Trying not to be Naaman

Housework, my nemesis... I usually approach my tasks with a mix of dreadful procrastination and forgetfulness. Not the best mix for a job that you have daily to face!

I was having to force myself to choose to wash *part* of the mountain of dishes, and work some on the laundry instead of finding some new, useful information online. ;)  As I stood there trying to sing some praise songs to put my heart into it, these thoughts came into my heart.
I am not rejoicing in my daily work.
This is where God has put me for now.
This task is not too great for me. 
Am I working at it as unto the Lord? Sadly. No.

Am I being Naaman?
You remember Naaman, right? From 2 Kings 5
He had leprosy and came to Israel to be healed.
Being of great importance in his own mind, he was put off by the lack of ceremony the prophet Elisha gave him.  To top it off his healing remedy was one he felt foolish... to wash in the Jordan! when he could've just washed at home in water he felt was better!

But his servants came to him with a wise question:
“My father, if the prophet had told you to do some great thing, would you not have done it? How much more, then, when he tells you, ‘Wash and be cleansed’!”

 This changed his perspective and was what had changed mine, for the evening anyway. ;)

If He, the Lord, sent me to do some "great thing," some difficult thing, some sacrificial thing, would I not do that?  How much more the house work?  The disciplining of young hearts and minds? 
These are truly great things (though in the daily grind I loose sight of their greatness more often than I'd like to admit.)

So, with renewed vision, I seek to honor and rejoice in the menial tasks of my life.  

Psalm 150 ~revised

¹ Praise the Lord.

Praise God in this home;
    praise him in the midst of dishes.
² Praise him for his acts of grace;
    praise him for his surpassing patience.
³ Praise him with the sound of  singing,
    praise him with the mop and bucket,
⁴ praise him with tambourine and dancing,
    praise him with the wash load and iron,
⁵ praise him with the cry of babies,
    praise him with resounding laughter.

⁶ Let everything that has breath praise the Lord.

 

Praise the Lord.

Encouragement

My Honey and I have just started a new Bible study together, just the two of us.  :)  We are going through 1 Peter.  As we talked and the conversation lead around to many things, I found myself admitting the defeated attitude I have let settle on me so often of late.  The "What good am I doing?" and "Why am I not impacting the Kingdom." issues I've mentioned a few times maybe...

Then, the very next day after that admission to him I was at the baby shower.  So many friends I haven't seen in a long time were there, and I made a few new ones too! :)  It was great!
My kids roamed in and out among other ladies there then back again to me, and helped care for Karissa.  One thing I got from a few people was what a good job I must be doing with my kids since "they are such a joy to be around." Now being one whose Love Language is Words of Affirmation, I was on a real high from the sincere, and un-phished-for compliments I received.  They felt like the Spirit stirring in me saying, "What you are doing with them is just what I have called you to do.  Continue to be faithful with these littles."
It is seldom that one can realize the impact of their words or actions on another, but those few ladies and their kindness was the refreshing drink this parched soldier needed... the cup of water to the least of these, my servants - so to speak.

I left there not only refreshed, but also with renewed vision that this place I am at of laundry, dishes and dirty diapers is where I have been called, is important and is working to His Glory!

So be encouraged to grow right where you're planted!  I know I am!

When I was in a funk

I had the pleasure of going to a baby shower this weekend with all of my little ladies. :)

We were so blessed to join the Momma to be and Grandmas to be in their joy and celebration!

Oddly though, I sometimes feel the need to avoid these situations.  I get nervous about who will be there, just like my first grade self so many years ago worried about "having a friend." I also worry about the gift portion... it seems I can worry about nothing if I let me.  What if they don't really care for my gift, especially if I made something... or what if someone makes a big deal out of it... that gets nervous too.  Like I want them to like it, but I don't want any attention from it. :\
So when I looked into going, I got nervous!  If I didn't love this Momma so much, I may have allowed myself to back out to avoid the inner conflicts.

