. I've changed bed times, meal times, school times, etc. twice already in the last 8 to 9 months, it will be changing back again starting Monday.
We have looked forward to changing back to days, but I don't like the indefinate part of this change. I know nothing lasts forever and all, but I'd like to know a ball park figure on the duration of this one.

Ahhhhh, there I go again being a stick in the mud.

Me? Hard headed?

Sometimes I really think so.

I've been blogging for about 3 years, and thinking/looking back I have the same issue cropping up. Surrender.


Why does it keep coming up?

Am I so hard headed that I don't learn?

Or (my preference) is God so gracious that he is teaching me slowly a deeper and deeper meaning of letting go?



Once again I find myself needing to just give it up to Him and not take it back. He is working something; I can feel it.... but I wonder how much it will hurt.
Does silver in a furnace loathe the fire and love the purity it will bring? Refining takes time to remove all the impurities.... maybe that's just where I'll be until made perfect with Him.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;

Enjoying one moment at a time;

Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is,

not as I would have it;

Trusting that He will make all things right

if I surrender to His Will;

That I may be reasonably happy in this life

and supremely happy with Him

Forever in the next.

Amen.
--Reinhold Niebuhr

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will direct your paths.
Proverbs 3: 5-6

Who was Eve's helper?

Post Partum is never my shining hour. Between lack of sleep, and hormonal issues it seems that I am some one else for about 6 weeks. ;0)

In the late evening hours, when all is finally quiet, I have had time to ponder. Who helped Eve after her babies were born? You know 6 weeks of "only take care of yourself and the baby" sounds great, but can't be practical, at least not to me. Was Adam her helper? This sounds reasonable, except he did have to toil for food and for the survival of his family, right. I wonder if a tired, post partum Eve took on the tasks of everyday life "too soon" because Adam had such a hard day, and some one needed to change the older child's fig leaves, get him a drink and a snack and clean the soiled animal skins for him to sleep on. If not her, who? and she wouldn't want to ask him to do more, while she does nothing.
Of course, Adam probably told her not to "do too much" and to "get some rest." He may have even been glad to help, except maybe when it came to poopy fig leaves... no one's real glad about those.

Is this just another part of my rebelious nature? Who can rest when things need to get done? How easy is "take it easy" supposed to be? And why is it so hard to do nothing?

God Spankins

God set in place some rules, laws if you will, for our benefit.
Say Gravity. Defying the law can bring some natural consequences that are undesirable.
We call them God Spankins in our family.

Sometimes it is Mommy, and not the kids, in need of some spanking.
I've "over done it" a couple of times this week and suffered the spanking.
I think that the pain associated with "over doing it" really is necessary, since it's that which makes me slow back down! I guess I forget that I shouldn't be doing some chores, or lifting some children, until I have that painful little reminder.

God really is a loving Father to chasten His children. I wish I was one to learn without the pain, or at least not as often. ;0)

Catching Up

So much has taken place over the last week or so.... I really don't know where to start!

The move is complete! We spent our first night here on Saturday the 22nd. It was a long time coming, and it sure feels good to have so much space! Today we were blessed with visitors to help me and have a meal together. Eight people were over at one time!!! This hasn't ever happened for our family. Our home was so small that we could barely fit 2 visitors at once! It was a real blessing to me to have that option. I look forward to the possibility of hospitality!

Not much sooner than we got our bathrooms, bed rooms and kitchen settled.... Brianna Joylinn made her debut. She was born Wednesday, September 24th, 2008. Our first evening arrival, at 5:25 PM; she weighed in at 6 lbs. 10 oz. and was 19 1/2 inches long. She is pretty quiet and has allowed me to sleep more than I have allowed myself! On a couple of occasions I have let her cry a couple of minutes for the lung excercise! Everyone is so excited to have her here. Aliyah told me a couple of nights ago, "My hold it. My hold it, Mommy. Your turn all done!"

