Outting

We got to enjoy a day out in nature this weekend...
when the weather finally permitted us to go.
We had a nice little picnic,
then set out to "explore!"
Moriah, in a rare "still" moment.
I had to get her attention to get a face shot!
All the other pics have only hat! :)

(If you right click and choose: "open link in new tab," the butterflies are much easier to see)
You can barely see them, but there are two yellow, swallowtail like butterflies.
Neno, who thinks the name of all butterflies is "Monarchs,"
was so excited to see some of these flitting about.
I got this picture of him looking up at me
while trying to capture the beauty of the two playing in air.

Another neat discovery...
tadpoles!
These create hours of entertainment to us!

Big sister, Ysa, trying to teach little Bri how to catch a tadpole. :)

Pumpkin was quite at home playing in the creek!
She was really good at catching tadpoles,
but I fear she may have also killed
several in her wanderings up and down the creek. :/

Karissa had a nice time hanging out in the stroller
and in the back pack carrier,
but was quite happy to be back home
where she is exploring all of her surroundings by crawling everywhere!
She has even pulled to standing now... eeek!~ ;)

Ysa and Bri were buddies this trip.
(They actually chose it that way, I didn't have to ask!)
Obviously they were enjoying their time together.

I am afraid though that we only increased the severity of everyone's camping fever,
which, as you may know, has no cure. ;)

Humble Thy Self

Another lovely little gardening lesson. :)
Humility.

Maybe not in the truest sense, but in the fact that you must humble yourself, or make yourself low, to truly observe and care for the plants. So many little weeds to pull are easy to see from right down there practically touching the ground with my face, but from a standing position are not even remotely visible.
How much is our sin so invisible standing afar until we humble our selves into the dust to really see! It spoke to me as I reached around the flower bed, uprooting minute little weeds before they are well established and able to cause my flowers harm... that unless I am willing to really get down on my face and look at my sin, they may become large and cause more harm!

In the parable of the enemy sowing weeds in the field, the farmer said of his crop, "Let them grow together and we will weed them out at the harvest." The reason being, the good plants would be hurt in the uprooting of the weeds! The weeds there in my heart can hurt the good fruit I so desperately want to grow (and wonder if there is any to really speak of) if they are left to become large... I can't afford to let them get big! But that means I must weed often and humble myself to really see.

Take every thought captive is just that... a call to true, and very difficult, diligence. And it requires humility to see each thought for what it is, and deal with it accordingly.

You know, I am really enjoying gardening and the little lessons I am learning along the way. :)
I hope that it bears good fruit for my family, and for my heart! ;)
How is your garden growing?

ACK! What a Monday!

So today had a serious case of the Mondays...

We accomplished some good things, but for quite a bit I had an attitude which was fueled with the bickering of children. Around evening time, Uncle Tim stopped by to get the vacuum we are sharing since both of ours are half broken (long story, but we own the same model so we are sharing parts) and I decided to turn on the bubblers to the orchard. We did some other work outside for a few minutes then went back in to work on dinner.
I had pressure cooked a ham bone earlier; so I added the veggies, chopped the ham getting rid of the bone, and put in split peas. I set it back to gain pressure and helped some girls with school. After a bit I moved the pressure cooker to a back burner, off, so it could cool. When I came back later I thought it was done and started to open the lid. I have an antique (belonged to my great grandma) cooker that is tough to open when the pressure is all gone! So when it opened easily and shot pressurized pea soup up everywhere I was a bit shocked!
So the floor that was mopped yesterday, was coated in pea soup and paw prints (at least the dogs got all the stuff up before I re-mopped) today! Mo and I were both thanking God we were spared the scalding since we were both close enough to be burned!
We finished the clean up and making the soup... then I had to wash bowls I used for lunch so we could eat dinner...ate... then we started a huge cleaning project in the girls room, and laundry....

So after hours we sit down to pray. Most of the kids have prayed, and I am reflecting on the day. All of a sudden it dawns on me....
I turned the bubblers ON, but never turned them OFF!
Gasping, I jump up, put the baby down to play and run out of the house! I did grab a sweater and flashlight on my way, but the words to explain myself just weren't forth coming...
After I turn off the water and get back in, I apologize to the kids (especially the one praying) for running out so quickly, and explain.
Ysa said: "I wondered what was going on. I thought maybe Karissa had spit up all over you and you were soaking wet!"
Mo said (as only a Mo can) : "I thought you'd peed."
I laughed and LAUGHED!

Add to that a cutest little baby sitting up all by herself and saying "Da-da-da-da" (both firsts) today! What a DAY!

Since a picture is worth a thousand words...
Here is a picture that is one of my Thousand Gifts.
39. One of Brianna's Curls!
{ My favorite one ;) }

a few thoughts

Ever notice that the truly beautiful sunsets are those with clouds?
The contrast in the sky, the place for the changing light to reflect is not in the clear sky...
the clouds are needed.
There are a few real beauties in the desert,
the sunrise and sunset being two of them.
~~~
The other day as I watered the plants in the evening, with the sun at my back,
I noticed the rainbow in the water spray :)
It was the under side of the rainbow!
Being actually circular, the bottom side of the rainbow has the violet at the top
(or rather inner circle) and the red arching below it... it was really cool!
It made me laugh about the "pot of gold" at the "end of the rainbow"
people chasing a circle for the end ;) lol
~~~