Then this morning came.  I was excited, yet apprehensive about the hand made parts of the gift, and a little rushed to get everyone ready.  I felt a little flustered about certain things not coming together.  As we tried to get my little Aliyah and Brianna together for a picture and it wasn't working out, and Honey got irritated, and my hope of this memorial picture fizzled before my eyes... I allowed myself to get in a funk, announced it was time to go, and got everyone in the car.  Now I was feeling mad at just about everyone, and I was "running behind" on the time I felt we needed to leave, and my attitude was icky!

In the car, I told the girls I was not in a good mood, and that we were not off to a great start.
Within a couple of minutes of silent reflection, the Lord gave me a Psalm song to sing: "Create in me a clean heart oh God, and renew a right spirit with in me."  After that another song: "Father I adore you.  Lay my life before you.  How I love you."  I began to feel that I was so concerned over what doesn't really matter at all, that I was loosing track of what was.  I am His vessel, and I need not get so worked up over these little things that aren't His plan anyway!

I sang "Have Thine Own Way" the verse with the potter.  A thought came to me of the polymer clay I had made a few things with especially for the Momma at this shower.  One of the colors was extremely soft and supple, while another was drier and a bit crumbly.  I remember thinking, I want to be the soft workable clay. (Going to get a hands on Bible Study for the kids with this idea!)

Another couple of songs, and I was a new Momma!  I was ready to do my job... Love my Husband and Children.  I was ready to face the party with a proper perspective and with an uplifted face.
:)
Thank You Lord for not leaving me in the mire I made for myself.  Thank you for friends and a chance to rejoice with them.  Thank you for the reminders of the work you will complete in me.
I love you!
Amen.

As always ~ God is faithful

At the beginning of May I found out a friendly Costco worker we love to see was going to be out for some time with a workman's comp. hand surgery.  We said we would of course pray, and also would be happy to bring a meal or otherwise help out... so we exchanged phone numbers.
Later that same evening, I had the paper with the number, and another paper that looked similar in hand, planning to shred the second.  If only I would live by the "measure twice, cut once" adage and check twice before doing something that cannot be undone!  I shredded the page with her number!
I now had no way to follow up with her!  She would not be at work, and though I do know her name, it is her first name only.  We searched through the shredded pages for 45 minutes! to no avail.

I tried everything in my power that came to mind. 
I called and asked if they could get her a message.  No. >quite rudely too<
I asked other friends there if they knew how I could get in touch with her.  Unfortunately, no.  But they were nicer than the person on the phone.

After agonizing over not being able to give tangible help, I went to the Lord in prayer.  I gave Him my felt need to assist, my frustration over not finding a way to contact her, and asked Him to bring it about if it was His will.

Right before the next time I was headed there, the thought of a card came to mind.  I made a card with a picture of the kids and the whole story inside, along with my number.  I filled in the envelope with the return address and stamp, with her first name on it.  I decided, come hail or high water, I was going to ask everyone there if need be... maybe they could send it to her for me!

I asked a worker friend when we first got there, who I should ask to help for this project of mine.  Then following her advice, asked the supervisor there.
She said yes!  They could help! :)
I was so full of joy that it was finally working out!

The *very* next day I got a call from that friend!  She happened to go into the store the evening before and was given the card.  It turns out that in the course of working the rest of her shift after we exchanged numbers, she had also lost my information.  She kept saying how it blessed her to get that card and how great the picture was, and how thankful she was for us. 

In the end, the blessing that came about was bigger than the blessing that was missed. :)

But will it hurt.... much?

How many times I've prayed to see through God's eyes, and be His Hands and Feet...
I've noticed that I don't mind the hands or feet part cause it keeps me busy, but this business of seeing~

 and more to the point feeling

*sigh*

Sometimes I wish I didn't.

It can hurt... much... to feel.

