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Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Pictures from the week


These are some of the fruits of our garden labor. Strawberries! :)
Living in California and having access to Oxnard strawberries regularly, it seems odd to try to grow some too, but it seemed fun and rewarding so we are giving it a shot!

This variety is called "Sequoia Strawberry."
Now, also being able to enjoy the Sequoias on our camping trips, and having hugged the base of a giant with the kids a couple of years ago (See pic below,) the name brings to mind HUGE strawberries, does it not!?!


This is one of the strawberries we have from our Costco box, next to our home grown "Sequoias" ;) hmmmmmmmmmAnd this is them individually next to some familiar sizes ;) for reference.

And this is us, with a Sequoia, also for reference ;)

I found this funny...
maybe they are describing the giant flavor of the berries??? ;)
They are very tart for such small berries!

We also have some yucca growing in front.
I recently cut all of the dead flowers from last year
(shoulda done a long while ago, but couldn't while {fat} pregnant... they are poky!)

and they have soooooo many flowers now!

Aside from their poky exterior, they really can be beautiful! ;)


Monday, May 16, 2011

Weeding: Lesson of the Mustard Weeds

My kids and I have really enjoyed "Hind's Feet on High Places" for years. Often on a bad day we would write out (or draw) our actions or feelings, talk about it, pray about it, then make an altar and burn it up.
The idea of seeds being planted in your heart was another word picture we adopted from there.

Today we did some reinforcing that idea with some real (big!) mustard weeds.
When there are relationship issues in our home, we will sit and work through it until we get "to the root" of the problem. We talk about whatever the issue was being like a seed that gets planted. When we "let the sun go down" on our anger (or other issue) we give that seed a chance to germinate and take root. If we handle it soon after it happens it is easier to get rid of, but the longer it is there, even if it goes unnoticed, the harder it is to uproot!
Outside we found little weeds and much bigger weeds. I made each child with me pull a small mustard weed. They had to get the root out too, so they wound up pulling a few.
We took note that the weeds in softer ground came out easier than those in the hard packed dirt.
Then we went to the mustard giants we have growing in another area. They are roughly 3 feet tall, and about 3/4 inch in diameter. These are very hard to uproot! Most will leave quite a bit of root behind when they do finally come out, but our purpose is to get all of the root out.

Then we went in, as it was cold, and talked about it.
Which were the harder to pull?
The bigger ones were harder over all, but the small ones in tough ground also didn't move easily. I told them, "When we have issues between us and someone else, the weed that is planted will grow bigger the longer it is there. The bigger weeds are harder to pull out, right? So we need to get to those weeds while they are small. Just like the hard ground was harder to weed, and the soft ground easier; hard hearts will be harder to remove the root from. We need to try to have soft, teachable hearts toward each other."

But there is more we plant. You reap what you sow.
Galatians 6 "A man reaps what he sows. 8 The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit,
from the Spirit will reap eternal life."

Hosea 10 "12 Sow for yourselves righteousness,
reap the fruit of unfailing love,
and break up your unplowed ground;
for it is time to seek the LORD,
until he comes
and showers righteousness on you.
13 But you have planted wickedness,
you have reaped evil,
you have eaten the fruit of deception."
We talked of desiring to grow in certain behaviors. Since we have been gardening the kids get the idea of nurturing a plant. Knowing that it is easier to grow weeds, we talked about what we have been doing to grow plants we want to enjoy. So too if we desire the fruits of good actions and thoughts, we must be sowing them, nurturing them and keeping the weeds out!
I told them that we can actually nurture the weeds, the bad attitudes or behaviors. We can choose them, or ignore them and they will grow in us until they are difficult to rid ourselves of them. Pull them while they are small and it is easy, before they choke out the good we want to grow!
And now, I'm off to help 2 little people who have some weeding to do...

Thursday, May 12, 2011

Join the Blog & Share

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Join the Blog and Share! :)

I added this post from last June. It was hard to choose between that post and this one. ;)

Join the fun and blog hop! :) There are quite a few really great posts and I'm not through the list yet! :)

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

~Strength~

Today I was thinking about strength. Some of us seem to naturally have more than others, but aside from being a strong character due to gifting, it is something that must be cultivated.