Karissa is *officially getting around.
(*which only means I can not deny ;) it any longer!)
She has discovered the kitchen and dining room,
much to Mommy's dismay!
and wants to be in there as much as she can now!
eeek!
Guess that means I need to sweep more often!
~~~
And now, off to schooling I go!

More Thousand Gifts

18. The moon rising, when it is yellowy orange.

19. Using leftovers in a way that is entirely different than the original dish (like fried balls of "dressing")

20. Singing the "sunflower song" to our flowers

21. Dancing with my girls to Hallelu Et Adonai

22. Watering the gardens and orchard.

23. The wind across my face.

24. Story-nap time.

25. Snuggles.

26. Looking through old family pictures.

27. Hugs.

28. A hot cup of Earl Grey with cream and sugar.

29. Fresh fruit.

30. Learning about new friends.

31. Visiting with old friends.

32. Lighting candles.

33. The "new baby" smell (sigh) :)

34. When the kids "do Mommy's hair"

35. Hearts (everywhere!)

36. Watching the clouds change shapes as they move across the sky.

37. Seeing the owls swoop by us anytime we drive home in the night.

38. The sound of waves crashing or waterfalls.

Pictures from the week

These are some of the fruits of our garden labor. Strawberries! :)
Living in California and having access to Oxnard strawberries regularly, it seems odd to try to grow some too, but it seemed fun and rewarding so we are giving it a shot!

This variety is called "Sequoia Strawberry."
Now, also being able to enjoy the Sequoias on our camping trips, and having hugged the base of a giant with the kids a couple of years ago (See pic below,) the name brings to mind HUGE strawberries, does it not!?!


This is one of the strawberries we have from our Costco box, next to our home grown "Sequoias" ;) hmmmmmmmmmAnd this is them individually next to some familiar sizes ;) for reference.

And this is us, with a Sequoia, also for reference ;)

I found this funny...
maybe they are describing the giant flavor of the berries??? ;)
They are very tart for such small berries!

We also have some yucca growing in front.
I recently cut all of the dead flowers from last year
(shoulda done a long while ago, but couldn't while {fat} pregnant... they are poky!)

and they have soooooo many flowers now!

Aside from their poky exterior, they really can be beautiful! ;)

Weeding: Lesson of the Mustard Weeds

My kids and I have really enjoyed "Hind's Feet on High Places" for years. Often on a bad day we would write out (or draw) our actions or feelings, talk about it, pray about it, then make an altar and burn it up.
The idea of seeds being planted in your heart was another word picture we adopted from there.

Today we did some reinforcing that idea with some real (big!) mustard weeds.
When there are relationship issues in our home, we will sit and work through it until we get "to the root" of the problem. We talk about whatever the issue was being like a seed that gets planted. When we "let the sun go down" on our anger (or other issue) we give that seed a chance to germinate and take root. If we handle it soon after it happens it is easier to get rid of, but the longer it is there, even if it goes unnoticed, the harder it is to uproot!
Outside we found little weeds and much bigger weeds. I made each child with me pull a small mustard weed. They had to get the root out too, so they wound up pulling a few.
We took note that the weeds in softer ground came out easier than those in the hard packed dirt.
Then we went to the mustard giants we have growing in another area. They are roughly 3 feet tall, and about 3/4 inch in diameter. These are very hard to uproot! Most will leave quite a bit of root behind when they do finally come out, but our purpose is to get all of the root out.

Then we went in, as it was cold, and talked about it.
Which were the harder to pull?
The bigger ones were harder over all, but the small ones in tough ground also didn't move easily. I told them, "When we have issues between us and someone else, the weed that is planted will grow bigger the longer it is there. The bigger weeds are harder to pull out, right? So we need to get to those weeds while they are small. Just like the hard ground was harder to weed, and the soft ground easier; hard hearts will be harder to remove the root from. We need to try to have soft, teachable hearts toward each other."

But there is more we plant. You reap what you sow.

Galatians 6 "A man reaps what he sows. ⁸ The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit,
from the Spirit will reap eternal life."
Hosea 10 "¹² Sow for yourselves righteousness,
reap the fruit of unfailing love,
and break up your unplowed ground;
for it is time to seek the LORD,
until he comes
and showers righteousness on you.
¹³ But you have planted wickedness,
you have reaped evil,
you have eaten the fruit of deception."

We talked of desiring to grow in certain behaviors. Since we have been gardening the kids get the idea of nurturing a plant. Knowing that it is easier to grow weeds, we talked about what we have been doing to grow plants we want to enjoy. So too if we desire the fruits of good actions and thoughts, we must be sowing them, nurturing them and keeping the weeds out!
I told them that we can actually nurture the weeds, the bad attitudes or behaviors. We can choose them, or ignore them and they will grow in us until they are difficult to rid ourselves of them. Pull them while they are small and it is easy, before they choke out the good we want to grow!
And now, I'm off to help 2 little people who have some weeding to do...

Join the Blog & Share

Join the Blog and Share! :)

I added this post from last June. It was hard to choose between that post and this one. ;)

Join the fun and blog hop! :) There are quite a few really great posts and I'm not through the list yet! :)

~Strength~

Today I was thinking about strength. Some of us seem to naturally have more than others, but aside from being a strong character due to gifting, it is something that must be cultivated.

If we exercise our bodies the muscles gain strength. If we cease from activity for a length of time, muscles weaken or even atrophy. So too strength of character takes exercise and commitment to stick with it.

True strength can only come from One Source.

The Bible is full of references to God being our strength:
Isaiah 41:10 (very popular!)
"So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

Psalm 46:1
"God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble."

Psalm 18:1
"I love you, O LORD, my strength.
The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;
my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge.
He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. "

Psalm 28:7
"The LORD is my strength and my shield;