I grieve the loss of a man I've never met, but whose words I've read and been refreshed by often.  He is accused of something detestable, and chose in desperation to end his own life.  This sure makes the accusation look formidable... why would he take such measures if it wasn't?  But I have no intention of believing it until I have to... innocent until proven guilty, right? or because it would tarnish the life of a man I respected?
Still suicide cuts deep into a wound I never expected would feel so fresh after so long.
 It hurts. much.

Tony would have had a birthday this month.  His 34th I believe.  It's hard to believe that it will be 6 years in October, but my mile-marker Pumpkin never lets me forget the passage of time.  She was one month old exactly.  How I have wished that didn't correlate!  How I really should be more thankful we had her to keep us moving forward through our grief ~because we had no other choice!

I am praying for the families involved, and shedding tears.  I have to remember that this pain I have (which is so incomparable to the family's) is a blessing to remind me to lift them up.

 

Processing

I've been slowly reading Radical, and have heard many convicting accounts of the Ameri-Christian need to be more out-reaching from several sources.  After all the Great Commission does say Go.

I am wondering through all of this though about why we focus on Go and do nothing where we Stay?

If we are to think globally, wouldn't it be good to start by impacting those nearest us?  Does not God place us in such a place as this as well as "at such a time?" 
I am all for thinking less like a spoiled, materialist... and I am trying, to the chagrin of my inner American.  However, I think we are really missing the intent to reach all peoples if we don't look to those who are already in our own circles, neighborhoods and families!

And what impact would we have being a missionary to a foreign country if we lived our lives there the way we do here?  Jesus asked what more people were doing in their own lives than those without faith. (Matt. 5:46)

This is all so convicting to me.  Here in my comfy computer chair, in a nice rural home, with all of the creature comforts.  We pat ourselves on the back for not living above our means -like so many others- and enjoy so many of the blessings of modern convenience.  And it makes me sick to think of the people who could live on the money wasted in my own home. 

As the title suggests, I'm really just hashing out the reality of my own life, and the greater reality of the life God is calling me to...
It leaves me wondering if my little brood of disciples are all He has for me, or if I am wasting the "talents" in only doing as much as so many others... taking care of my family.  I don't think I can just throw more money at it and call it good.  God didn't say "send your check book," but "Go."  Yet in the early church we see that some went, and some financed with prayer and money.  Not all were asked to go, but to stay and impact their own corner of the globe.

Lord, You show me what You would have me do.  Help me to focus on Your Will and Heart, and Your approval, not mans.
~Amen~

Monsters

My son and I were talking this evening, him relating a story to me of a friend who used to tease about monsters.  My kids have not feared monsters for the most part, we have talked about them not being real, but never really had anyone upset about them anyway.

So I ask him, "What if I told you there really are monsters."
He started to give me the "then you'd be wrong" line, but hesitated with a "what are you trying to pull mom" look.

I continue, "There are real monsters that reside here (pointing to his heart) and here (pointing to his head.)" 
Pause, and let it sink in a second.
"The bad things that pass through those places, can change you into a monster if you let them.  Some monsters hurt their kids by beating them black and blue, or by hitting their wife.  You have to decide to watch carefully those thoughts that are in here (motioning again to inside) to make sure you don't become a monster."

He seemed surprised, and contemplative, at the turn in the discussion, but he understood.  We've talked many times about anger, and acting in it.  About treating his future wife the way he has practiced treating women in our home... his sisters and mom.  Or about how he would feel seeing another boy treat his sisters the way he just did.  But using this term monster seemed to sink-in in an new way.
Hoping this new little analogy will help him to think before he acts. :)

Little Things

We may never know the impact of what we do on someone else around us.

Good or Bad.

Words sometimes cannot express the place someone else holds in our hearts, or minds
Actions that may only be seen by others can make an impression that lasts a life time
                                                                                                                even on a complete stranger

I had the pleasure of praising a couple of my kids for actions
           they didn't even realize were so big to someone else. 

Little things.

           Good things.

And like little seeds they take root and develop a bond between the person blessing and the person blessed...

and somewhere in my own heart that line is blurred as both persons are blessed 

whether by the action received or by the action given.

