Monday, December 01, 2008

Wherever I go...... there I am

Not exactly profound.

Just a little rant about mirrors.
I've never been overly fond of them; at our last home we only had the small medicine cabinet mirror.
Here however, I can't escape them... in my room anyway.
Both closets have double sliding mirror doors, the chest of drawers has a large mirror on it, the dresser has a small mirror on it, and there's a standing mirror (was my hubby's growing up) up against the wall facing one of the closets. Then there are two more in the master bath.
Just about anywhere in here I see me, sometimes multiples of me! It's really weird to see every move you make. A couple of times I have turned away from one only to be facing another, and with more than one side of me showing at the same time! ugh.

I'm sure I'll get used to it with time.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Two Months Already!

Brianna is two months old today.
It really makes me wonder how time can fly by and stand still all at the same time!

She saw her Dr for her 2 month check today.
All is well. She has had a small cold courtesy of her siblings, but that aside she's a healthy little sweetie!
She is now 10 lbs. 15 oz. and 23 1/2 inches long.
That's 4lbs 5 oz. gained in the last 2 months!
Her face is rounding out quite a bit, but not too much of that has touched her thighs ;0)

Thursday, November 20, 2008

meant for you (and me)

In our Sunday School class we have been covering the book of John.
On our first Sunday being back after Brianna's birth, we covered John 16. Verse 21 struck me.
I had repeated it to myself (sometimes aloud) during labor.

"A woman, when she is in labor, has sorrow because her hour has come; but as soon as she has given birth to the child, she no longer remembers the anguish, for the joy that a human being has been born into the world."

Like I said, I was reminding myself of it over and over.... "we're almost through"....." you wont remember this part when it's over".......

Then when we were in class and we read it, I got to thinking.
Jesus is talking to his!.... and he is using a birth analogy.
For me this meant one important truth.
This passage was a statement for me! (and maybe you too (0; )
All of the bible is really God's love letter to His children, so it shouldn't be surprising to have something that seemed to be spoken directly to me. A wonderful reminder for me though that the Living Word is true "yesterday, today and tomorrow" as true for me here and now as it was for the disciples then.

But I do kind of wonder how much head scratching was done when Jesus spoke these things to these men. ;)

Couldn't resist linking this one up for the blog and share too. ;)

Monday, November 17, 2008

The potty song

Aliyah was not feeling so well about a week ago, and I took her into the doctor to see what was up.
With her history we often check on the kidneys whenever there is a tummy trouble, to rule out any kidney issues.

So since it was late on a Friday, we didn't get her pee pee in the bag in good time.
The following Wednesday she had her ultrasound anyway, so trying to get everything done in one trip, I put her new bag on before we left. That was sometime around 11AM.
The ultrasound was at 1PM and still an empty bag, but we saw a full bladder on the screen soooo any time now...right?
So we traveled to the other side of town to the doctor's area..... nothin'
We went to WalMart to kill time. Still no pee pee.
Off we go to the Drs bathroom to try for some inspiration.
There she tells me if I take the "sticker" (the bag) off she'll go in the potty. (and the cup)
After trying this for some time, I gave up entirely!

Fast forward to the next morning.
A sweet little Aliyah face peeks over the bed with her usual wake up call.
Then she sits comfortably next to the bed to play and sing.
"I not pee in da bag" she sings.....
I couldn't believe she was singing about that silly bag and her will to avoid using it!
One battle I'm not going to fight.


No this isn't just my competitive nature rearing it's ugly head....
it's an acronym for What's Important Now.

I've been thinking about this a lot.
What is most important for this moment.
For daily and weekly tasks this can be as simple as it's time to get dinner ready or plan the center piece for Saturday's Boutique.

Even bigger though is this place in history.
With everything that's going on around us I am reminded that we are only here temporarily. I need to be "about my Father's business" continually.
That's always been true, but I am one of those people who need reminders about WIN.

Anyway, just wanted to share.

Saturday, November 01, 2008

My life as a ping pong ball

I wrote a while back about change being ok by me, most change anyway.

Lately, I've started to feel like change would be pretty nice if it slowed down a little. Soooo many changes in such a short time leaves me feeling a bit like a ping pong ball. Always being smacked back and forth with no real break in between.

Along with all the changes I've mentioned in recent blogs, we have had changes in my hubby's work schedule too. In February he changed "temporarily" to second shift; in September the hours of that shift were changed to 2 hours earlier. Now we are changing to days again, but it may only be for a couple of weeks. I've changed bed times, meal times, school times, etc. twice already in the last 8 to 9 months, it will be changing back again starting Monday.
We have looked forward to changing back to days, but I don't like the indefinate part of this change. I know nothing lasts forever and all, but I'd like to know a ball park figure on the duration of this one.

Ahhhhh, there I go again being a stick in the mud.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Me? Hard headed?

Sometimes I really think so.

I've been blogging for about 3 years, and thinking/looking back I have the same issue cropping up. Surrender.

Why does it keep coming up?

Am I so hard headed that I don't learn?

Or (my preference) is God so gracious that he is teaching me slowly a deeper and deeper meaning of letting go?