my heart trusts in him, and I am helped.
My heart leaps for joy
and I will give thanks to him in song. "

Psalm 118:4; Exodus 15:2; Isaiah 12:2
"The LORD is my strength and my song;
he has become my salvation. "

Habakkuk 3:19
" The Sovereign LORD is my strength;
he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
he enables me to go on the heights. "

It is also full of references to God *giving* us strength.
Isaiah 40:29-31
"He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint."

Psalm 18: 32, 33
"It is God who arms me with strength
and makes my way perfect.
He makes my feet like the feet of a deer;
he enables me to stand on the heights."

Philippians 4:13
" I can do everything through him who gives me strength. "

2 Thessalonians 3:3
"But the Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen and protect you from the evil one."

God has often used trials in life to strengthen me, and I hear other believers have the same experience. God will give you the strength for whatever you are called to go through, but not whatever your friend is call to or your neighbor... or even your imagined troubles. Don't say "I could never _____." because you won't be given the strength until you need it and seek it!

When you face trials of many kinds, you have a choice how to walk through it. This will also dictate what grows within you. Will you choose to seek strength from the Only Source that can help? or let that part atrophy? Maybe you are naturally strong so you try to do everything in your own strength? I fall into this trap quite a bit, but I always find that my strength fails! Only walking in His strength am I able to do any good thing!

So, what should we do when we face trials and need strength?
Seek His Face, Remember His deeds and tell others about them, Thank Him, Glory in Him and Rejoice! Let the Joy of the Lord be your strength. (Nehemiah 8:10b)
1 Chronicles 16:8-12 says
"Give thanks to the LORD, call on his name;
make known among the nations what he has done.
Sing to him, sing praise to him;
tell of all his wonderful acts.
Glory in his holy name;
let the hearts of those who seek the LORD rejoice.
Look to the LORD and his strength;
seek his face always.
Remember the wonders he has done,
his miracles, and the judgments he pronounced"

In the words of Paul,
"For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." (Ephesians 3:14-21)

What scriptures encourage your heart?
Are you a naturally strong person who tries to do it all in your own strength?
What do you do to remain strong?

Varied thoughts on Mother's Day

As I looked forward to today to celebrate with my family, I was reminded of my dear friends for whom this day will be difficult.

Kristy once again shows hope through her loss at her post Sorrowful yet Always Rejoicing.

Alice has been whole and rejoicing in heaven with our Savior for 3 months as of yesterday, with today being the first Mother's Day the girls have without their mother here.

Others come to mind too, and I am praying for them.

I could never say this all as well as Lynnette did in her post of Mother's Day Meditations.

Also I had the time to read this sermon (since it was so long my internet would never download it) on Mothers from Proverbs (and everywhere else in the Bible) and really enjoyed it! I laughed, was moved to think, and was convicted. I pray if you have the chance to listen or read it, you will be blessed by it as well!

I pray you have a wonderful Mother's Day! We have much to give Jesus praise in everyday, but today especially we thank Him for the high calling of Motherhood!

Spiritual Goosebumps

Lynnette at Dancing Again has such a heart to see triumph over our afflictions and victory in Christ Jesus! Hop on over to her blog and read of this passion! She is such a welcoming and encouraging blog sister! I hope her joy spills all over you as it has me :)

My story:
I was raised in a Christian home that faithfully attended church. The abuse I experienced as a child was not from within the home, but like so many others, from people close. It started young enough that I don't remember ever even realizing it was wrong or abusive. This was just part of life.
Being a victim of an abuse, if not worked through, makes you more vulnerable for other abuse. Such was the case with me.
Aside from the abuse issues, I was on a downward spiritual slope. I wanted what was evil, I sought it. I was into drugs, alcohol, spiritism, promiscuity; my thoughts were vile and I hated me! I had great grades, was considered to be a good kid by friend's parents (which means we got away with more) and other than my very obviously immodest attire, most would never have guessed that my backpack had whiskey my friend stole from her parents for me and very few books! I lead others into temptation and sin, some of them away from God and toward what is evil. I struggle sometimes looking at what has come in their life that I had a part in. What a train wreak! I was desperate. I hated me and wanted the easy out. I considered suicide and the person who "saved me" from myself, built trust in me he later decided to take advantage of. I found myself wondering if it is abuse when you are compelled to do something and it leads to a place you don't want to go? yet do anyway.

I continued to spiral out of control, but got my head together enough to get off of drugs and alcohol. By this time I was 13. After an inappropriate relationship with a 32 year old man (yes when I was 13) things began to really change. I attended a Back to Genesis conference with my mom. I'm not even sure what all happened there, but it was moving and exciting! Change was really getting a hold of me and I felt different.
I decided to look into this religion thing. I researched and studied. I had a group of friends that would discuss this at lunch with me. One became Jewish at the end of it!

Then one night I felt broken in my spirit. I wept and repented, but felt I was being moved to go to my mom and confess. I felt the Spirit really moving me, and believe me I was fighting going to confess, but I had no peace! I went and spilled all of the contents of my heart to her. I sought forgiveness, and though I don't remember saying some official prayer or anything I look back to this night as the day I received Salvation.
I was saved from much! Much more than many even realize if they only know who I am now. I am so unlike that person that at times it is hard to believe it was me!

I did not mature quickly in the faith, and found myself in habits of sin, especially double mindedness and promiscuity. I was perfectly capable of going Monday through Saturday living my way, and carving out Sunday for God... or at least enough time for church and Sunday School. I taught children's Sunday school and VBS, went on missions to Mexico... but really I was so compartmentalized that I never considered my hypocrisy. Until I couldn't hide it!