A card

        a note

              a call

 a meal

        a visit

 a game 

     a snuggle for a little one...

it's all so small

and yet so huge to the one that hears in that small gesture

"I mean something."

"I'm loved."

"Someone cares."

And don't we all want to mean something, to be loved and cared for and remembered?

Remember the Little Things.

views

I iron *the* pink dresses. 
   The ones I learned to sew just so that I could make them. 
The pink satiny fabric always looks better freshly ironed;
    as I watch them change from wrinkly to smooth and from dull to shiny
                                                                                                                  I think.

I see in them the mistakes. 
       the imperfections.
The stains I could never get out and the snags that have come.

I also see two little girls excitedly trying them on for the first time.

I see the last time they fit their own dress.

I now see the two little sweeties who are so excited they have grown into them!  They want to wear them anywhere and everywhere!  It is for them that I work to unwrinkle, smooth and shine them tonight.


And yet all they see is the shiny ;) 
                                 and the love that went into making them.
They see the rarely used iron out just for their dresses and can't wait to get into them.
     They see them as special, not noticing the little ink stains, the snags or the sewing mistakes!

It kinda reminds me of another view.

The view I have of myself... my constant failings as a Christian, as a wife, and as a mother... my failings as a friend, or a daughter or a sister... 

                  I view all of my short comings, while maybe others see my strengths or successes.  

The view that really matters is that of God.
    He says that I am no longer condemned if I be in Christ.  
          He says that I am loved by Him.  
                He says my weaknesses are my strengths for His power is made perfect in them.
I'm trying to teach myself to view His view. 
I'm trying to learn to replace my own condemnations with His affirmations (of course I can tell me that I *do* need to make sure that He doesn't have any criticisms for me as well!)

Wish that were as easy as smoothing the wrinkles from those little pink dresses!

Gifts are meant to be Given

 I used to give my mom gift baskets of bath stuff or other little pretty things, but I noticed... if it came all wrapped up in a pretty display, she would keep it that way!  She probably has 2 or 3 bath set baskets gathering dust, and still complete, on her bathroom shelf!  She has never opened or used these gifts because they are so pretty to her.

God is so awesome in giving each of us gifts!
Sometimes we keep those gifts on our own shelf gathering dust.
  Gifts are to be used to serve others.

We don't all have the same gifts.  Just like we would not want to live without our foot or our armpit, the Body of Christ needs the diversity of each gift to work and be healthy.  Sometimes I think those of us with more armpit like gifting ;) look at the feet and mouth and think we don't have anything to share since we don't have those gifts.  I know I can feel like I'm not really doing anything of import or even wonder if I have gifts to give (which are both lies of the enemy to prevent us from using the gifts we have.) But God has given each of us gifts to share with others.

 But in fact God has arranged the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be.

  If they were all one part, where would the body be?  As it is, there are many parts, but one body. 

1 Corinthians 12: 18-20

 Some gifts are for the building and edifying of the Church and some for sharing Truth with the world.  Paul did not baptize many, but came preaching the Word, expecting that others would continue the work he began with the gifts they had been given.  

1 Corinthians 

1:17  For Christ did not send me to baptize, 

but to preach the gospel—not with words of human wisdom, 

lest the cross of Christ be emptied of its power. 

3:6 I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God made it grow.

3:10 By the grace God has given me, 

I laid a foundation as an expert builder, and someone else is building on it. 

But each one should be careful how he builds.