Not all changes are happy, and in the course of this week we had a sad change too. Wednesday night when hubby got home from the hospital, our dog Buster was ill. He has been a member of the family for 10+ years, and I have often teased that he is our first born. Friday, the 26th we were able to take him to the vet, since baby and I were home and my mom was able to be here for us. Tests found he had very advanced cancer and was not going to live much longer. We made the tough decision to have him put down.
He was a really great dog and we were blessed to have him for the time we did. He is dearly missed.

We have had a very difficult time greiving a loss and trying to celebrate our new little life, and the long awaited home. What was supposed to be a really happy weekend for our family turned into sort of a blur. It feels wrong to feel sad right now, but it feels wrong not to too. I don't know if that makes any sense. With postpartum hormones and all of the changes going on, I really haven't felt "myself."

I should go try to get some sleep, and not "over do" anymore for tonight.
Sorry to leave this on such a sad note, maybe I'll edit it later.

"Be anxious for nothing"

I was pondering this awhile today. Philippians 4:6.
Anxious. hummmm. Am I?
It has been presumed by more than one well meaning friend ;0) and today I felt the need to delve into that a little further.

Encarta's online dictionary defines anxious as...

1. feeling nervous: worried or afraid, especially about something that is going to happen or might happen

2. eager: wanting to do something very much, or in a tense or uneasy way

3. producing anxiety: producing feelings of nervousness or agitation
a few anxious moments.

They define eager elsewhere as....

1. enthusiastic and excited about doing something: enthusiastic and excited about something and impatiently waiting to do or get it
eager to help
eager for praise

2. full of enthusiasm and impatience: expressing enthusiastic interest and expectation or an impatient desire to do something
an eager face

Baker's Evangelical Dictionary of Biblical Theology categorizes this anxious (NIV) or care (KJV) in the anxiety definition and states:
"Anxiety frequently manifests itself in ungodly concern about provision, performance, or reputation, and appears to be rooted in incomplete knowledge, lack of control over circumstances, or failure to take an "eternal" perspective on things (Matt 6:25-34; 10:19; Mark 13:11; Luke 12:11-12, 22-34). " It continues: "Freedom from anxiety begins with confession that it is not God's will. In fact, anxiety is a subtle insinuation that God is either unable or disinclined to see to our welfare. Other remedial measures include recognizing the futility of worry (Matt 6:27; Luke 12:25); cultivating a growing understanding of God's power and fatherly disposition (Matt 6:26; Luke 12:30); entrusting to God the things that we cannot control (1 Pe 5:7); increasingly viewing things in eternal perspective (Matt 6:32-34; Luke 12:30-34); and substituting prayer for worry (Php 4:6). "

I think I am leaning more toward eager than anxious.
:-D
I do have to be careful of being impatient or worrying, but there's a lot to be excited, enthusiastic and eager about in our lives right now.
God's timing is always perfect! And mine seldom comes close ;0) so I can be excited about our changes and eagerly await Brianna's arrival, but I think we'll can worrying about details we don't control anyway.

America.... the Rome of the New World

Bill Federer (edited for emphasis)

Rome fell SEPTEMBER 4, 476AD. In the century preceding, Rome was overrun with illegal immigrants: Visigoths, Franks, Anglos, Saxons, Ostrogoths, Burgundians, Lombards and Vandals. They first assimilated, many working as servants, but then came so fast they did not learn the Latin Language. Highly trained Roman Legions marched rapidly on advanced roads but were strained fighting conflicts worldwide. Rome had a trade deficit, having outsourced its grain production to North Africa, and when the Vandals captured that area, Rome did not have the resources to retaliate. Attila the Hun committed terrorist attacks. The city of Rome was on welfare with citizens given free bread. One Roman commented: "Those who live at the expense of the public funds are more numerous than those who provide them." Tax collectors were "more terrible than the enemy." Gladiators had provided violent entertainment in the Coliseum. There had been injustice in courts, corrupt government bureaucracies, exposure of unwanted infants, infidelity, perverted bathhouses and sexual immorality as seen in the ruins of Pompeii.
5th-Century historian Salvian wrote: "O Roman people be ashamed...Let nobody think otherwise, the vices of our bad lives have alone conquered us."