God chose to bless me in my sin, and I have Ysabella to show for it!
This is where more big changes jump in!
As a 17 year old high school student I was quite frightened over the idea of telling my mom, let alone everyone else that I was pregnant, but I chose to face it head on. Our church helped me to confess my sin in front of a Sunday school group they had chosen for me, and Dave (who was not a Christian yet) to attend. I started to look at what life as a Christian was really to be and to strive to seek His help to be that way!

The next really big Spirit moving experience I had came when we were pregnant for the second time in 2005. The first pregnancy had ended in miscarriage and had been hard on me, as well as our three littles who were so overjoyed to be having a new sibling. (Of the kids, it was probably hardest on Ysa, who was 5, and confusing for the other two at almost 3 and 1.)
Our first ultrasound showed a cute little bean of a baby ;) who was wiggling and had an excellent heart beat! The kids got to watch the newest Rivas on the screen and we were so excited! I got really sick! The next month was a struggle to keep things down and I had a trip to the ER for dehydration. At our second visit, as we tried to hear a heart beat, there was nothing. The nurse acted like it happened sometimes, old me to get dressed again, we'd move to the next room over for an ultrasound. She left to prepare the room, and give me privacy, and I cried out to God.
"Lord, I want to want what you have planned. Please prepare my heart for what is coming." And the Spirit moved, and I was deeply sad. I know God was answering my prayer, and allowing me to be ready. I felt overwhelmed with the sadness, yet comforted to feel the Comforter there with me. The nurse asked if my family in the waiting area should come, I said no. As we saw our baby on the screen, still as small as last time, with no heart beat I cried. We brought in my family, and as my now 6 year old saw our baby she said, "Mommy. Did our baby go to be with Jesus?" I said, "Yes Sweetie. This baby is with Jesus now." The next weeks were full with grief, the D&C I dreaded, and the sweet comfort of my Savior! I can look back there and remember that closeness; that resting peace.
The gold came out of the furnace further refined, and the dross swept away. I had a new understanding, a new outlook, and a new tender place for others.

God has used my sin, my circumstances, my pain, my joys to make me who I am now. God will continue to work until He has brought it to completion! Thank you Jesus! May you be glorified in me!

Do you have a story to share that could encourage someone walking a path you have? Do you have a testimony to the beauty that God will bring out of the ashes of your trials?

Joy

I was feeling in a funk, and I couldn't talk myself out of it. Generally I can rationalize the moodiness and get past it, but for some reason, my attempts were vain that day. We prayed, I told my kids I was struggling and we prayed together. We started going about our business of the day: shopping. (I'm not a shopper...)
On the way into town we sing, so we started to sing and my mood started to lift!

The Joy of the Lord is my strength!
~The Joy of the Lord is my strength!~
The Joy of the Lord is my strength!
~The Joy of the Lord is my strength!~

It was very nice! Then anytime that feeling tried to creep back in, I'd just start singing!
Thank God for the gift of praise! :)

What do you do to lift your mood? Do you think praising while you are down will help next time you're struggling?

Gardening Lessons

Jesus' use of some farming analogies and the Curse in Genesis 3 on the ground have come to a new light on our gardening journey!
I look out on all the weeds in the yard, and see that they grow so well compared to the actual food we are trying to grow... and it reminds me that the ground was to "bring forth for you, both thorns and thistles."
We had several plants that tried to pop up, only to die. Hubby brought up the parable of the seeds sown on different ground.
As disappointing as it has been to find that plants are gone, or withered; it has been sweet to see those same scriptures from a new vantage point.

Anyone else attempting to garden? Do you have any tips?
How's that beautiful purple vine thing Tracey?

Who Knew?

We have been hard at work on some projects out doors.
We've made raised bed gardens, and planted them (mostly)
I also planted some flowers... Sunflowers, California poppies, Chinese Forget-me-nots and Butterfly weed :)
So I have been out working quite often. (I have the peeling shoulders to prove it too!)

It was Monday while I was mowing some of our 5 acres of weeds that I realized it was probably one of the real quiet times I get! Who knew! Loud as it is, with my ear plugs in even, it is actually a nice time to be stilled within and be quiet. It takes little brain power, so my mind is free to reflect and ponder, and pray.

During this time of reflecting I started considering what the neighbors think of me (little housewife) out there doing quite a bit of manual labor.
First I wondered if they thought I was admirable for taking on anything and everything that needs doing... then I started feeling concerned that they may look down on my hubby because he was not the one out there doing it. That's about when the thought hit me that it really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks! Several minutes later I had to revisit the thought of it not mattering, and to be really honest... it happened several times, so I had to tell myself "I distinctly remember being done with that thought!"
Then today it tried to creep back in as I mowed even more yard (and had to fill the gas tank to boot!) but it was squelched faster this time. ;)

On the garden front, we have a few plants that we bought as seedlings that are having a hard time with the strong wind, and we have lost some :( BUT we have started several from seed that are really exciting to watch pop out of the ground! Today I found pumpkin plants growing!!! much to Aliyah's excitement; carrots growing, cilantro and garlic sprouting up more, and a mixed lettuces patch has it's first seedlings sprouting! I can't believe how exciting this has been for all of us! I am hoping that the feelings last so that we keep taking good care of our project!

Thinking of sprouting... proof that I can mess up just about any science project ;) is sitting in my window sill. We have several jars of seeds that have different conditions so that we can see what is needed for growth. So one jar has no water, one is in the cold, one in the dark, one is our control so it has all it is supposed to need, and the last one should have no oxygen. It has a lid, and the steel wool we put in is supposed to have a reaction that removes the oxygen.