Once again I find myself needing to just give it up to Him and not take it back. He is working something; I can feel it.... but I wonder how much it will hurt.
Does silver in a furnace loathe the fire and love the purity it will bring? Refining takes time to remove all the impurities.... maybe that's just where I'll be until made perfect with Him.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;

Enjoying one moment at a time;

Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is,

not as I would have it;

Trusting that He will make all things right

if I surrender to His Will;

That I may be reasonably happy in this life

and supremely happy with Him

Forever in the next.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will direct your paths.
Proverbs 3: 5-6

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Who was Eve's helper?

Post Partum is never my shining hour. Between lack of sleep, and hormonal issues it seems that I am some one else for about 6 weeks. ;0)

In the late evening hours, when all is finally quiet, I have had time to ponder. Who helped Eve after her babies were born? You know 6 weeks of "only take care of yourself and the baby" sounds great, but can't be practical, at least not to me. Was Adam her helper? This sounds reasonable, except he did have to toil for food and for the survival of his family, right. I wonder if a tired, post partum Eve took on the tasks of everyday life "too soon" because Adam had such a hard day, and some one needed to change the older child's fig leaves, get him a drink and a snack and clean the soiled animal skins for him to sleep on. If not her, who? and she wouldn't want to ask him to do more, while she does nothing.
Of course, Adam probably told her not to "do too much" and to "get some rest." He may have even been glad to help, except maybe when it came to poopy fig leaves... no one's real glad about those.

Is this just another part of my rebelious nature? Who can rest when things need to get done? How easy is "take it easy" supposed to be? And why is it so hard to do nothing?

Saturday, October 04, 2008

God Spankins

God set in place some rules, laws if you will, for our benefit.
Say Gravity. Defying the law can bring some natural consequences that are undesirable.
We call them God Spankins in our family.

Sometimes it is Mommy, and not the kids, in need of some spanking.
I've "over done it" a couple of times this week and suffered the spanking.
I think that the pain associated with "over doing it" really is necessary, since it's that which makes me slow back down! I guess I forget that I shouldn't be doing some chores, or lifting some children, until I have that painful little reminder.

God really is a loving Father to chasten His children. I wish I was one to learn without the pain, or at least not as often. ;0)

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

Catching Up

So much has taken place over the last week or so.... I really don't know where to start!

The move is complete! We spent our first night here on Saturday the 22nd. It was a long time coming, and it sure feels good to have so much space! Today we were blessed with visitors to help me and have a meal together. Eight people were over at one time!!! This hasn't ever happened for our family. Our home was so small that we could barely fit 2 visitors at once! It was a real blessing to me to have that option. I look forward to the possibility of hospitality!

Not much sooner than we got our bathrooms, bed rooms and kitchen settled.... Brianna Joylinn made her debut. She was born Wednesday, September 24th, 2008. Our first evening arrival, at 5:25 PM; she weighed in at 6 lbs. 10 oz. and was 19 1/2 inches long. She is pretty quiet and has allowed me to sleep more than I have allowed myself! On a couple of occasions I have let her cry a couple of minutes for the lung excercise! Everyone is so excited to have her here. Aliyah told me a couple of nights ago, "My hold it. My hold it, Mommy. Your turn all done!"

Not all changes are happy, and in the course of this week we had a sad change too. Wednesday night when hubby got home from the hospital, our dog Buster was ill. He has been a member of the family for 10+ years, and I have often teased that he is our first born. Friday, the 26th we were able to take him to the vet, since baby and I were home and my mom was able to be here for us. Tests found he had very advanced cancer and was not going to live much longer. We made the tough decision to have him put down.
He was a really great dog and we were blessed to have him for the time we did. He is dearly missed.

We have had a very difficult time greiving a loss and trying to celebrate our new little life, and the long awaited home. What was supposed to be a really happy weekend for our family turned into sort of a blur. It feels wrong to feel sad right now, but it feels wrong not to too. I don't know if that makes any sense. With postpartum hormones and all of the changes going on, I really haven't felt "myself."

I should go try to get some sleep, and not "over do" anymore for tonight.
Sorry to leave this on such a sad note, maybe I'll edit it later.

Monday, September 15, 2008

"Be anxious for nothing"

I was pondering this awhile today. Philippians 4:6.
Anxious. hummmm. Am I?
It has been presumed by more than one well meaning friend ;0) and today I felt the need to delve into that a little further.

Encarta's online dictionary defines anxious as...

1. feeling nervous: worried or afraid, especially about something that is going to happen or might happen

2. eager: wanting to do something very much, or in a tense or uneasy way

3. producing anxiety: producing feelings of nervousness or agitation
a few anxious moments.

They define eager elsewhere as....