If we exercise our bodies the muscles gain strength. If we cease from activity for a length of time, muscles weaken or even atrophy. So too strength of character takes exercise and commitment to stick with it.

True strength can only come from One Source.

The Bible is full of references to God being our strength:
Isaiah 41:10 (very popular!)
"So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

Psalm 46:1
"God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble."

Psalm 18:1
"I love you, O LORD, my strength.
The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;
my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge.
He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. "

Psalm 28:7
"The LORD is my strength and my shield;
my heart trusts in him, and I am helped.
My heart leaps for joy
and I will give thanks to him in song. "

Psalm 118:4; Exodus 15:2; Isaiah 12:2
"The LORD is my strength and my song;
he has become my salvation. "

Habakkuk 3:19
" The Sovereign LORD is my strength;
he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
he enables me to go on the heights. "

It is also full of references to God *giving* us strength.
Isaiah 40:29-31
"He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint."

Psalm 18: 32, 33
"It is God who arms me with strength
and makes my way perfect.
He makes my feet like the feet of a deer;
he enables me to stand on the heights."

Philippians 4:13
" I can do everything through him who gives me strength. "

2 Thessalonians 3:3
"But the Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen and protect you from the evil one."

God has often used trials in life to strengthen me, and I hear other believers have the same experience. God will give you the strength for whatever you are called to go through, but not whatever your friend is call to or your neighbor... or even your imagined troubles. Don't say "I could never _____." because you won't be given the strength until you need it and seek it!

When you face trials of many kinds, you have a choice how to walk through it. This will also dictate what grows within you. Will you choose to seek strength from the Only Source that can help? or let that part atrophy? Maybe you are naturally strong so you try to do everything in your own strength? I fall into this trap quite a bit, but I always find that my strength fails! Only walking in His strength am I able to do any good thing!

So, what should we do when we face trials and need strength?
Seek His Face, Remember His deeds and tell others about them, Thank Him, Glory in Him and Rejoice! Let the Joy of the Lord be your strength. (Nehemiah 8:10b)
1 Chronicles 16:8-12 says
"Give thanks to the LORD, call on his name;
make known among the nations what he has done.
Sing to him, sing praise to him;
tell of all his wonderful acts.
Glory in his holy name;
let the hearts of those who seek the LORD rejoice.
Look to the LORD and his strength;
seek his face always.
Remember the wonders he has done,
his miracles, and the judgments he pronounced"

In the words of Paul,
"For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." (Ephesians 3:14-21)

What scriptures encourage your heart?
Are you a naturally strong person who tries to do it all in your own strength?
What do you do to remain strong?

Sunday, May 08, 2011

Varied thoughts on Mother's Day

As I looked forward to today to celebrate with my family, I was reminded of my dear friends for whom this day will be difficult.

Kristy once again shows hope through her loss at her post Sorrowful yet Always Rejoicing.

Alice has been whole and rejoicing in heaven with our Savior for 3 months as of yesterday, with today being the first Mother's Day the girls have without their mother here.

Others come to mind too, and I am praying for them.

I could never say this all as well as Lynnette did in her post of Mother's Day Meditations.

Also I had the time to read this sermon (since it was so long my internet would never download it) on Mothers from Proverbs (and everywhere else in the Bible) and really enjoyed it! I laughed, was moved to think, and was convicted. I pray if you have the chance to listen or read it, you will be blessed by it as well!

I pray you have a wonderful Mother's Day! We have much to give Jesus praise in everyday, but today especially we thank Him for the high calling of Motherhood!