Well, can you guess which jar is actually growing well?
The one that has a lid! It may even leaf soon! I can't believe it is the only one doing well! Now I'm not sure what we do with it. The control isn't growing, and one that shouldn't grow is growing! lol Oh well!

Playing with our Pentax

So... I'm no photographer (yet) and we have this nice camera that until recently I have been afraid to touch! But with Mother's Day coming I am working on some pictures for Grandmas :) Now that hard part will be choosing!
So far we have...

This is not a moving picture Bri.

This is not a moving picture Bri...

This is not a moving picture Bri!
LOL

Good Love!

Tea Party

We decided to have a Tea Party tonight :)
Grandpa and Grandma gave us strawberries...
which is enough reason to celebrate to me! ;)

This was Punkin's plate :)
She was so excited to have a pumpkin shaped scone!

This one was Brianna's.

Of course, we didn't actually get dressed up to sit down to tea...
(with China dishes and Silverware!)
we just sat down with all the dirt on their clothes from playing outside!
LOL

Ysa helped make the scones.

Neno sliced the cheese.

Everyone helped with slicing the strawberries!
Aliyah was so proud of Brianna for slicing them without help!

This little sweetie needs to head to the bath!
At which time that outfit will mysteriously disappear to the wash!!!
She's been putting it back on even after it made it to the basket...
so I guess I need to take it to the machine instead.

Sunset!

This was too beautiful to pass up!
(Though I did have wet hair still from a shower... so I rushed it a little)

The real thing seemed to have more orange in it to me.
Made me think my Punkin would enjoy it, so I called everyone to look.

That was when I decided it was picture worthy.
Too bad I don't know much about working a real camera!
These might have come out nicer if I did.

This one got more of the oranges in the shot.
It really had the feel of the light over coming the darkness.
Oranges and Yellows (Joy colors) shown out from behind the clouds brilliantly and changed everything it touched with the colors. :)
Made me feel happy and peaceful.

Failure

Sometimes I wonder why I write.
I like that you read it Tracey :) but I think we are alone out here... lost in the ocean of information we call the web!
I wonder if my motives are pure. Do I write because I want to help, or because I want reassurance, or praise of men? Do I think I have important things to share, or am I trying too hard???

So I question myself in writing this.

I woke up today feeling like a failure.
I'm failing my kids.
I'm failing my husband.
In doing those I'm failing God.
I'm failing my friends who need me.
I cannot keep up with house work and school work and yard work.
I cannot keep my tongue or attitude from being a snare and a problem.
I am just a failure.

So then I start wondering... where does all that come from?
Well, great expectations play a role. No one can do everything, but I expect myself to do almost everything, without a mistake. hmmm. maybe that's a perspective issue.

I know that I let others words/actions hurt me and allow their opinions too much weight. I really should be looking only to please God, but I find it hard not to want to please people.

Part of it may just be an attack, as I try to find things to rejoice over and be thankful always, in every circumstance... maybe this is just a challenge to see if I'll fight and keep on or flee?

When trying to reconcile my thoughts on whether or not to write this, I decided that maybe someone, who needs to hear that they are not alone in feeling this way at times, will stumble across this blog post and be encouraged that others do too sometimes.

I may fail... maybe even frequently, yet I think that even in failing I am not a failure. We learn more from our failings than from our successes... so as long as I choose to learn from those things, they cannot be true failings... can they. ;)

Greatest in the Kingdom

Tonight we continued looking at the final week of Jesus. Earlier we explained and partook of the Lord's Supper as a family. This evening after our reading about what Jesus did on Maundy Thursday, the littles and I took turns washing each other's feet.

It is a neat practice in some churches that they wash the feet of one other person and have their feet washed before the Lord's Table is served. While you wash, you pray for that person.
It is a really neat experience and I wanted to drive home some points with them about being a servant.

So in the midst of this, I have this fun thought...
The "greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven"... doesn't know that they are the greatest!
They aren't even thinking about that, they are simply serving!
WOW!
What a way to know it isn't me!

So after I posted One Thousand Things last night, I surfed blogs I read and found that Kristy at Waiting for Happy blogged about the same book that day! Only she's actually read the book! LOL

She has also done the more important thing... been thankful in the midst of trials!
It's worth a minute to read :)

Psalm 22

Psalm 22 is a prophetic Psalm, pointing to Jesus. Where as I knew that for some reason it stuck me differently reading it yesterday... I added my thoughts in with the passage below.

¹ My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?

This first line is quoted by Jesus on the cross. I wonder was He pointing those around to look at that scripture???

Why are you so far from saving me,
so far from the words of my groaning?
² O my God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer,
by night, and am not silent.

³ Yet you are enthroned as the Holy One;
you are the praise of Israel.
⁴ In you our fathers put their trust;
they trusted and you delivered them.
⁵ They cried to you and were saved;
in you they trusted and were not disappointed.

⁶ But I am a worm and not a man,
scorned by men and despised by the people.
⁷ All who see me mock me;
they hurl insults, shaking their heads:
⁸ “He trusts in the LORD;
let the LORD rescue him.
Let him deliver him,
since he delights in him.”

Did they ever realize that these words of theirs as Jesus hung, were prophesied by King David???

⁹ Yet you brought me out of the womb;
you made me trust in you
even at my mother’s breast.
¹⁰ From birth I was cast upon you;
from my mother’s womb you have been my God.
¹¹ Do not be far from me,
for trouble is near
and there is no one to help.

¹² Many bulls surround me;
strong bulls of Bashan encircle me.
¹³ Roaring lions tearing their prey
open their mouths wide against me.
¹⁴ I am poured out like water,
and all my bones are out of joint.
My heart has turned to wax;