1. enthusiastic and excited about doing something: enthusiastic and excited about something and impatiently waiting to do or get it
eager to help
eager for praise

2. full of enthusiasm and impatience: expressing enthusiastic interest and expectation or an impatient desire to do something
an eager face

Baker's Evangelical Dictionary of Biblical Theology categorizes this anxious (NIV) or care (KJV) in the anxiety definition and states:
"Anxiety frequently manifests itself in ungodly concern about provision, performance, or reputation, and appears to be rooted in incomplete knowledge, lack of control over circumstances, or failure to take an "eternal" perspective on things (Matt 6:25-34; 10:19; Mark 13:11; Luke 12:11-12, 22-34). " It continues: "Freedom from anxiety begins with confession that it is not God's will. In fact, anxiety is a subtle insinuation that God is either unable or disinclined to see to our welfare. Other remedial measures include recognizing the futility of worry (Matt 6:27; Luke 12:25); cultivating a growing understanding of God's power and fatherly disposition (Matt 6:26; Luke 12:30); entrusting to God the things that we cannot control (1 Pe 5:7); increasingly viewing things in eternal perspective (Matt 6:32-34; Luke 12:30-34); and substituting prayer for worry (Php 4:6). "

I think I am leaning more toward eager than anxious.
I do have to be careful of being impatient or worrying, but there's a lot to be excited, enthusiastic and eager about in our lives right now.
God's timing is always perfect! And mine seldom comes close ;0) so I can be excited about our changes and eagerly await Brianna's arrival, but I think we'll can worrying about details we don't control anyway.

Thursday, September 04, 2008

America.... the Rome of the New World

Bill Federer (edited for emphasis)

Rome fell SEPTEMBER 4, 476AD. In the century preceding, Rome was overrun with illegal immigrants: Visigoths, Franks, Anglos, Saxons, Ostrogoths, Burgundians, Lombards and Vandals. They first assimilated, many working as servants, but then came so fast they did not learn the Latin Language. Highly trained Roman Legions marched rapidly on advanced roads but were strained fighting conflicts worldwide. Rome had a trade deficit, having outsourced its grain production to North Africa, and when the Vandals captured that area, Rome did not have the resources to retaliate. Attila the Hun committed terrorist attacks. The city of Rome was on welfare with citizens given free bread. One Roman commented: "Those who live at the expense of the public funds are more numerous than those who provide them." Tax collectors were "more terrible than the enemy." Gladiators had provided violent entertainment in the Coliseum. There had been injustice in courts, corrupt government bureaucracies, exposure of unwanted infants, infidelity, perverted bathhouses and sexual immorality as seen in the ruins of Pompeii.
5th-Century historian Salvian wrote: "O Roman people be ashamed...Let nobody think otherwise, the vices of our bad lives have alone conquered us."

Anyone who does not learn from history is doomed to repeat it!

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Shocking Revelation

Not really.
But it felt like it!

The other night, as I was contemplating life and which kung fu position Brianna was in this second..... I came to the startling realization that pregnancy ends! :-O
I know, you're thinking, Wow! She really is nuts!
But this is more of the 'reality sets in' than the superficial knowledge.
Sure I knew, but now it was like the ticking time bomb got to the final count and you realize.... this will happen... SOON!

5 weeks to EDD and she may come sooner or later than that.

Another funny note...
the nurse practitioner, who I saw today, asked (paraphrased quote)
"I feel funny asking you this, but
do you know the signs of labor?"
Still rollin on that one!

What do you say to that.
um. no?
I've only gone through it 4 times; Bradley Style 3 times, and the first time (I had no clue,) so we didn't do anything truely helpful.

I told her the truth, joking aside.
I know them, but I often sleep through stage one and wake up in transition wondering if it is labor or not.

We go fast, so I'm gonna have to watch closely, esp. since I may be another 10 to 15 minutes farther from the delivery area this time!

Maybe Ysa and I should add Home Delivery 101 to our school plan for the next few weeks?!?

So there I was in the Congo..................

Ever had someone tell you something almost meaningless in course of a real conversation?

This weekend it so happened that we were moving some more of our nonessentials out to our new home, which happens to belong to my hubby's parents. We were discussing some things about the house we'd need to learn, and they are things specific to the water filtration system and well pump and softener system, etc. I don't mind being taught these things, I've even asked.
Somehow in the middle of all of this, mom says that they have a BIG concern..... since we don't currently have a garbage disposal....
they want to be sure that the girls wont play in the sink and one of them put her hand in while the other turns it on!!! :-O

I was a little shocked.
I gave huby the "handle this!" look and bit my tongue!!!

Did they really think we'd allow our kids (who can't reach the switch anyway) to "play" in the sink, with the garbage disposal?!?
Are we really that ignorant?


Tuesday, August 19, 2008


I keep thinking of changing things. Lots of things, I guess, but around here (my blogger) especially.

For Example, I started a blog here in Beta for WebMD. I was one of a group they asked to try our hand at blogging to see if it was worth them allowing every member a blog. They, of course, wanted us to relate our own medical issues to our blog, so I chose the name "Medical Mysteries of Monica" for that purpose. It seemed fitting at the time, since we had absolutely no idea why I sometimes do really weird things (not refering to mopping the ceiling or washing the folding chairs... the other weird medical things) and all that we hear from Drs is "I dunno."
Now we have been out of Beta and WebMD for over 2 years, and I've never changed the really weird name I chose!
I have been reading other's blogs whose title and theme seem so much more..... uh... normal? Spiritual or encouraging. I haven't come up with anything especially brilliant yet, so the name remains.