So we each work with what gifts the Spirit has given us. And each part builds upon the last part.  So each part is useful in it's own way, and needed to edify, and build up.Be encouraged!  Dust off those shelved gifts and use them to the Glory of God; Who gave them freely to you. :)

2011 in Review

My mom writes an annual letter to everyone on the planet with all the doings of the family for the year.  It's called "The Christmas Letter" and is often sent out in the new year! ;)
For the last few years I have been basically writing my own letter that is included in hers.  I'm too cheap to send out that much money in ink, paper and postage!  So here I include what I wrote for her this year. :)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

2011 was rather uneventful for Our family.  We had several rounds of illness in the spring that kept us from going and doing too much, which we later discovered were allergy based issues.  (Which means they will reappear in the autumn and spring.)  We continued homeschooling and had a lot of fun with some new curriculum we got for the 2011-12 school year!  We also managed to get rained on during the only two camping trips we got to take!  (And, yes, we are still in California!)  We started our own garden this year and all really enjoyed it more than expected. 
At the beginning of October we had a scare to remind us to be more careful when outside here, as one of our dogs, Smith, got bit by a Mojave Green Rattlesnake.  With the help of a friend who is a Vet Tech, we were able to nurse him back to health, and we figure he probably got more of a warning bite with less venom.  Dave found and killed *both* of the snakes that were in our front yard and none of us will quickly forget!  We were glad that it was not a bite to one of our kids!!!We also got to have some visits with out of state family that were highlights to our year!
Going in backward order,
     Karissa celebrated her first birthday on the 9th of November, though it remained low key with conflicts in weather, health and work schedule keeping it from being a big to do.  She weighs in at 17 lbs, and is 28 1/4 in tall as of her 1 year old check up.  She is smaller, but similar to her oldest sister.  This kid has been a scary one for mom and dad (who may have thought they were seasoned veterans) as she seems to be able to fall down at just the wrong place and so smack her head off of a door frame, or corner of wall, instead of just the floor; and has found more things to choke on than all of the others combined!  She is very adventurous; started walking at 8 months and is now climbing things!  She can be very silly and enjoys playing games, the latest of which being peek-a-boo, but half the time she says "cu-koo" from The Sound Of Music.
     Brianna, Our Curly Girlie, is the Shirley Temple look-a-like (attitude included) in our picture (below). At 3 years old she is 30 lbs, 3 ft 2 in tall and full to the brim of personality!  She has a strong sense of self and is authoritative in her demeanor (which is the nice way of saying: bossiest kid I've ever encountered)  She spends most of her day in role playing games with her older sister and dearest friend "Pie" (Aliyah) and Neno when he isn't doing his school work.  She can't seem to wait until she also has school work to do (if only that lasted!) and so asks to do her "Cat-Kitty Math" ~which is just a coloring book she really likes.  She would live out of doors if we would let her, but would also live in the bath tub or shower. ;)  She has really enjoyed getting to be a big sister, and is mostly sweet to Karissa.  She also likes to look after others, often bringing mommy or daddy a cup of water whenever she thinks we need one. 
     Aliyah Miechelle Pumpkin Pie (as she would introduce herself to you) turned 5 on the first of September!  She chose to celebrate with a camping trip instead of a big party, but we celebrated all day on her birthday as well!  She is 39 1/2 lbs, 3 ft 7 1/2 in tall, and would tell you that the most important development in her life lately is that she can ride her bike now without training wheels!  :)  We continue to monitor her kidney condition with her Pediatric Urologist, doing ultrasounds mostly.  Her right kidney looks atrophic, and her left kidney is still holding fluid.  By her activity level and general health, you would never know that her kidneys have issues!  She has learned to love her ultrasound appointments, and looks forward to them; all of the special attention she has gotten for her kidneys has given her a strong sense of being the most special Pumpkin on the planet, which is both good and bad.  This year we only had to have one appointment, but her Dr ordered the  next for in 6 months, and it is likely he will follow that with an Isotope (Nuclear) Scan.  She will be starting first grade in June, as we school year round, and is excited that she will be "doing school." Currently she works with me on some preschool-kindergarten level work, but she is jealous of "the bigs." (as she calls her older siblings)