Anyone who does not learn from history is doomed to repeat it!

Shocking Revelation

Ok.
Not really.
But it felt like it!

The other night, as I was contemplating life and which kung fu position Brianna was in this second..... I came to the startling realization that pregnancy ends! :-O
I know, you're thinking, Wow! She really is nuts!
But this is more of the 'reality sets in' than the superficial knowledge.
Sure I knew, but now it was like the ticking time bomb got to the final count and you realize.... this will happen... SOON!

Whoa!
5 weeks to EDD and she may come sooner or later than that.

Another funny note...
the nurse practitioner, who I saw today, asked (paraphrased quote)
"I feel funny asking you this, but
do you know the signs of labor?"
LOL!
Still rollin on that one!

What do you say to that.
um. no?
I've only gone through it 4 times; Bradley Style 3 times, and the first time (I had no clue,) so we didn't do anything truely helpful.

I told her the truth, joking aside.
I know them, but I often sleep through stage one and wake up in transition wondering if it is labor or not.

We go fast, so I'm gonna have to watch closely, esp. since I may be another 10 to 15 minutes farther from the delivery area this time!

Maybe Ysa and I should add Home Delivery 101 to our school plan for the next few weeks?!?

So there I was in the Congo..................

Ever had someone tell you something almost meaningless in course of a real conversation?

This weekend it so happened that we were moving some more of our nonessentials out to our new home, which happens to belong to my hubby's parents. We were discussing some things about the house we'd need to learn, and they are things specific to the water filtration system and well pump and softener system, etc. I don't mind being taught these things, I've even asked.
Somehow in the middle of all of this, mom says that they have a BIG concern..... since we don't currently have a garbage disposal....
they want to be sure that the girls wont play in the sink and one of them put her hand in while the other turns it on!!! :-O

I was a little shocked.
I gave huby the "handle this!" look and bit my tongue!!!

Did they really think we'd allow our kids (who can't reach the switch anyway) to "play" in the sink, with the garbage disposal?!?
Are we really that ignorant?

Baffled.

Change

I keep thinking of changing things. Lots of things, I guess, but around here (my blogger) especially.

For Example, I started a blog here in Beta for WebMD. I was one of a group they asked to try our hand at blogging to see if it was worth them allowing every member a blog. They, of course, wanted us to relate our own medical issues to our blog, so I chose the name "Medical Mysteries of Monica" for that purpose. It seemed fitting at the time, since we had absolutely no idea why I sometimes do really weird things (not refering to mopping the ceiling or washing the folding chairs... the other weird medical things) and all that we hear from Drs is "I dunno."
Now we have been out of Beta and WebMD for over 2 years, and I've never changed the really weird name I chose!
I have been reading other's blogs whose title and theme seem so much more..... uh... normal? Spiritual or encouraging. I haven't come up with anything especially brilliant yet, so the name remains.

Thought about changing the template a little, but my older version is missing some of the button thingys that allow the changes I want.

And then there's that part of me that's wondering why it matters!?! How much time do I really think I have to spend? Is it honestly a good plan to be up after midnight every day?
***ahhh***

Thoughts for Election Year

Quote: "The time has come for Christians to vote for honest men, and take consistent ground in politics or the Lord will curse them...Politics are a part of a religion in such a country as this, and Christians must do their duty to their country as a part of their duty to God." ~ Charles Finney

He concluded: "God will bless or curse this nation according to the course Christians take in politics."

Thinking out loud

Life has been a little weird lately.
I've thought of several little things to blog, but mostly they are so short, and by the time I get here, I forget! :-O So nothing has come of my time here yet.

We are actively in a moving process now. It has been just about forever (to me) that we've been talking about it, so sometimes it doesn't seem like it's really happening! So far we are only able to pack and move boxes of stuff we don't need for now, but pretty soon we'll be putting out the notice to all our friendly offers of help that it's time. Myself looking more and more like an over blown beach ball has been hidden under my shirt, I wont be much help with the moving, and at times I find it frustrating.