Thought about changing the template a little, but my older version is missing some of the button thingys that allow the changes I want.

And then there's that part of me that's wondering why it matters!?! How much time do I really think I have to spend? Is it honestly a good plan to be up after midnight every day?

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Thoughts for Election Year

Quote: "The time has come for Christians to vote for honest men, and take consistent ground in politics or the Lord will curse them...Politics are a part of a religion in such a country as this, and Christians must do their duty to their country as a part of their duty to God." ~ Charles Finney

He concluded: "God will bless or curse this nation according to the course Christians take in politics."

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Thinking out loud

Life has been a little weird lately.
I've thought of several little things to blog, but mostly they are so short, and by the time I get here, I forget! :-O So nothing has come of my time here yet.

We are actively in a moving process now. It has been just about forever (to me) that we've been talking about it, so sometimes it doesn't seem like it's really happening! So far we are only able to pack and move boxes of stuff we don't need for now, but pretty soon we'll be putting out the notice to all our friendly offers of help that it's time. Myself looking more and more like an over blown beach ball has been hidden under my shirt, I wont be much help with the moving, and at times I find it frustrating.

I had an OB appt on Monday, and waited the hour and a half for a four minute visit. ahhh I don't care much for that part, but I figure that we all go there so that the DR can be there to deliver our babies when it's time... I should cut a little slack when they have to be out delivering. It would be nice if they'd make it to ours this time ;0) We are 2 for 2; one of those was a prayed for MIA! Thank God! :-D
I think the whole thing would've been a little easier if there hadn't been so many siblings waiting too. The office is so crowded on a regular basis with expectant mommas and other patients, but this time there were 5 different families with their older children there... a total of 12 kids, ranging in age and temperaments!
I have found myself easily frustrated with either other people's kids or their parenting skills lately... and one family there was really hard to listen to! I found my tongue was hurting after the first 15 minutes and we waited an hour and a half together.

The appt went well, as usual. Measuring fine, actually 2 centimeters smaller than with Aliyah, yet I weigh as much now (with 7 weeks to go) as I did at her delivery! I wondered where it all went to, but then my....ummmm... counter balance has been growing well! ;0) Heart beat was going fine and she even did a half twist for the Dr to see.... and then readjust the Doppler. I was literally out of there in 4 minutes, with making the next appt! I felt worst for my kiddos and their Auntie and Uncle (who had to wait their dinner) though from the reports things there had gone well.

I am still finding some strange little nesting things to washing the folding chair upholstery.... where some of these things come from I don't quite know. My house doesn't necessarily look very "cleaned" with stacks of empty boxes waiting to be packed (they take up less space empty, so we wait to pack them until we are ready to move them) and some disorganized things that no longer have their home.... but at least I'm not being nagged in the night by the thought that the folding chairs are dirty! :-S LOL

Tuesday I had had low blood sugar, to the point hubby almost had to stay home; and it was decided that I needed to take a nap leaving Ysa in charge and having a movie to help keep them occupied. So when I woke up to an inch of water on the bathroom floor, courtesy of Aliyah overflowing the sink until the entire bathroom floor was an inch deep... I thought, yeah, that was a brilliant idea. It took 45 minutes to vacuum it all up and then I still had to wash out the rug and towels (a feeble attempt at soaking it up) to hang them up to dry. I was not a happy momma, but as I was wiping around the toilet, I thought.... I guess it was time to scrub the floor again. **sigh** Thanks Lord for giving me the motivation to do this job.... and please protect my kids!
It was a wonderful reminder of how I can't do this on my own strength! By my self I am completely incapable, and even totally unwilling at times, but I can do all things through Him who strengthens me! and who will equip me to do His will. :-D

Hebrews 13: 20-21
20 May the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great shepherd of the sheep,
21 equip you with everything good for doing his will,and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ; to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

On to the next thing

Sooooo when does the break come?
We have been very busy lately, and just when I thought we were past a couple of hurdles, I was given more to jump, and they're closer together! **sigh**
This is probably tiredness talking, partly.

I was able to see the Lord's hand moving very well today, like glasses were placed on my spirit.
Sunday even was full of trials, and Monday was full of stress and trying to take care of what all Sunday brought. Tuesday started in a flurry and half way through the day I got to glimpse a little bit of what the Lord has planned for this trial. It is always for our good and His Glory! He is Soooooooooo Good!
Shortly thereafter, I got marching orders for the next thing.

Thankfully He let me see how He always provides before the new marching orders! I can rest a lot better tonight... fresh in my mind is the unrelenting care of the Father.

Good night.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

The heart of God

Disclaimer: I'm not assuming to speak in God's place. Just sharing what was on my heart.

It has been on my heart to teach my children to recognize their emotions as a gift from God. He gave us joy. He gave us the outlet of tears. He gave us anger. He gives us peace. We are to use our emotions and all His gifts to us to His glory.

