Monday, April 25, 2011


Sometimes I wonder why I write.
I like that you read it Tracey :) but I think we are alone out here... lost in the ocean of information we call the web!
I wonder if my motives are pure. Do I write because I want to help, or because I want reassurance, or praise of men? Do I think I have important things to share, or am I trying too hard???

So I question myself in writing this.

I woke up today feeling like a failure.
I'm failing my kids.
I'm failing my husband.
In doing those I'm failing God.
I'm failing my friends who need me.
I cannot keep up with house work and school work and yard work.
I cannot keep my tongue or attitude from being a snare and a problem.
I am just a failure.

So then I start wondering... where does all that come from?
Well, great expectations play a role. No one can do everything, but I expect myself to do almost everything, without a mistake. hmmm. maybe that's a perspective issue.

I know that I let others words/actions hurt me and allow their opinions too much weight. I really should be looking only to please God, but I find it hard not to want to please people.

Part of it may just be an attack, as I try to find things to rejoice over and be thankful always, in every circumstance... maybe this is just a challenge to see if I'll fight and keep on or flee?

When trying to reconcile my thoughts on whether or not to write this, I decided that maybe someone, who needs to hear that they are not alone in feeling this way at times, will stumble across this blog post and be encouraged that others do too sometimes.

I may fail... maybe even frequently, yet I think that even in failing I am not a failure. We learn more from our failings than from our successes... so as long as I choose to learn from those things, they cannot be true failings... can they. ;)


traceylynndel said...

I like how you changed the layout. It looks really nice. But more importantly, I am glad you write. I found it surprising that you could think you are a failure. I'm not sure why I would find that such a surprise. I don't see you as a failure. I see all you do get done. I see how despite hard days and unforeseen troubles that pop up, you remain joyous with a good attitude. (not that you are perfect in those ways, I would have to assume we all have bad days) Your successes far outweigh your failures. You are doing a good job. Keep it up.

Monica said...

I'm so glad you like it Tracey! :)
I had fun making changes, but I'm not sure if I'm done yet. ;)

I think many of us sometimes see *only* our short comings and loose sight of our successes. In fact I think Satan wants it that way so we are too discouraged to make a difference.
Thanks for your encouragement! I *am* trying and that's really all we can do, so that's what I'll keep doing! :)

traceylynndel said...

looking for the "like" button. Shouldn't everything in life have one of those?

Monica said...

hee hee! There should be like buttons everywhere! and Easy buttons... maybe dislike buttons! ;)