I had an OB appt on Monday, and waited the hour and a half for a four minute visit. ahhh I don't care much for that part, but I figure that we all go there so that the DR can be there to deliver our babies when it's time... I should cut a little slack when they have to be out delivering. It would be nice if they'd make it to ours this time ;0) We are 2 for 2; one of those was a prayed for MIA! Thank God! :-D
I think the whole thing would've been a little easier if there hadn't been so many siblings waiting too. The office is so crowded on a regular basis with expectant mommas and other patients, but this time there were 5 different families with their older children there... a total of 12 kids, ranging in age and temperaments!
I have found myself easily frustrated with either other people's kids or their parenting skills lately... and one family there was really hard to listen to! I found my tongue was hurting after the first 15 minutes and we waited an hour and a half together.

The appt went well, as usual. Measuring fine, actually 2 centimeters smaller than with Aliyah, yet I weigh as much now (with 7 weeks to go) as I did at her delivery! I wondered where it all went to, but then my....ummmm... counter balance has been growing well! ;0) Heart beat was going fine and she even did a half twist for the Dr to see.... and then readjust the Doppler. I was literally out of there in 4 minutes, with making the next appt! I felt worst for my kiddos and their Auntie and Uncle (who had to wait their dinner) though from the reports things there had gone well.

I am still finding some strange little nesting things to do...like washing the folding chair upholstery.... where some of these things come from I don't quite know. My house doesn't necessarily look very "cleaned" with stacks of empty boxes waiting to be packed (they take up less space empty, so we wait to pack them until we are ready to move them) and some disorganized things that no longer have their home.... but at least I'm not being nagged in the night by the thought that the folding chairs are dirty! :-S LOL

Tuesday I had had low blood sugar, to the point hubby almost had to stay home; and it was decided that I needed to take a nap leaving Ysa in charge and having a movie to help keep them occupied. So when I woke up to an inch of water on the bathroom floor, courtesy of Aliyah overflowing the sink until the entire bathroom floor was an inch deep... I thought, yeah, that was a brilliant idea. It took 45 minutes to vacuum it all up and then I still had to wash out the rug and towels (a feeble attempt at soaking it up) to hang them up to dry. I was not a happy momma, but as I was wiping around the toilet, I thought.... I guess it was time to scrub the floor again. **sigh** Thanks Lord for giving me the motivation to do this job.... and please protect my kids!
It was a wonderful reminder of how I can't do this on my own strength! By my self I am completely incapable, and even totally unwilling at times, but I can do all things through Him who strengthens me! and who will equip me to do His will. :-D

Hebrews 13: 20-21
20 May the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great shepherd of the sheep,
21 equip you with everything good for doing his will,and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ; to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.

On to the next thing

Sooooo when does the break come?
;0)
We have been very busy lately, and just when I thought we were past a couple of hurdles, I was given more to jump, and they're closer together! **sigh**
This is probably tiredness talking, partly.

I was able to see the Lord's hand moving very well today, like glasses were placed on my spirit.
Sunday even was full of trials, and Monday was full of stress and trying to take care of what all Sunday brought. Tuesday started in a flurry and half way through the day I got to glimpse a little bit of what the Lord has planned for this trial. It is always for our good and His Glory! He is Soooooooooo Good!
Shortly thereafter, I got marching orders for the next thing.

Thankfully He let me see how He always provides before the new marching orders! I can rest a lot better tonight... fresh in my mind is the unrelenting care of the Father.

Good night.

The heart of God

Disclaimer: I'm not assuming to speak in God's place. Just sharing what was on my heart.

It has been on my heart to teach my children to recognize their emotions as a gift from God. He gave us joy. He gave us the outlet of tears. He gave us anger. He gives us peace. We are to use our emotions and all His gifts to us to His glory.

