I've noticed some patterns in my life that strike me as odd. How is it that these things line up? Do I make associations that really aren't connected? Well, maybe sometimes, but others there's just no way I could make it happen.
This is a hard week. I knew it would be. It really does feel bitter and sweet, an almost indescribable sort of pang, but at least it isn't overwhelming.
Wednesday it will be 9 years since my daddy died of cancer. I miss him, but I'm soooo glad he isn't here suffering through this life! The odd correlations here are that it will also be the 5th anniversary of the loss of a pregnancy; and that my Uncle died yesterday with a very similar story. Aggressive cancer found too late, very short hospice, dies within 3 days of when my dad did.
It's all culminating in my Blues.
This baby was due 9-9-05; and as it would turn out we were having a D&C that day for the second miscarriage of that year. Another oddity.
Maybe I'm too nostalgic. I really shouldn't live in the past. I try not to, but every so often, I'm stuck there for awhile. Maybe it's part of the "processing" we are supposed to have to do. Or maybe I'm just a dork.
Reminiscing can be dangerous....you may remember things you were glad you forgot.