it has melted away within me.
¹⁵ My strength is dried up like a potsherd,
and my tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth;
you lay me in the dust of death.
¹⁶ Dogs have surrounded me;
a band of evil men has encircled me,
they have pierced my hands and my feet.
¹⁷ I can count all my bones;
people stare and gloat over me.
¹⁸ They divide my garments among them
and cast lots for my clothing.

¹⁹ But you, O LORD, be not far off;
O my Strength, come quickly to help me.
²⁰ Deliver my life from the sword,
my precious life from the power of the dogs.
²¹ Rescue me from the mouth of the lions;
save me from the horns of the wild oxen.

²² I will declare your name to my brothers;
in the congregation I will praise you.
²³ You who fear the LORD, praise him!
All you descendants of Jacob, honor him!
Revere him, all you descendants of Israel!
²⁴ For he has not despised or disdained
the suffering of the afflicted one;
he has not hidden his face from him
but has listened to his cry for help.

²⁵ From you comes the theme of my praise in the great assembly;
before those who fear you will I fulfill my vows.
²⁶ The poor will eat and be satisfied;
they who seek the LORD will praise him—
may your hearts live forever!
²⁷ All the ends of the earth
will remember and turn to the LORD,
and all the families of the nations
will bow down before him,
²⁸ for dominion belongs to the LORD
and he rules over the nations.

²⁹ All the rich of the earth will feast and worship;
all who go down to the dust will kneel before him—
those who cannot keep themselves alive.
³⁰ Posterity will serve him;
future generations will be told about the Lord.
³¹ They will proclaim his righteousness
to a people yet unborn—
for he has done it.

~Hope~

This week we celebrate the Resurrection of Our Lord. The only Hope we have.
But what I really feel compelled to write about is the universality of that Hope.
(Not meaning the doctrine that everyone is already saved, but that Salvation came for everyone to choose.)

The Bible says "There is no one who does good, not even one." and "ALL have sinned and fall short of the glory of God."
We are all desperately sinful! From a man's eye view we justify our own iniquities with a "I'm not as bad as______" mentality; but from a God's eye view none of us even come close to hitting the mark!

Maybe you aren't a murderer... have you ever hated anyone or wished something would happen to them?
Maybe you don't steal, or lie regularly....
But each of us sins, even if only being prideful of how much better we are than those others who commit those "heinous sins."

But here's where Hope entered HisStory.
God knows we can never measure up, so He took it upon Himself to bring Salvation to us.
So, maybe you are a murderer... He loved you enough to die in your place.
Maybe you do steal, He has brought you, Free of Charge, a new life. A life that will be forever.

When we see that all of us sin it should show us we all deserve judgment, and death; when we see the gift of Salvation we see it covers all who are willing to "take up their cross and follow."

You don't have to live with the guilt of your sin. No one is so far gone that they cannot turn to Christ.
Ask and you will receive. Seek and you will find. Knock and the door will be opened.
"Come to Me all you who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest." “Come!” Whoever is thirsty, let him come; and whoever wishes, let him take the free gift of the water of life.
Psalm 103
⁸ The LORD is compassionate and gracious,
slow to anger, abounding in love.
⁹ He will not always accuse,
nor will he harbor his anger forever;
¹⁰ he does not treat us as our sins deserve
or repay us according to our iniquities.
¹¹ For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his love for those who fear him;
¹² as far as the east is from the west,
so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

A start on One Thousand Things...

I have heard of a book about One Thousand things to be thankful for... little or big, breath taking or common... things you are blessed by. Though I have not read the book, I thought I could start my own list! As things come to mind I can write them down (was thinking I need a special journal for it :) (The more obvious of family and friends I didn't start with...)

1. The feel of a baby's hand close to your heart while they nurse or sleep.

2. The look in a loved ones eyes when they see you. (especially in young children who will have that look even if they saw you 5 minutes ago)

3. The smell of rain.

4. The sunshine on my face.

5. Clean, Hot, running water.

6. The smell of freshly cleaned little girl hair.

7. Cookies baking.

8. Long talks.

9. Walking on the beach.

10. Waterfalls.

11. Watching the stars come out.

12. Picnics.

13. Tea parties.

14. A good book.

15. Sunrise. and Sunset!

16. A bed, roof over my head and the bountiful things I take for granted (like toilet paper and soap!)

Sooo many things to write of... so little time to write! LOL

Another nice quote:

"Play hard, Laugh hard and leave the worries to your Father." ~Max Lucado (my version)

Where My Heart Lies

I have been having quite a few crying sessions lately... not that I am particularly depressed or anything, but that I have been hurting for others. For the loss a friend recently suffered... for the lost little ones who need a family. I don't know if I am perpetuating it by reading blogs of others that keep bring up either loss or the need of these little orphans to be looked after, (or both! on some blogs!) or if the Lord is showing me something.

So many look and say; "Well, your hands are full!" and I wonder at what hubby would think that his wife sits here considering adopting one of the least of these. He feels quite a bit of pressure to provide for the 6 we have... let alone bringing in another, and the expense that is...

But it is for LIFE! Someone else's very life hangs in the balance!!! I'm not a great mom much of the time to even think that I would be the best thing for one of these children... but it would be better than being alone; and there is plenty of love here to share!

This feels like one of the issues where my heart will be at odds with my reality. For now I think I must just pray for God to move! Move me; Move him; Guide us ~Amen!

Neat New Quote :)

Christian Stay at Home Moms: Changing the World, One Diaper at a Time!

I really like that! LOL ;)

Lessons from Job and his Friends

Reading Job can be confusing, and depressing... but there is much that can be gleaned.

The first lesson I learned from Job's friend's years ago was: "Shut Up!"
There are times where that is really the best thing! They got it right for a week while they sat there and were silent supports for Job. Unfortunately, they opened their mouths!