So "be angry and sin not." Not 'do not be angry.'
We read today of Saul's first battle, in 1st Samuel. "Then the Spirit of God came upon Saul when he heard this news, and his anger was greatly aroused."
Later we read of David, and Jesus having righteous anger. The key word being righteous, as well as not sinning in this anger.

Of course, there are other emotions to cover.

I have mentioned my friend going through a tough time, another friend is grieving the loss of her father. With them, something in me cries. Sometimes, all of me cries. I often chasten myself for being nosy and too involved in others business, but I do truly feel the pain. Certainly not what they feel, but my heart aches for theirs.
It occurred to me today, that God has that too. **Probably not the nosy, busy body feeling. ;-)** He has compassion on us and comforts us in our hurting. Why in the world did Jesus cry at Lazarus' tomb, when He knew he would be raised in a short time!?! Because He felt for Martha and Mary, in their distress and anguish.

We can share in others joy! The wonderful announcement of another life born. Created for an eternity of glory with God, and yet such a small being, spinning on a ball in a vast universe! Awe inspiring and joyful! And I have never even met them. I read her blog yesterday for the first time, but God knows intimately their goings out and their comings in.

To me all of this culminates as an inspiration of who God is. Who created everything from nothing! He created things majestic and microscopic, things beautiful and curious. He created us in His image, so some of our traits are His. We are Body, Mind and Soul, He is Father, Son and Holy Spirit. We are in all of our body at one time, yet not one part of our body can be defined as containing all of us. My hand is my hand, but I am not my hand. God is present everywhere, all the time, yet no place can contain Him, that we can say 'here is God.'
Our emotions, I believe, we share with God. He is "a jealous God." "He is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger (but He does get angry) and abounding in love." He is merciful, and forgiving.
I could be wrong. However, I think that the Lord has been teaching my heart to use the emotions He gave me to Bless the Lord and those He has placed in my life.

Pondering

Sometimes I think back on life and how much things can change in so short a time! If I sound really **nostalgically** old, it's cause it's almost my birthday and I have a tendency to reflect back on what has changed.

10 years ago, I was so very different! I often wonder if some of my dearest friends now, would have wanted anything to do with me then! (apart from a ministry role)

9 years ago I was pregnant with my Ysabella, our oldest. I was a far cry from living for God, but thankfully I was saved by grace! As our pastor would say, I was "going to heaven, but with singed underwear!"

8 years ago I really started on the journey of Surrender. From there forward it gets a lot better, and that's sad to say, as I continue to look forward from here and see how much more I need changed!!!!! :\

On other notes... We have been changing a lot around here too. Highlights of which....
Our Suburban is being sold, and we have bought a newer Van! Air conditioning is really cool! (sorry that's puny)
We have been packing things to move, which will hopefully be before 2009!
We have 2 in full school mode, a first for us. And 2 who love to join in with everything! One more is doing well and has a name!!!
Brianna Joylinn will be joining us on the outside sometime in the latter part of September, begining of October!

No matter what changes may come, I think I'm glad that they do come. I don't think 9 or 10 years ago I would've "wanted" some of the changes we've gone through *there may be more to come I'm not especially fond of having* yet knowing where God has brought us.... so far in so short a time.... I think I'm glad change does come.

Let the nesting begin

Well, I think that I have started the nesting phase of this pregnancy. It's nice and it's not. ;0)

I feel tired, but there is something compelling me to scrub the bathtub, toilet and bathroom floor. To vaccume, clean all the glass sides of our tanks (fish and turtle), to wash the shower curtains, scrub the bathroom stool and clean the toilet scrubber holder.... maybe a little over the top.
The dishes are clean, the laundry is off the line, and put away, we did school... I feel accomplished, but somehow, not done.

I think, since I am tired, I should reign in the compulsive cleaning for the day. Rest is important too.

Lazy Blogger

Today as I perused the blogs I keep up with, and noticed some people hadn't posted in a while, it then dawned on me that I haven't posted in a while....ahem.... a lot longer than any of the other blogs I read. **guilty laugh**

Not that I haven't thought of several things to post, I've just been too lazy or busy to do it.