Wednesday, May 04, 2011

Spiritual Goosebumps

Lynnette at Dancing Again has such a heart to see triumph over our afflictions and victory in Christ Jesus! Hop on over to her blog and read of this passion! She is such a welcoming and encouraging blog sister! I hope her joy spills all over you as it has me :)

My story:
I was raised in a Christian home that faithfully attended church. The abuse I experienced as a child was not from within the home, but like so many others, from people close. It started young enough that I don't remember ever even realizing it was wrong or abusive. This was just part of life.
Being a victim of an abuse, if not worked through, makes you more vulnerable for other abuse. Such was the case with me.
Aside from the abuse issues, I was on a downward spiritual slope. I wanted what was evil, I sought it. I was into drugs, alcohol, spiritism, promiscuity; my thoughts were vile and I hated me! I had great grades, was considered to be a good kid by friend's parents (which means we got away with more) and other than my very obviously immodest attire, most would never have guessed that my backpack had whiskey my friend stole from her parents for me and very few books! I lead others into temptation and sin, some of them away from God and toward what is evil. I struggle sometimes looking at what has come in their life that I had a part in. What a train wreak! I was desperate. I hated me and wanted the easy out. I considered suicide and the person who "saved me" from myself, built trust in me he later decided to take advantage of. I found myself wondering if it is abuse when you are compelled to do something and it leads to a place you don't want to go? yet do anyway.

I continued to spiral out of control, but got my head together enough to get off of drugs and alcohol. By this time I was 13. After an inappropriate relationship with a 32 year old man (yes when I was 13) things began to really change. I attended a Back to Genesis conference with my mom. I'm not even sure what all happened there, but it was moving and exciting! Change was really getting a hold of me and I felt different.
I decided to look into this religion thing. I researched and studied. I had a group of friends that would discuss this at lunch with me. One became Jewish at the end of it!

Then one night I felt broken in my spirit. I wept and repented, but felt I was being moved to go to my mom and confess. I felt the Spirit really moving me, and believe me I was fighting going to confess, but I had no peace! I went and spilled all of the contents of my heart to her. I sought forgiveness, and though I don't remember saying some official prayer or anything I look back to this night as the day I received Salvation.
I was saved from much! Much more than many even realize if they only know who I am now. I am so unlike that person that at times it is hard to believe it was me!

I did not mature quickly in the faith, and found myself in habits of sin, especially double mindedness and promiscuity. I was perfectly capable of going Monday through Saturday living my way, and carving out Sunday for God... or at least enough time for church and Sunday School. I taught children's Sunday school and VBS, went on missions to Mexico... but really I was so compartmentalized that I never considered my hypocrisy. Until I couldn't hide it!
God chose to bless me in my sin, and I have Ysabella to show for it!
This is where more big changes jump in!
As a 17 year old high school student I was quite frightened over the idea of telling my mom, let alone everyone else that I was pregnant, but I chose to face it head on. Our church helped me to confess my sin in front of a Sunday school group they had chosen for me, and Dave (who was not a Christian yet) to attend. I started to look at what life as a Christian was really to be and to strive to seek His help to be that way!

The next really big Spirit moving experience I had came when we were pregnant for the second time in 2005. The first pregnancy had ended in miscarriage and had been hard on me, as well as our three littles who were so overjoyed to be having a new sibling. (Of the kids, it was probably hardest on Ysa, who was 5, and confusing for the other two at almost 3 and 1.)
Our first ultrasound showed a cute little bean of a baby ;) who was wiggling and had an excellent heart beat! The kids got to watch the newest Rivas on the screen and we were so excited! I got really sick! The next month was a struggle to keep things down and I had a trip to the ER for dehydration. At our second visit, as we tried to hear a heart beat, there was nothing. The nurse acted like it happened sometimes, old me to get dressed again, we'd move to the next room over for an ultrasound. She left to prepare the room, and give me privacy, and I cried out to God.
"Lord, I want to want what you have planned. Please prepare my heart for what is coming." And the Spirit moved, and I was deeply sad. I know God was answering my prayer, and allowing me to be ready. I felt overwhelmed with the sadness, yet comforted to feel the Comforter there with me. The nurse asked if my family in the waiting area should come, I said no. As we saw our baby on the screen, still as small as last time, with no heart beat I cried. We brought in my family, and as my now 6 year old saw our baby she said, "Mommy. Did our baby go to be with Jesus?" I said, "Yes Sweetie. This baby is with Jesus now." The next weeks were full with grief, the D&C I dreaded, and the sweet comfort of my Savior! I can look back there and remember that closeness; that resting peace.
The gold came out of the furnace further refined, and the dross swept away. I had a new understanding, a new outlook, and a new tender place for others.

