Friday, June 08, 2012

When I was in a funk

I had the pleasure of going to a baby shower this weekend with all of my little ladies. :)

We were so blessed to join the Momma to be and Grandmas to be in their joy and celebration!

Oddly though, I sometimes feel the need to avoid these situations.  I get nervous about who will be there, just like my first grade self so many years ago worried about "having a friend." I also worry about the gift portion... it seems I can worry about nothing if I let me.  What if they don't really care for my gift, especially if I made something... or what if someone makes a big deal out of it... that gets nervous too.  Like I want them to like it, but I don't want any attention from it. :\
So when I looked into going, I got nervous!  If I didn't love this Momma so much, I may have allowed myself to back out to avoid the inner conflicts.

Then this morning came.  I was excited, yet apprehensive about the hand made parts of the gift, and a little rushed to get everyone ready.  I felt a little flustered about certain things not coming together.  As we tried to get my little Aliyah and Brianna together for a picture and it wasn't working out, and Honey got irritated, and my hope of this memorial picture fizzled before my eyes... I allowed myself to get in a funk, announced it was time to go, and got everyone in the car.  Now I was feeling mad at just about everyone, and I was "running behind" on the time I felt we needed to leave, and my attitude was icky!

In the car, I told the girls I was not in a good mood, and that we were not off to a great start.
Within a couple of minutes of silent reflection, the Lord gave me a Psalm song to sing: "Create in me a clean heart oh God, and renew a right spirit with in me."  After that another song: "Father I adore you.  Lay my life before you.  How I love you."  I began to feel that I was so concerned over what doesn't really matter at all, that I was loosing track of what was.  I am His vessel, and I need not get so worked up over these little things that aren't His plan anyway!

I sang "Have Thine Own Way" the verse with the potter.  A thought came to me of the polymer clay I had made a few things with especially for the Momma at this shower.  One of the colors was extremely soft and supple, while another was drier and a bit crumbly.  I remember thinking, I want to be the soft workable clay. (Going to get a hands on Bible Study for the kids with this idea!)

Another couple of songs, and I was a new Momma!  I was ready to do my job... Love my Husband and Children.  I was ready to face the party with a proper perspective and with an uplifted face.
Thank You Lord for not leaving me in the mire I made for myself.  Thank you for friends and a chance to rejoice with them.  Thank you for the reminders of the work you will complete in me.
I love you!

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