So "be angry and sin not." Not 'do not be angry.'
We read today of Saul's first battle, in 1st Samuel. "Then the Spirit of God came upon Saul when he heard this news, and his anger was greatly aroused."
Later we read of David, and Jesus having righteous anger. The key word being righteous, as well as not sinning in this anger.

Of course, there are other emotions to cover.

I have mentioned my friend going through a tough time, another friend is grieving the loss of her father. With them, something in me cries. Sometimes, all of me cries. I often chasten myself for being nosy and too involved in others business, but I do truly feel the pain. Certainly not what they feel, but my heart aches for theirs.
It occurred to me today, that God has that too. **Probably not the nosy, busy body feeling. ;-)** He has compassion on us and comforts us in our hurting. Why in the world did Jesus cry at Lazarus' tomb, when He knew he would be raised in a short time!?! Because He felt for Martha and Mary, in their distress and anguish.

We can share in others joy! The wonderful announcement of another life born. Created for an eternity of glory with God, and yet such a small being, spinning on a ball in a vast universe! Awe inspiring and joyful! And I have never even met them. I read her blog yesterday for the first time, but God knows intimately their goings out and their comings in.

To me all of this culminates as an inspiration of who God is. Who created everything from nothing! He created things majestic and microscopic, things beautiful and curious. He created us in His image, so some of our traits are His. We are Body, Mind and Soul, He is Father, Son and Holy Spirit. We are in all of our body at one time, yet not one part of our body can be defined as containing all of us. My hand is my hand, but I am not my hand. God is present everywhere, all the time, yet no place can contain Him, that we can say 'here is God.'
Our emotions, I believe, we share with God. He is "a jealous God." "He is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger (but He does get angry) and abounding in love." He is merciful, and forgiving.
I could be wrong. However, I think that the Lord has been teaching my heart to use the emotions He gave me to Bless the Lord and those He has placed in my life.

Thursday, July 24, 2008


Sometimes I think back on life and how much things can change in so short a time! If I sound really **nostalgically** old, it's cause it's almost my birthday and I have a tendency to reflect back on what has changed.

10 years ago, I was so very different! I often wonder if some of my dearest friends now, would have wanted anything to do with me then! (apart from a ministry role)

9 years ago I was pregnant with my Ysabella, our oldest. I was a far cry from living for God, but thankfully I was saved by grace! As our pastor would say, I was "going to heaven, but with singed underwear!"

8 years ago I really started on the journey of Surrender. From there forward it gets a lot better, and that's sad to say, as I continue to look forward from here and see how much more I need changed!!!!! :\

On other notes... We have been changing a lot around here too. Highlights of which....
Our Suburban is being sold, and we have bought a newer Van! Air conditioning is really cool! (sorry that's puny)
We have been packing things to move, which will hopefully be before 2009!
We have 2 in full school mode, a first for us. And 2 who love to join in with everything! One more is doing well and has a name!!!
Brianna Joylinn will be joining us on the outside sometime in the latter part of September, begining of October!

No matter what changes may come, I think I'm glad that they do come. I don't think 9 or 10 years ago I would've "wanted" some of the changes we've gone through *there may be more to come I'm not especially fond of having* yet knowing where God has brought us.... so far in so short a time.... I think I'm glad change does come.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Let the nesting begin

Well, I think that I have started the nesting phase of this pregnancy. It's nice and it's not. ;0)

I feel tired, but there is something compelling me to scrub the bathtub, toilet and bathroom floor. To vaccume, clean all the glass sides of our tanks (fish and turtle), to wash the shower curtains, scrub the bathroom stool and clean the toilet scrubber holder.... maybe a little over the top.
The dishes are clean, the laundry is off the line, and put away, we did school... I feel accomplished, but somehow, not done.

I think, since I am tired, I should reign in the compulsive cleaning for the day. Rest is important too.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Lazy Blogger

Today as I perused the blogs I keep up with, and noticed some people hadn't posted in a while, it then dawned on me that I haven't posted in a while....ahem.... a lot longer than any of the other blogs I read. **guilty laugh**

Not that I haven't thought of several things to post, I've just been too lazy or busy to do it.

Here goes some rambling of things I've thought of blogging over the last, hmmmmmmm, month or so.

Before we were taking our little Aliyah for her last tests, I was sitting outside watching my kids play in the front yard. Watching my son I thought of how he sometimes gets so frustrated that something isn't working out just right and I often wait for him to figure it out on his own. I allow the trial and sometimes failure for him to learn. I thought of this awhile and felt that maybe God also allows us to sometimes go through things and even fail to learn more about Him and be stronger in the end.

I watched Aliyah play. I felt that wondering at how God creates life from such little things, and what they become.
With her tests looming and uncertainty in my mind, I had a chance to see her figuring out the world. Enjoying the simple pleasures of summer and playing in the sprinkler. I felt touched with the thought that all that care and welling up of emotion I could feel for her, was so small a thing compared to the love God has for her! I felt the uncertainty vanishing, and the presence of God in the warm sun and gentle breeze. It is sufficient to rest in His grace. If only we will Be Still and know. Had I been "being productive" I would've missed those wonderful moments of quiet assurance, and I really needed that more than clean dishes!