     Nathaniel, Neno, is so close to 8 years old, 55 1/2 lbs, and 4 ft. 2 in tall.  He has been in 2nd grade this year and is improving well, his struggle area still being in his reading.  He can keep up with the girls in their science and history studies, and does quite well at math.  (But that is when he will sit still and work on school!)  He is most fond of being outside in the dirt digging, or riding his bike, but will content himself with fort building, blocks and role play if it's too cold, too hot, or too windy.  He continues to talk just as much as the girls do, and now mostly retells his favorite movie scenes, or things that he thinks are funny he has heard or seen.  He is really tender with his baby sister, but can be quite short tempered with the other girls. (He's working on that one.)  He now really enjoys helping with starting the fires in our fireplace, and can even do so with flint and steel tools, but that can also be a struggle.
     Moriah, Our Mo, continues to be a very active young lady, and very proud of her tomboy status, but has settled into an appreciation of a "good book, a cuppa tea and a place to be cozy."
At 9 years 9 months old she is 58 lbs, and 4 ft 4 in tall.  She has been excelling in the 4th grade, and spelling seems to be the biggest difficulty to her in learning.  Like her dad, and Mark Twain, she's not worried about stifling her imagination by only single spellings of words. ;) She is usually a very hard worker, is often done with her school first and is very helpful for her momma.  She rides her bike, runs a lot, plays well with her siblings and is often up way too late laughing with her best friend, and older sister Ysa.  She is entering that difficult place between being a younger kid and being a young lady, but she is mostly adjusting well.  Aside from spelling, her biggest struggle seems to be her emotions, or how quickly she seems to cry, but even that is much less than when she was little.
     Ysabella is so much a young lady now at 12 years old, going on 20, and Monica's "mini-me."  She has finally been gaining in height and weight and this year got back on the growth chart!  She is 71 1/2 lbs, 4 ft 8 1/2 in tall, and is counting down to the time til she can ride in the front seat of the car!  This year she has been in 7th grade, and excelled at math for the first time in her life!  She is usually found behind some book or other, and pines for "something new to read" as she has exhausted most of the books I have for her.  Most of her time is spent indoors reading, knitting/crocheting, or helping momma; but she does enjoy riding her bike, looking about in the garden, and camping.  She is becoming a good cook, and can bake several things on her own.  We allowed her an email address all her own, and she really enjoys sending email or ecards to friends and family.  She also has a fondness for taking pictures or videos.  She struggles most with loosing track of time in fun things, and so not completing the important things in her day.
      Monica is really wondering about why she isn't sending out her own letter now, as this is shaping up to be!  This year brought her 30th birthday and she now doesn't mind sharing her age with all those curious people she meets when she is out... the ones who also ask, "Are they all yours?" ;) She continues to mostly enjoy teaching the kids and the many nuances of running a home.  The garden project we undertook this year was quite a bit of hard labor, but amazingly fulfilling and enjoyable to her.  She continues to struggle as Ysa does with managing her time wisely and spends more evenings than she would like to admit wondering what was actually accomplished that day, but is also trying to make an effort to enjoy the small blessings of each day with her children while they last.  So in 2011, we have seen many beautiful sunsets, many little insects, small flowers, and watched seeds turn to fruits; we have read many books, learned together many interesting lessons, and stopped everything to watch birds flying; we have played in rain and mud, in wind and sun and lots of dirt! and have looked for the Hand of God in the circling of the stars over head as well as in the answers to our many prayers.  Looking back at the year, she has had, is leaving her feeling overwhelmingly blessed! :)
     Dave, who will be 29 again (for the 6th time) next month, continues to work hard at work and home.  He has also been enthralled with gardening and watching things grow this year. He is often at some project or another, and even when sitting he is not still, (is he where Mo gets it?) as he will sharpen knives, work on a wood or para-cord project, or is busy planning the next thing!  This year he taught himself to work with leather, as well as a special material for making sheaths, and has been working on some fabrication as well as refinishing older tools!  He prefers to be at home with us as much as possible, but has had plenty of overtime needed at work this year; he has a position there that is as secure as we could hope for, and we are thankful to the Lord for employment.  (We are praying for any of you who are struggling with employment.)  