But since they did we may as well learn some more!

They taught us that though we may think we can judge a situation, we should be wary. They attacked Job with their words, slandered him saying he must be in sin because God would not allow such things to happen if he were not deserving of it.
This reminds me of the idea that some people argue: God must either not be loving, or not exist because of the evil in the world. God allows stuff in our lives. Yes, sometimes our sin gets us into a bad spot, but sometimes it is someone else's sin that causes us to suffer.
We all have free will, so that means some will choose evil, whether in action or inaction. Those who choose evil are the ones who are guilty of being unloving. God allows us to walk through those adversities to come out the other side stronger and purer. And walks with us!
Is there hunger in the world? Yes. So what are we doing about it?
Do we look after the orphan and widow? Do we plead the cause of the oppressed?
Does not God expect us to act? Pray, definitely, and ACT!

I have heard trite answers to others difficulties. "Read your Bible." "You must be in sin. If you weren't things wouldn't be going so badly." Yes, there are times where we can point to a causative in someone's life (the speck vs the plank?!?) and say, "Maybe you outta work on that and this will get better." But, really, if there is not a very obvious, spelled out in scripture issue, we should be careful! Remember we will give account for "every careless word!" (Yikes!)

It is vitally important to read your Bible and to pray. I don't want to down play that in the least, but as the answer to difficult issues... well, I don't think it is being very helpful. I think this approach would be better prefaced with, "I really don't know how to help you..." as otherwise it seems to be more of an accusation against a person... "Well, if you'd just read your Bible this would be fine!" God will allow us hardships that won't make sense on this side of them... and some not this side of heaven; so reading your Bible probably isn't going to make a hardship go away if it isn't a clearly sin issue.

From Job himself we learn that God may consider us blameless and upright though He knows we have much to learn still! Job was questioned "like a man" by God, and learned how little he really knew. But God himself calls him blameless and upright twice at the beginning of the book, and in the end Job is to offer the sacrifices for his friend's. SO hey... you aren't perfect either!!! Don't sweat it, God sees those in Christ through His Son and sees the progress you are making. Just keep moving nearer and nearer, day by day.

These are really the newest additions to my lessons, and unrefined... food for your thought. :)
Be Blessed!

The Lessons from the Lady Bugs

This morning I did a bit of weed mowing around our acreage.
I noticed several Lady Bugs that I at first started to avoid, but soon found I really couldn't!



Unfortunately, I noticed that though there was certainly warning (wind generated by the mower, noise, vibration, etc) they would stay where they were. They had the ability to fly off and yet seemed to sit and say, "It's not going to happen to me. It's way over there."

For some reason this highlighted the areas of my life where I sometimes think it's ok to be passive.. "after all it is happening way over there, not to me." This didn't work out so well for the lady bugs today! I don't want to find out what the mower feels like!

As I sit, the mower whirs at the rights of parents in other countries to homeschool their children. They are treated like criminals for wanting to impart knowledge to their own kids without the state doing it.

I sit and parental rights in our own country continue to erode. Children are forcibly given medical treatment neither they nor their parents want. Children are taken from parents who are trying to do their best, not only the abusive ones we are all concerned about.

I sit while there are children starving, literally, across the globe right now. While my own children go to sleep in a safe, warm home, tummies full... there is a child on the street, hungry and cold. Are we resting in our decadence? Do we continue to live lavishly; thanking God for our abundance, yes, but what are we doing for the "least of these?"

Amazing how much one (namely me) can be convicted of by some bugs! ;)

Guess God knows how to get me to pay attention.

Ten little fingers

Ten little fingers.
Ten little toes.
Two twinkling eyes.
One tiny nose.
A great big yawn,
a sleepyhead nod.
You are so Special!
You're a blessing from God!


A Blessing.
A Blessing.
You are a Blessing from God!
Precious Karissa,
You are so special!
You're a blessing from God!

Simple things....

In Jr High, my language arts teacher made us write down a quote each day... One in particular has always stood out and galls me.
"Simple things amuse simple minds."

Every time I find enjoyment in something simple I remember that horrid quote.
Maybe I should simply get used to the idea of my own simple-mindedness! ;)

We just got grapefruit scented dish soap again after a long while. It is surprising to me how much more I enjoy that silly (yet necessary) task of washing dishes when the soap smells nice! It is so simple, and yet makes it easier to complete the task with a good attitude. I find that oddly amusing.

On our drive home the other day I had the opportunity to watch a turkey vulture playing on the wind currents. Often I get to watch hawks at play, and at night I get to catch a glimpse of an owl as it swoops past my van. [I'm usually the passenger when this sort of thing happens ;)]
I really enjoy watching them. It reminds me that there is more out there in life than my small bit of world. Some where, a baby is born. Some where, some one is getting married. Some where there is joy, and some where there is sadness. While one weeps, one rejoices, and the sun rises and sets on both. I can get stuck in the here and now, and forget that I am not the center of life, nor the things with which my day or week is occupied. The rise and fall of the hawk or the vulture, some how grounds me back in reality... there is more than this.
As I ponder this, and realize that watching the soaring is a simple thing; I cannot help but think also that maybe what we need in our current fast paced society is some more simple minds enjoying those simple things.
Do you miss the sunset because you are too busy? Do you get the chance to sit back and enjoy the view? Stop and smell the roses? The moments are fleeting and easily missed. Are they simplicity and so common that they are overlooked?
The beauty of these simplicities are that they are profound. They speak of the creativity of our God, of His care (after all He feeds the birds) and serve as a reminder that there is more to life than we are sometimes faced with.