Here goes some rambling of things I've thought of blogging over the last, hmmmmmmm, month or so.

Before we were taking our little Aliyah for her last tests, I was sitting outside watching my kids play in the front yard. Watching my son I thought of how he sometimes gets so frustrated that something isn't working out just right and I often wait for him to figure it out on his own. I allow the trial and sometimes failure for him to learn. I thought of this awhile and felt that maybe God also allows us to sometimes go through things and even fail to learn more about Him and be stronger in the end.

I watched Aliyah play. I felt that wondering at how God creates life from such little things, and what they become.
With her tests looming and uncertainty in my mind, I had a chance to see her figuring out the world. Enjoying the simple pleasures of summer and playing in the sprinkler. I felt touched with the thought that all that care and welling up of emotion I could feel for her, was so small a thing compared to the love God has for her! I felt the uncertainty vanishing, and the presence of God in the warm sun and gentle breeze. It is sufficient to rest in His grace. If only we will Be Still and know. Had I been "being productive" I would've missed those wonderful moments of quiet assurance, and I really needed that more than clean dishes!

The other day a dear friend and I were discussing prayer requests, and she mentioned her need to let go of somethings, she doesn't know what, but they are causing her physical symptoms. This is a struggle for my control freakish nature too. I keep reminding myself 'today has enough trouble, I need not borrow any from tomorrow.' Later that night as I was reflecting on my own need to surrender all and praying for hers. As I lay there, I realized that all means all, every. When we surrender all we hold nothing back. Wow. I thought, and decided that because of it's very nature this must be a repetitive action! So I sang the hymn I Surrender All and prayed that I would truly surrender all -- acknowledging that even that must be surrendered as with out help, I can't even get that far.

A neat God's timing story came about recently as my mom had to travel for work. She had been aggravated by the constant postponing of the class she needed to take, and not knowing when she'd need to be gone. However, when finally the plans were made ready, it turns out that the Lord had provided that her best friend was going to be visiting the same state and area where my mom went during the same time. Being that they live on separate sides of the country all the time, it was a wonder how they "happened" to be going to a different state during the same 2 week period, for different reasons. She was able to meet up with her best friend, have a companion, and do some fun things before her class started. They had fun visiting the Creation Museum and catching up. We marveled at how God provides, not only for the needs, but some of the smallest desires. He saw fit to allow the postponing for such a time as this, that they got to enjoy.

Any of the other witty nonsense I came up with, has been lost in the condition called pregnant brain. But hopefully this gives some reflections that point in the direction of God for my fellow pilgrims.

Texas Update

Interesting articles....

As I mentioned previously....see "Shame on Texas" below...
the parental rights nightmare going on in Texas has me pretty upset.

The 31 girls who were alledged to be between 14 and 17 years old has dwindled down to 8. All the others have been cleared as "adults." One 14 year old, is not, nor has been pregnant... she should be off the list soon. See more details here.

Thursday, the Third Appealate Court "ruled DFPS failed to provide, as required by Texas law, "any evidence of danger to the physical health or safety" of children on the ranch who had not reached puberty." and "The Court ruled that the state offered "legally and factually insufficient" grounds for the "extreme" measure of removing all children from the ranch, from babies to teenagers."


Texas is, of course, appealing.

The Good "News"

Sometimes a little hard to find amongst the miriad of "bad news"
I did run across a couple of good reports this week.

Check out this story of a third grade boy who saved the life of a class mate.

And this one of a 16 year old boy who helped save the life of a 5 year old.

Our latest

Thought maybe a real update is necessary.