God has used my sin, my circumstances, my pain, my joys to make me who I am now. God will continue to work until He has brought it to completion! Thank you Jesus! May you be glorified in me!

Do you have a story to share that could encourage someone walking a path you have? Do you have a testimony to the beauty that God will bring out of the ashes of your trials?

Monday, May 02, 2011

Joy

I was feeling in a funk, and I couldn't talk myself out of it. Generally I can rationalize the moodiness and get past it, but for some reason, my attempts were vain that day. We prayed, I told my kids I was struggling and we prayed together. We started going about our business of the day: shopping. (I'm not a shopper...)
On the way into town we sing, so we started to sing and my mood started to lift!
The Joy of the Lord is my strength!
~The Joy of the Lord is my strength!~
The Joy of the Lord is my strength!
~The Joy of the Lord is my strength!~

It was very nice! Then anytime that feeling tried to creep back in, I'd just start singing!
Thank God for the gift of praise! :)

What do you do to lift your mood? Do you think praising while you are down will help next time you're struggling?

Gardening Lessons

Jesus' use of some farming analogies and the Curse in Genesis 3 on the ground have come to a new light on our gardening journey!
I look out on all the weeds in the yard, and see that they grow so well compared to the actual food we are trying to grow... and it reminds me that the ground was to "bring forth for you, both thorns and thistles."
We had several plants that tried to pop up, only to die. Hubby brought up the parable of the seeds sown on different ground.
As disappointing as it has been to find that plants are gone, or withered; it has been sweet to see those same scriptures from a new vantage point.

Anyone else attempting to garden? Do you have any tips?
How's that beautiful purple vine thing Tracey?

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Who Knew?

We have been hard at work on some projects out doors.
We've made raised bed gardens, and planted them (mostly)
I also planted some flowers... Sunflowers, California poppies, Chinese Forget-me-nots and Butterfly weed :)
So I have been out working quite often. (I have the peeling shoulders to prove it too!)

It was Monday while I was mowing some of our 5 acres of weeds that I realized it was probably one of the real quiet times I get! Who knew! Loud as it is, with my ear plugs in even, it is actually a nice time to be stilled within and be quiet. It takes little brain power, so my mind is free to reflect and ponder, and pray.

During this time of reflecting I started considering what the neighbors think of me (little housewife) out there doing quite a bit of manual labor.
First I wondered if they thought I was admirable for taking on anything and everything that needs doing... then I started feeling concerned that they may look down on my hubby because he was not the one out there doing it. That's about when the thought hit me that it really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks! Several minutes later I had to revisit the thought of it not mattering, and to be really honest... it happened several times, so I had to tell myself "I distinctly remember being done with that thought!"
Then today it tried to creep back in as I mowed even more yard (and had to fill the gas tank to boot!) but it was squelched faster this time. ;)

On the garden front, we have a few plants that we bought as seedlings that are having a hard time with the strong wind, and we have lost some :( BUT we have started several from seed that are really exciting to watch pop out of the ground! Today I found pumpkin plants growing!!! much to Aliyah's excitement; carrots growing, cilantro and garlic sprouting up more, and a mixed lettuces patch has it's first seedlings sprouting! I can't believe how exciting this has been for all of us! I am hoping that the feelings last so that we keep taking good care of our project!

Thinking of sprouting... proof that I can mess up just about any science project ;) is sitting in my window sill. We have several jars of seeds that have different conditions so that we can see what is needed for growth. So one jar has no water, one is in the cold, one in the dark, one is our control so it has all it is supposed to need, and the last one should have no oxygen. It has a lid, and the steel wool we put in is supposed to have a reaction that removes the oxygen.
Well, can you guess which jar is actually growing well?
The one that has a lid! It may even leaf soon! I can't believe it is the only one doing well! Now I'm not sure what we do with it. The control isn't growing, and one that shouldn't grow is growing! lol Oh well!

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Playing with our Pentax

So... I'm no photographer (yet) and we have this nice camera that until recently I have been afraid to touch! But with Mother's Day coming I am working on some pictures for Grandmas :) Now that hard part will be choosing!
So far we have...

This is not a moving picture Bri.
This is not a moving picture Bri...