~Thanksgiving Prayer~

Thank You Lord, for the Gift of Jesus ~Who gave Himself so I could come to You freely!

Thank You that You made such a wonderful creation that even after so much has declined from the Fall to now, it is still so awe inspiring and beautiful! 

Thank You for life and breath and all of the innumerable blessings I take each day as though they were nothing of note.

Thank You for teaching me with Patient Hand and Loving Heart, and abundant Grace and Strength for all of my weakness!

Thank You for my Honey!  For the perfect completion of my quirkiness! :)

Thank You for Ysabella, Moriah, Nathaniel, Aliyah, Brianna, and Karissa!  Thank You for the Joy and the Struggle, the teaching me of myself through their behaviors, the learning of Your Father's Heart toward Your Children through loving and training my own!
Thank You for the 3 You have with You.  Thank You that they touched my life, and taught me of Your Comfort and a Closeness that nothing can rival.  Thank You for holding me, and carrying me through, and for helping me to stand again when it was time.

Thank You for teaching me to worship and pray in Spirit and in Truth.

Thank You for my family.  My Mom, and Mom-in-Love; My sisters with their husbands, and nieces and nephews.  My Uncles, Aunts, Cousins, and Grandma.

Thank You for my family in the faith, for the iron sharpening iron.

Thank You for  the friends You have brought into my life.  For their love and care, and the opportunity to be to them what they are to me.

Thank You Lord!
Please help me to be worthy of the calling you have given me.  Please continue to teach me Your Way and Guide me in Your Truth... in Your paths of righteousness for Your Name's Sake.
Help me to love You and love others!

In Jesus Name!
~Let it be~

Leaving room in *your* plans for God's

I don't like to talk too much about things I do that are motivated by the Spirit. 
I get lost somewhere between "Don't let the right hand know what the left is doing..." and "Let your light shine before men that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven."  But sometimes it needs to be shared or recorded so I can have my memorial stone.

Some days when I feel God is prompting my heart to do something, I over analyze it: "Is this really from Him or out of my own desire to be loved by others?" "Am I doing this to please Him, them, or me?" and many such questionings.  While I think we do need to check our motives, I think over analyzing them will hinder our impact and blessing.

I was blessed to visit the Rescue Kennel with my kids this week, and knowing the dear saints running the place had a busy day, and little funds, I decided to make them a dinner.  Save them some time, and some money... to me a really small contribution to their health and well being.  I started in on the over analyzation (that can just be another Monicaism) yet I could not shake the need, and did not feel it was just from me.  I made something, packed it all up and showed up early (earlier than I meant!) to give it to them without the other members of the field trip.
When they received it, they were both very appreciative, but the thing that struck me most was when Kathy told me they had no food in the house!  She had not had a chance to get to a store, and wouldn't until late that evening, if then, so she had no idea what they would eat!  It struck me again, when she wrote on my facebook (so much for that left hand being ignorant!) that it was the first meal she ate that day!!!  
What if I had analyzed it until I was certain I had wrong motives, or just "didn't have the time with all the getting ready for the day?"  Or what ever other excuse I could have come up with...

Thank You Lord for impressing upon me to follow Your lead!  Thank You for the opportunity to bless others, and may I give You the glory for the good You accomplish in me.  Thank You for over coming my over analyzing! and always meeting me right where I'm at!
I love You!

These are my disciples

I have been very impressed lately with thoughts of training my children.

These *are* my disciples. 

Deuteronomy 6:7-9

  Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.  Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads.  Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates. 

I often can get discouraged that I am not "impacting the world" or "reaching others," but this thought keeps coming back to me... These are my disciples.
I would not give up these 6 little people that *were* given to me  to train in everything! yet somehow I find myself discouraged in my lack of evangelizing the rest of society.

I think it comes back to a misunderstanding prevalent in our Christian circles, "Missionary means those in foreign lands not me."  But the Bible doesn't use the word Missionary it uses Witness.