Today we are 20 weeks and Friday we find out who's baking! ;0)

Aliyah's Ped. Urologist has ordered another Renal Scan, Nuclear Medicine; and I will be unable (for the first time) to be in the room with her. However, Daddy will be there for that part and we will all be together again shortly after the test is completed. I will still help her through the cath and IV portion; which was releiving as Daddy may have gone ballistic and knocked out a nurse had he been the one there! :-P

After that we will have to see what Dr thinks is needed next and go from there. If he happens to mention surgery (last time I expected him to mention it...he wanted to schedule it. I never know what to expect with him) we will go for the second opinion I'd thought about as it is such a risk either way.

Other than that life is "normal"...... right?
We are looking at a vehicle situation trying to use wisdom and not only frustration. Our suburban had a big issue last week, but less than the usual $500; the Jeep still has some quirks we are sinking more $$ into; then today, we think our little commuter has alternator trouble..... **sigh**

Anyway, that's the news from the front lines. ;0)

fynnny

For some reason, maybe hormones? lately many ironic things have been hilarious to me. I'd rather have that be a side effect of pregnancy than the other various moods we become stricken with. ;0)

So I was posting a comment on a friend's page and the word verification...see title, looked funny... literally.
Earlier today it was the fact that while doing one yucky thing, working with raw chicken, I have to stop, wash really well, so that I can change a really yucky diaper; after which I wash really well, and start back to the first yucky thing. And the irony had me laughimg for awhile.
Then this afternoon we received a shipment we've been expecting. There should be 5 identical boxes, but according to the shipping records only one has actually been sent. So when the 4 that "aren't sent yet" arrived and the one was MIA, I think it is funnier than Abbot and Costello!

In a way I hope this passes quickly, I'm getting tired of explaining the lastest strange occurance that has me rolling to poor hubby.

gift giving

Sometimes I wonder why we give gifts to people.
Is it that we want to make them feel our love, our appreciation for them? ~or~ Is it because we feel the need to give them some thing?
That may not sound like a big difference, but in the heart of the issue, it is. Do we desire only to make our selves feel good by giving a gift or do we desire the receiver to feel good?

Now "gifts" is not my love language, so for me they carry no special meaning of being loved. For someone who does speak that love language, things are probably different.

I would rather skip the card, candy, flowers and dust collectors for awhile and do something meaningful instead.

Did you realize that this Mother's Day, somewhere, a mother will be devasted by the loss of her child? Do you know that most of the time it could be prevented with fresh water, proper nutrition, or even basic medical treatment?

I would rather know that a "gift" to me was making a bigger impact where it is needed, than cluttering my house with another thing that will sit collecting dust!

Both Food for the Poor and World Vision offer "gift" catelogs that allow such impactful gifts to be given year round. You can choose a donation that will house a family, teach a mother a trade skill so she can earn income, farm animals to provide food and income to a family and wells to provide fresh water. You can give towards something or give the whole thing yourself; and when you do it in honor of someone, say for Mother's Day or a Birthday, the person receives a card that is personalized by you and describes their gift.

How many of us need another box of chocolates? a figurine of some breakable nature and no useful purpose? or a boquet that will die days from now? How many need food? water? shelter? medicine?

Like I said, for me it is no issue not to "get something."
I know I am loved. To me, making one mother's day; the gift of a living child, or the ability to feed your child... that is what would bless my heart most.

Surrender.....revisited

from A.W. Tozer's "The Pursuit of God"

"We are often hindered from giving up our treasures to the Lord out of fear for their safety. This is especially true when those treasures are loved relatives and friends. But we need have no such fears. Our Lord came not to destroy but to save. Everything is safe which we commit to Him, and nothing is really safe which is not so committed."

(italics mine)

This truely spoke to me as I read it.
Through the last 3 years the Lord has been teaching me a deeper meaning of surrender. He brought me to a place (shortly before I started blogging) where I was willing to say "have thine own way" and release my will to His, even though quite painful.

Then He blessed us with Aliyah and I have always felt keenly, that I need to let go this treasure....constantly. Treasure her and love her, but always be ready to yield her to His will for her. I often try to relate this to my other little ones, but with her it is a penetrating emotion.