This is not a moving picture Bri!
LOL




Good Love!

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Tea Party

We decided to have a Tea Party tonight :)
Grandpa and Grandma gave us strawberries...
which is enough reason to celebrate to me! ;)


This was Punkin's plate :)
She was so excited to have a pumpkin shaped scone!

This one was Brianna's.


Of course, we didn't actually get dressed up to sit down to tea...
(with China dishes and Silverware!)
we just sat down with all the dirt on their clothes from playing outside!
LOL


Ysa helped make the scones.

Neno sliced the cheese.


Everyone helped with slicing the strawberries!
Aliyah was so proud of Brianna for slicing them without help!


This little sweetie needs to head to the bath!
At which time that outfit will mysteriously disappear to the wash!!!
She's been putting it back on even after it made it to the basket...
so I guess I need to take it to the machine instead.

Sunset!



This was too beautiful to pass up!
(Though I did have wet hair still from a shower... so I rushed it a little)

The real thing seemed to have more orange in it to me.
Made me think my Punkin would enjoy it, so I called everyone to look.


That was when I decided it was picture worthy.
Too bad I don't know much about working a real camera!
These might have come out nicer if I did.



This one got more of the oranges in the shot.
It really had the feel of the light over coming the darkness.
Oranges and Yellows (Joy colors) shown out from behind the clouds brilliantly and changed everything it touched with the colors. :)
Made me feel happy and peaceful.

Monday, April 25, 2011

Failure

Sometimes I wonder why I write.
I like that you read it Tracey :) but I think we are alone out here... lost in the ocean of information we call the web!
I wonder if my motives are pure. Do I write because I want to help, or because I want reassurance, or praise of men? Do I think I have important things to share, or am I trying too hard???

So I question myself in writing this.

I woke up today feeling like a failure.
I'm failing my kids.
I'm failing my husband.
In doing those I'm failing God.
I'm failing my friends who need me.
I cannot keep up with house work and school work and yard work.
I cannot keep my tongue or attitude from being a snare and a problem.
I am just a failure.

So then I start wondering... where does all that come from?
Well, great expectations play a role. No one can do everything, but I expect myself to do almost everything, without a mistake. hmmm. maybe that's a perspective issue.

I know that I let others words/actions hurt me and allow their opinions too much weight. I really should be looking only to please God, but I find it hard not to want to please people.

Part of it may just be an attack, as I try to find things to rejoice over and be thankful always, in every circumstance... maybe this is just a challenge to see if I'll fight and keep on or flee?

When trying to reconcile my thoughts on whether or not to write this, I decided that maybe someone, who needs to hear that they are not alone in feeling this way at times, will stumble across this blog post and be encouraged that others do too sometimes.

I may fail... maybe even frequently, yet I think that even in failing I am not a failure. We learn more from our failings than from our successes... so as long as I choose to learn from those things, they cannot be true failings... can they. ;)

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Greatest in the Kingdom

Tonight we continued looking at the final week of Jesus. Earlier we explained and partook of the Lord's Supper as a family. This evening after our reading about what Jesus did on Maundy Thursday, the littles and I took turns washing each other's feet.

It is a neat practice in some churches that they wash the feet of one other person and have their feet washed before the Lord's Table is served. While you wash, you pray for that person.
It is a really neat experience and I wanted to drive home some points with them about being a servant.

So in the midst of this, I have this fun thought...
The "greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven"... doesn't know that they are the greatest!
They aren't even thinking about that, they are simply serving!
WOW!
What a way to know it isn't me!
So after I posted One Thousand Things last night, I surfed blogs I read and found that Kristy at Waiting for Happy blogged about the same book that day! Only she's actually read the book! LOL

She has also done the more important thing... been thankful in the midst of trials!
It's worth a minute to read :)

Psalm 22

Psalm 22 is a prophetic Psalm, pointing to Jesus. Where as I knew that for some reason it stuck me differently reading it yesterday... I added my thoughts in with the passage below.

1 My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?

This first line is quoted by Jesus on the cross. I wonder was He pointing those around to look at that scripture???

Why are you so far from saving me,
so far from the words of my groaning?
2 O my God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer,
by night, and am not silent.