Acts 1:8

"You will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.”

To be a witness I don't need to leave and go anywhere, I need to share right where I am. And for now that happens to be in the kitchen and laundry room and the teaching and training phases of child-rearing.  This is where I have a real impact anyway.  They see how I live and act, good and bad; they hear what I say and how I say it to them and to others.  Is my life a reflection of Christ?  They would be the best ones to ask since they see me in all situations and at all times.

A possible reason I think it is easy to fall into the pit of discouragement, is if you are doing what God has called you to, you will be in conflict with the world and with the enemy of our souls.

Another key point that's been on my heart...
Even "purposeful parenting" won't work if you aren't modeling what you are teaching.  "More is caught than taught."  It can be as simple as talking with your mouth full to tell them not to do so; or as important as not hearing both sides to an argument before deciding which child was wronged... "everyone should be quick to listen."  <<< ouch!  How many times have I convicted my little man without hearing him out?!? :/

So discipleship is living out my faith in the presence of the little disciples I am blessed to have, and all others that God places in my path, doing what I can to be a faithful witness. :) Right where I am.

Thoughts on Trust

Today is a special day in our home.

Our sweet Karissa is 1 year old! :-O

Hard to think that 365 days ago I was wondering what in the world it was this time, not realizing that "it" was labor! LOL 

As I have been reflecting on her birth and the Hand of the Lord in her arrival I have been thinking of

trust.

I worry when it comes close to delivery time for our little ones.  I get anxious about the when and where and "how are we going to get there in time."  All this is needless concern of course!  It just so happened that I had my chosen sitter coming over anyway that day, so I could practice worship with her sister; my Honey was here for the process of indecision ;) and we actually made it to the hospital in time!  Sure it was a nerve wracking ride, but it could've been a little less stressful if I didn't fight going so hard!

As I look back, I always see God's provision...

and not only in my experiences, but in the experiences of others too.  

A friend of mine recently had her little son via emergency C-section, but God paved the way for it so completely!  First, her parents "happened" to be stopping by right at the time they found out she was hemorrhaging; then, no one was in the triage at our hospital, which is highly unusual!  There was no wait for a doctor or surgery room, no time was lost anywhere, and within 10 minutes of arriving, they were already in the process of the surgery!

Maybe this is why God puts such emphasis on remembering in the Old Testament.  I think remembering these things helps me to trust more... but when I forget! :/  I can be consumed in "What if " and "but what about when" and other such needless worries! 

TRUST.

just trust.

God has always shown His path is best; I should rest in the trust He has proven to me over and over, even if it looks wrong to me.  

Like Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, I can know God is able and will take care of and save me (the situation, the person I'm worried about, etc.) And if not... still know His plan and will are perfect.

Fruit + Focus = Failure

Galatians 5:22-23

"But the Fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law."

I have been wondering lately about striving for having fruit... it seems sometimes I am looking for fruit in myself and in my children and striving to make it be there.

Perhaps though, it is the natural occurrence of living in the Spirit, and won't show up just because I am trying for it?

Perhaps, it comes only when we seek the Spirit and not the results of His work...

"But Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and His Righteousness, 
and all these things shall be added unto you."

It is so easy to emphasize certain behaviors and overlook the real issue... the condition of the heart.

I guess that's why "not everyone who says to me {Jesus} "Lord, Lord." will enter the Kingdom of Heaven." and that some on the Day of Judgement will be telling God how much *they* have done for Him! (Imagine that!)  They have their "fruit" and "good works" to display, but the condition of the heart is "Look how much I did for you God!" ~~ and to think they will be standing face to face with Him Who Gave All for them, claiming their right to enter His Kingdom.

Jesus commended the prayer of the tax collector, "Lord, forgive me, a sinner." and not the lofty prayer and righteous acts (remember how great I am God?) of the Pharisee.

We should certainly have fruit to show; not from our striving and seeking fruit, but from our striving and seeking the Spirit above all else.