The other day a dear friend and I were discussing prayer requests, and she mentioned her need to let go of somethings, she doesn't know what, but they are causing her physical symptoms. This is a struggle for my control freakish nature too. I keep reminding myself 'today has enough trouble, I need not borrow any from tomorrow.' Later that night as I was reflecting on my own need to surrender all and praying for hers. As I lay there, I realized that all means all, every. When we surrender all we hold nothing back. Wow. I thought, and decided that because of it's very nature this must be a repetitive action! So I sang the hymn I Surrender All and prayed that I would truly surrender all -- acknowledging that even that must be surrendered as with out help, I can't even get that far.

A neat God's timing story came about recently as my mom had to travel for work. She had been aggravated by the constant postponing of the class she needed to take, and not knowing when she'd need to be gone. However, when finally the plans were made ready, it turns out that the Lord had provided that her best friend was going to be visiting the same state and area where my mom went during the same time. Being that they live on separate sides of the country all the time, it was a wonder how they "happened" to be going to a different state during the same 2 week period, for different reasons. She was able to meet up with her best friend, have a companion, and do some fun things before her class started. They had fun visiting the Creation Museum and catching up. We marveled at how God provides, not only for the needs, but some of the smallest desires. He saw fit to allow the postponing for such a time as this, that they got to enjoy.

Any of the other witty nonsense I came up with, has been lost in the condition called pregnant brain. But hopefully this gives some reflections that point in the direction of God for my fellow pilgrims.

Friday, May 23, 2008

Texas Update

Interesting articles....

As I mentioned previously....see "Shame on Texas" below...
the parental rights nightmare going on in Texas has me pretty upset.

The 31 girls who were alledged to be between 14 and 17 years old has dwindled down to 8. All the others have been cleared as "adults." One 14 year old, is not, nor has been pregnant... she should be off the list soon. See more details here.

Thursday, the Third Appealate Court "ruled DFPS failed to provide, as required by Texas law, "any evidence of danger to the physical health or safety" of children on the ranch who had not reached puberty." and "The Court ruled that the state offered "legally and factually insufficient" grounds for the "extreme" measure of removing all children from the ranch, from babies to teenagers."

Texas is, of course, appealing.

The Good "News"

Sometimes a little hard to find amongst the miriad of "bad news"
I did run across a couple of good reports this week.

Check out this story of a third grade boy who saved the life of a class mate.

And this one of a 16 year old boy who helped save the life of a 5 year old.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Our latest

Thought maybe a real update is necessary.

Today we are 20 weeks and Friday we find out who's baking! ;0)

Aliyah's Ped. Urologist has ordered another Renal Scan, Nuclear Medicine; and I will be unable (for the first time) to be in the room with her. However, Daddy will be there for that part and we will all be together again shortly after the test is completed. I will still help her through the cath and IV portion; which was releiving as Daddy may have gone ballistic and knocked out a nurse had he been the one there! :-P

After that we will have to see what Dr thinks is needed next and go from there. If he happens to mention surgery (last time I expected him to mention it...he wanted to schedule it. I never know what to expect with him) we will go for the second opinion I'd thought about as it is such a risk either way.

Other than that life is "normal"...... right?
We are looking at a vehicle situation trying to use wisdom and not only frustration. Our suburban had a big issue last week, but less than the usual $500; the Jeep still has some quirks we are sinking more $$ into; then today, we think our little commuter has alternator trouble..... **sigh**

Anyway, that's the news from the front lines. ;0)


For some reason, maybe hormones? lately many ironic things have been hilarious to me. I'd rather have that be a side effect of pregnancy than the other various moods we become stricken with. ;0)

So I was posting a comment on a friend's page and the word verification...see title, looked funny... literally.
Earlier today it was the fact that while doing one yucky thing, working with raw chicken, I have to stop, wash really well, so that I can change a really yucky diaper; after which I wash really well, and start back to the first yucky thing. And the irony had me laughimg for awhile.
Then this afternoon we received a shipment we've been expecting. There should be 5 identical boxes, but according to the shipping records only one has actually been sent. So when the 4 that "aren't sent yet" arrived and the one was MIA, I think it is funnier than Abbot and Costello!

In a way I hope this passes quickly, I'm getting tired of explaining the lastest strange occurance that has me rolling to poor hubby.

Friday, May 09, 2008

gift giving

Sometimes I wonder why we give gifts to people.
Is it that we want to make them feel our love, our appreciation for them? ~or~ Is it because we feel the need to give them some thing?
That may not sound like a big difference, but in the heart of the issue, it is. Do we desire only to make our selves feel good by giving a gift or do we desire the receiver to feel good?

Now "gifts" is not my love language, so for me they carry no special meaning of being loved. For someone who does speak that love language, things are probably different.

I would rather skip the card, candy, flowers and dust collectors for awhile and do something meaningful instead.

Did you realize that this Mother's Day, somewhere, a mother will be devasted by the loss of her child? Do you know that most of the time it could be prevented with fresh water, proper nutrition, or even basic medical treatment?