We see her Pediatric Urologist tomorrow; he will be reviewing the results of her latest ultrasound. Her left kidney (the one that works) has grown "bigger" but we don't know what that means. Do they mean longer or is it more dilated? That is the all important question. Longer is ok, it has to be bigger since it is the working one. Further dilated is not so good.

I am trying to remember and practice the Rules for Contentment numbers 2 and 5 especially.

2. Never picture thyself under any circumstances in which thou art not.

5. Never dwell on the morrow. Remember that it is God's, not thine. The heaviest part of sorrow often is looking forward to it. "The Lord will provide."

"God Almighty loves thee better and more wisely than thou dost thyself." ~and if that is true about myself, how much more true of my little one!

I need not think the "what if this...." "what if that..." questions. He has her in the palm of His Hand, and she couldn't be in a better spot than that!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lord, I release my children to Your Will for them.... again. (and I may have to keep doing it, day by day.) I do know You have them safely in Your arms and that I can trust You with them more than I can trust me.

Solved Mystery

For the last several weeks, my hubby and I had been wondering to where half a dozen pair of underware had disappeared.

I do at times allow help from each child in sorting, folding and putting away our laundry, yes even little Aliyah is allowed to "help!" Well, one of those times someone had stuck his underware in the back of the sock drawer and socks proceeded to fill in the drawer to the point of covering all of the pairs entirely!
Today I found them when adding socks. I went to put them in and wondered at the stack at the back... that's when I was able to see clearly what they were.

I wish all mysteries were so easily solved!
;0)

Shame on Texas!

Disclaimer:
I am not Mormon, nor a polygamy advocate.


So today in Texas, parents accused of abuse have no due process. Without following the traditional practice of investigating a claim families have been ripped apart.

Quote:
Mothers and children seperated.
CPS bus supervisors, having taken lists of names, call the mothers names and the number of children going with them, and escort them off the bus. Mothers who have children under the age of five are allowed to take all their children and get off the bus at the Coliseum. No caretakers are allowed to go along with the mothers to help. Mothers who do not have children under the age of five, but children five and older, stay on the bus and are driven a short distance to the Pavilion. All caretakers are also told to stay on the bus and get off at the Pavilion. Inside the Pavilion there are many CPS workers, male and female. Workers call the group of mothers and children to order, then a spokeswoman reads the names of mothers, caretakers, and number of children who go with each one again. Mothers and caretakers are told to walk a short distance away from the children. Some children try to follow their mothers and caretakers, but are stopped by CPS workers. Any mothers who object are escorted by CPS workers. Once the group is sorted, the CPS worker in charge tells the mothers and caretakers to step into the next room where, "...we will give you some information." Some children start to cry and hold on to their mothers. CPS workers take hold of children and say, "We will watch you. Your mom is just going to step into the other room. We will watch you until she gets back." Mothers reluctantly walk into the next room where the entire wall is lined with policemen, firearms handy. The mothers and caretakers are called to order as the spokeswomen reads the "information". The mothers and caretakers are told that the state has custody of their children. The adults are given two choices: to go back to the Ranch, or to go to the Family Alliance Shelter. There is not a choice to stay with the children. One caretaker asked what the shelter was, and if it would mean they could be closer to the children. A CPS worker explained that a person could go to the Family Alliance Shelter if they were afraid of anything happening to them at the Ranch. The majority of mothers and caretakers chose to go by bus to the Ranch.
Monday, April 14, 2008 2:35 PM

That's from this site set up by the church to support the restoration of the families.
Go there if you have an open mind, watch the videos and read the timeline articles.

You wont typically find this side of the story in the media.

At least California law, if not Federal law, states that children cannot be interviewed without the parents consent and they are entitled to be in the room. Where are these parents rights?

We also have a couple of legal safe guards like "innnocent until proven guilty" and the right to face your accuser.
The accused in this case doesn't even live in Texas,, he lives in AZ and the accuser is MIA! Yet for some reason 400+ children were removed from their homes for this?!?

An appropriate commentary from Joshep Farah at World Net Daily. says it better than I can!