Maybe I am simple minded, but maybe the person quoted never knew the joy and beauty of simplicity. :)

contrasts

Seated in the midst of angels praising Him and obeying His Words. Crowned with Glory and Majesty, Robed with Light; He chose.........

To be surrounded by scoffers, crowned with thorns, and robed in loin cloth and blood.
To know that agony lay ahead and choose it, considering not it's shame and lowliness.

For you.
For me.

Praise You Jesus! You have overcome death with Life! You have overcome the world!

It seems I know exactly what I want to say... maybe for several posts even! until I get here that is. Then my mind is as blank as the screen in front of me.

One thing that has been recurring to me lately, is that I would not view each day and each child the way that I do if I had never lost those precious souls I never got to hold here. As I reflect on loosing Alice and how she lived until she went home, not allowing things to keep her down or take the joy out of life, but persevering... I think of how precious each moment is... a gift... one that I don't want to waste.

Often in the day to day of trivial tasks I loose sight of my place in this grand tapestry woven by God. I start to think my part is meaningless and that I am not doing anything to further His Kingdom or show His glory. But a still small voice spoke to me the other day; I needed to do something for the bigger kids... I must have thought it was important then though I can't recall it now, because I didn't want them to have to wait... as I got up to do it I discovered that Karissa happened to need a diaper change and that is when I heard the still small voice saying:
"Taking care of Karissa, shows the others care too. It demonstrates that their needs will be provided for, that you love them. They will understand that you took care of them in the same manner when they were the helpless one. They will learn to care for others needs too. This is discipleship."
That probably isn't something that conflicts others... obviously the diaper needed changing more than whatever else it was, but for some reason that really hit home in my mind.
They are my disciples. They will learn more from what I do than what I say. When I care for one of them with the right attitude, they all learn from that... they will all feel secure knowing their needs will be met.

Each of these days of diapers and dishes, I am demonstrating to them working for the Lord and not for men and, sadly less often, being joyful in everything.

silliness

funny...
I just posted a comment. The word verification that came up directly after mine was

noses

I always find it funny when it looks *similar* to a word, but this one really was a word.
(Ahhhh, and somewhere in the back of my mind is the quote I was forced to learn in Jr High
"Simple things amuse simple minds.")

Alice

Today a dear friend went to be with Jesus. While we rejoice with the angels over her home going, we mourn... deeply.
I had no idea how hard I would take that. It was sudden and shocking... and even after crying about it for hours it doesn't seem real!
Thankfully she is now whole. She is able to freely praise the Lord and isn't limited like she was here. It is obvious she touched many lives with the response I've seen, and will be dearly missed. She was ready though. She had her proverbial house in order, and would talk about "when I'm not around anymore" frequently enough that you knew she had her eyes on the goal and not the distance to it!

It is so odd to me that she was just here last Wednesday, and I was planning on calling her today so we could go visit them tomorrow. She brought back a cd I'd loaned her which we both really enjoyed... it was sad to listen to it today and yet sweet to sing the praises on it knowing that she was singing praises too! We were both adoring at the same time the Lord who brought us together and now has us parted for a time.

Neno said, "It makes me sad to think that they will not see Mrs. Moreland here anymore, they have to wait to see her in heaven, unless Jesus comes back..." It makes me sad too.

Alice, you are missed. Thank you Lord for the time you shared her with us! I pray we will be good stewards of our todays with our loved ones, and hold them close while we can.

If someone else were mother to my children...

We read today in Exodus about Pharaoh's command to kill all the male babies. We talked about some of the parents who followed the order, and those who practiced civil disobedience... Moses' parents.
This lead to a discussion about the value of life and the modern practice of abortion.

If someone else were my children's mother:
Ysa would've been aborted because a 17 year old, unmarried, high school senior was too scared to face that path.
Neno may have been aborted because of finances, and close proximity in age; or perhaps because my husband wasn't ready to have another.
Aliyah would have been aborted because she has kidney issues, and in-utero we were uncertain what that would mean for her future.
Brianna and Karissa may never have been conceived if "permanent" actions had been taken, but if they were many would have *had* to have them aborted because they had "too many" already, couldn't "afford that many" or don't think they can "handle them all."

As for me, I can't imagine life without them! I thank God for them!

Only those who have been able to be around my kids will fully understand what the world would miss without them.
I can't help but think... what does this world miss now because so many are aborted each day!?!

Edited to add:
I hurt for those who have bought the lies of the abortion industry. Those who made decisions based on fears and the timely counsel that is offered by those who would have us believe that one person's rights mean nothing if they happen to be inside of another person... and that they in fact, are not a person at all. (which is not what ultrasounds show... if they'd only let women see those!)
Just on re-reading this post, I was struck by it's insensitive sound, and felt that more was needed.
If you have experienced the hurt left behind after an abortion, please know that I am not condemning you. I feel for you, and would recommend reading Holly's blog.

odd combination of thoughts

If Ysa were to have a child at the age I had her... I'd be a Grandma in 7 years!!!!!!!!!!! :O woah!

On nights where I am up late I require a snack... really I need it! So I wonder... as an underweight, nursing mother, do I always need that snack and am only awake for it on occasion (which seems to be frequent occasions) or do I need it only because I am still alert and requiring my body and brain to function???? The world may never know... (or care for that matter) ;)