I would rather know that a "gift" to me was making a bigger impact where it is needed, than cluttering my house with another thing that will sit collecting dust!

Both Food for the Poor and World Vision offer "gift" catelogs that allow such impactful gifts to be given year round. You can choose a donation that will house a family, teach a mother a trade skill so she can earn income, farm animals to provide food and income to a family and wells to provide fresh water. You can give towards something or give the whole thing yourself; and when you do it in honor of someone, say for Mother's Day or a Birthday, the person receives a card that is personalized by you and describes their gift.

How many of us need another box of chocolates? a figurine of some breakable nature and no useful purpose? or a boquet that will die days from now? How many need food? water? shelter? medicine?

Like I said, for me it is no issue not to "get something."
I know I am loved. To me, making one mother's day; the gift of a living child, or the ability to feed your child... that is what would bless my heart most.

Sunday, May 04, 2008


from A.W. Tozer's "The Pursuit of God"

"We are often hindered from giving up our treasures to the Lord out of fear for their safety. This is especially true when those treasures are loved relatives and friends. But we need have no such fears. Our Lord came not to destroy but to save. Everything is safe which we commit to Him, and nothing is really safe which is not so committed."

(italics mine)

This truely spoke to me as I read it.
Through the last 3 years the Lord has been teaching me a deeper meaning of surrender. He brought me to a place (shortly before I started blogging) where I was willing to say "have thine own way" and release my will to His, even though quite painful.

Then He blessed us with Aliyah and I have always felt keenly, that I need to let go this treasure....constantly. Treasure her and love her, but always be ready to yield her to His will for her. I often try to relate this to my other little ones, but with her it is a penetrating emotion.

We see her Pediatric Urologist tomorrow; he will be reviewing the results of her latest ultrasound. Her left kidney (the one that works) has grown "bigger" but we don't know what that means. Do they mean longer or is it more dilated? That is the all important question. Longer is ok, it has to be bigger since it is the working one. Further dilated is not so good.

I am trying to remember and practice the Rules for Contentment numbers 2 and 5 especially.

2. Never picture thyself under any circumstances in which thou art not.

5. Never dwell on the morrow. Remember that it is God's, not thine. The heaviest part of sorrow often is looking forward to it. "The Lord will provide."

"God Almighty loves thee better and more wisely than thou dost thyself." ~and if that is true about myself, how much more true of my little one!

I need not think the "what if this...." "what if that..." questions. He has her in the palm of His Hand, and she couldn't be in a better spot than that!

Lord, I release my children to Your Will for them.... again. (and I may have to keep doing it, day by day.) I do know You have them safely in Your arms and that I can trust You with them more than I can trust me.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Solved Mystery

For the last several weeks, my hubby and I had been wondering to where half a dozen pair of underware had disappeared.

I do at times allow help from each child in sorting, folding and putting away our laundry, yes even little Aliyah is allowed to "help!" Well, one of those times someone had stuck his underware in the back of the sock drawer and socks proceeded to fill in the drawer to the point of covering all of the pairs entirely!
Today I found them when adding socks. I went to put them in and wondered at the stack at the back... that's when I was able to see clearly what they were.

I wish all mysteries were so easily solved!

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Shame on Texas!

I am not Mormon, nor a polygamy advocate.

So today in Texas, parents accused of abuse have no due process. Without following the traditional practice of investigating a claim families have been ripped apart.

Mothers and children seperated.
CPS bus supervisors, having taken lists of names, call the mothers names and the number of children going with them, and escort them off the bus. Mothers who have children under the age of five are allowed to take all their children and get off the bus at the Coliseum. No caretakers are allowed to go along with the mothers to help. Mothers who do not have children under the age of five, but children five and older, stay on the bus and are driven a short distance to the Pavilion. All caretakers are also told to stay on the bus and get off at the Pavilion. Inside the Pavilion there are many CPS workers, male and female. Workers call the group of mothers and children to order, then a spokeswoman reads the names of mothers, caretakers, and number of children who go with each one again. Mothers and caretakers are told to walk a short distance away from the children. Some children try to follow their mothers and caretakers, but are stopped by CPS workers. Any mothers who object are escorted by CPS workers. Once the group is sorted, the CPS worker in charge tells the mothers and caretakers to step into the next room where, "...we will give you some information." Some children start to cry and hold on to their mothers. CPS workers take hold of children and say, "We will watch you. Your mom is just going to step into the other room. We will watch you until she gets back." Mothers reluctantly walk into the next room where the entire wall is lined with policemen, firearms handy. The mothers and caretakers are called to order as the spokeswomen reads the "information". The mothers and caretakers are told that the state has custody of their children. The adults are given two choices: to go back to the Ranch, or to go to the Family Alliance Shelter. There is not a choice to stay with the children. One caretaker asked what the shelter was, and if it would mean they could be closer to the children. A CPS worker explained that a person could go to the Family Alliance Shelter if they were afraid of anything happening to them at the Ranch. The majority of mothers and caretakers chose to go by bus to the Ranch.
Monday, April 14, 2008 2:35 PM

That's from this site set up by the church to support the restoration of the families.
Go there if you have an open mind, watch the videos and read the timeline articles.

You wont typically find this side of the story in the media.

At least California law, if not Federal law, states that children cannot be interviewed without the parents consent and they are entitled to be in the room. Where are these parents rights?

We also have a couple of legal safe guards like "innnocent until proven guilty" and the right to face your accuser.
The accused in this case doesn't even live in Texas,, he lives in AZ and the accuser is MIA! Yet for some reason 400+ children were removed from their homes for this?!?

An appropriate commentary from Joshep Farah at World Net Daily. says it better than I can!

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Big Decision

Well, Aliyah is 18 months old! **ahhhhh** Where does time go?

I have had her Pediatric Urologist for longer than she has been out, as we saw him before she was born for a consult. He isn't very good at bed side manner, and has opined on how many kids not to have.... that aren't his business. But the most difficult part is that his billing office has been a thorn in my side for the entire time!

We have been billed for the "write off" portion 2 or 3 times. This last time they have been billing it for over 12 months. My ins. co. finally said they could do no more to help last October. I have sent them all the info. (and more) they could need and still it isn't getting resolved.

That brings me to the "big decision"
Switching DRs
I spoke with our pediatrician's office and asked for a referral, then I called and spoke with one of the staff there. She was very pleasant to talk with, very helpful and polite. She answered all my questions and even encouraged me to call again if I thought of more!!! With the other office, if I got through to a person, they weren't happy to talk to me, no matter how polite I was!

The down side is that they only have an office at Cedar Sinai in Beverly Hills, so no more local visits. It also means starting over. We did want a second opinion at one point, and they do take our ins....

So we have to weigh it out and see.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Mamas, don't give your babies cocoa in their PJs

Our dear Mo had her 6th Birthday Saturday.
As a gift from Auntie Jodi and Family she received "Sipping Chocolate"..... and has been anxiously waiting everyday for it! ;o)

So tonight, after everything was in bed time order, I gave them all cocoa (Aliyah had hot carob), and Mo got to enjoy her special birthday treat! Well, two of them (or should I say Mommy) paid for it with their PJs and a bath -- not that bath's are bad, we quite enjoy them; earlier in the evening, though.

New shift, new bed time, but 10 O'Clock!!!:-O

Sweet and sticky dreams to you! ;-)

Tuesday, March 04, 2008


Start here:

I know we don't all have 2 hours to spend watching this, but if you have sat down to any feature length film in the last month you can make the time! And, Please do!!! Your future (and mine) may depend on it.

"We are apt to shut our eyes against a painful truth, and listen to the song of that siren [tyrannical government] till she transforms us into beasts. Is this the part of wise men, engaged in a great and arduous struggle for liberty? Are we disposed to be of the number of those who, having eyes, see not, and, having ears, hear not, the things which so nearly concern their temporal salvation? For my part, whatever anguish of spirit it may cost, I am willing to know the whole truth; to know the worst, and to provide for it." ~Patrick Henry

What would America's founders do?
Answer: Fight!
"If we wish to be free — if we mean to preserve inviolate those inestimable privileges for which we have been so long contending — if we mean not basely to abandon the noble struggle in which we have been so long engaged, and which we have pledged ourselves never to abandon until the glorious object of our contest shall be obtained — we must fight! I repeat it, sir, we must fight! An appeal to arms and to the God of hosts is all that is left us!" Patrick Henry

We are expected to fight for the freedoms they gave us. Not always with sword and spear and javelin, but in word and deed and surely VOTE!

Read the Declaration of Independence and you will see that they put into it:
"That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, — That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. "

"Is life so dear, or peace so sweet, as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? Forbid it, Almighty God! I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me liberty or give me death!" ~Patrick Henry, March 23, 1775.

"We all must hang together, or assuredly we shall all hang separately." ~ Ben Franklin ~at the signing of the Declaration of Independence.

What course will you take?

Sunday, March 02, 2008

Oh, Gravity

This morning, Ysa (our eight year old) asks:

"Mommy. When did God create gravity?"

"Well," I reply, "when He created the world and the heavens."

**enter into explaination of Mass and Gravity**

"Oh," she says, "I thought it was because of sin. You know, sin causes falls.... and it is because of gravity that we fall."


Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Cold Cereal

I don't normally eat cold cereal.... my blood sugar can't really take it.
Really it's worse than Chinese food; I am hungry about the same time I finish eating it.

But this morning I found some value to it.....
I usually get to eat cold food anyway, so when it took me an hour to eat a bowl of cereal, it wasn't bad that it was cold! Nothing like cold eggs! Ick!

Sunday, January 06, 2008

"Wash your hands with soap AND water!"

My husband used to think I was crazy.

"Why do you always emphasize the water part?" he'd ask.
"Isn't it the soap that should need it?"

"No." I reply, "Trust me, the water needs it!"

Tonight I hear him speaking to our (almost) 4 year old son,
"Use some water too! Not just soap!!!"

Me, Crazy? Maybe not after all.