3 Yet you are enthroned as the Holy One;
you are the praise of Israel.
4 In you our fathers put their trust;
they trusted and you delivered them.
5 They cried to you and were saved;
in you they trusted and were not disappointed.

6 But I am a worm and not a man,
scorned by men and despised by the people.
7 All who see me mock me;
they hurl insults, shaking their heads:
8 “He trusts in the LORD;
let the LORD rescue him.
Let him deliver him,
since he delights in him.”

Did they ever realize that these words of theirs as Jesus hung, were prophesied by King David???

9 Yet you brought me out of the womb;
you made me trust in you
even at my mother’s breast.
10 From birth I was cast upon you;
from my mother’s womb you have been my God.
11 Do not be far from me,
for trouble is near
and there is no one to help.

12 Many bulls surround me;
strong bulls of Bashan encircle me.
13 Roaring lions tearing their prey
open their mouths wide against me.
14 I am poured out like water,
and all my bones are out of joint.
My heart has turned to wax;
it has melted away within me.

15 My strength is dried up like a potsherd,
and my tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth;
you lay me in the dust of death.

16 Dogs have surrounded me;
a band of evil men has encircled me,
they have pierced my hands and my feet.
17 I can count all my bones;
people stare and gloat over me.

18 They divide my garments among them
and cast lots for my clothing.

19 But you, O LORD, be not far off;
O my Strength, come quickly to help me.
20 Deliver my life from the sword,
my precious life from the power of the dogs.
21 Rescue me from the mouth of the lions;
save me from the horns of the wild oxen.

22 I will declare your name to my brothers;
in the congregation I will praise you.
23 You who fear the LORD, praise him!
All you descendants of Jacob, honor him!
Revere him, all you descendants of Israel!
24 For he has not despised or disdained
the suffering of the afflicted one;
he has not hidden his face from him
but has listened to his cry for help.

25 From you comes the theme of my praise in the great assembly;
before those who fear you will I fulfill my vows.
26 The poor will eat and be satisfied;
they who seek the LORD will praise him—
may your hearts live forever!
27 All the ends of the earth
will remember and turn to the LORD,
and all the families of the nations
will bow down before him,
28 for dominion belongs to the LORD
and he rules over the nations.

29 All the rich of the earth will feast and worship;
all who go down to the dust will kneel before him—
those who cannot keep themselves alive.
30 Posterity will serve him;
future generations will be told about the Lord.
31 They will proclaim his righteousness
to a people yet unborn—
for he has done it.

~Hope~

This week we celebrate the Resurrection of Our Lord. The only Hope we have.
But what I really feel compelled to write about is the universality of that Hope.
(Not meaning the doctrine that everyone is already saved, but that Salvation came for everyone to choose.)

The Bible says "There is no one who does good, not even one." and "ALL have sinned and fall short of the glory of God."
We are all desperately sinful! From a man's eye view we justify our own iniquities with a "I'm not as bad as______" mentality; but from a God's eye view none of us even come close to hitting the mark!

Maybe you aren't a murderer... have you ever hated anyone or wished something would happen to them?
Maybe you don't steal, or lie regularly....
But each of us sins, even if only being prideful of how much better we are than those others who commit those "heinous sins."

But here's where Hope entered HisStory.
God knows we can never measure up, so He took it upon Himself to bring Salvation to us.
So, maybe you are a murderer... He loved you enough to die in your place.
Maybe you do steal, He has brought you, Free of Charge, a new life. A life that will be forever.

When we see that all of us sin it should show us we all deserve judgment, and death; when we see the gift of Salvation we see it covers all who are willing to "take up their cross and follow."

You don't have to live with the guilt of your sin. No one is so far gone that they cannot turn to Christ.
Ask and you will receive. Seek and you will find. Knock and the door will be opened.
"Come to Me all you who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest." “Come!” Whoever is thirsty, let him come; and whoever wishes, let him take the free gift of the water of life.
Psalm 103
8 The LORD is compassionate and gracious,
slow to anger, abounding in love.
9 He will not always accuse,
nor will he harbor his anger forever;
10 he does not treat us as our sins deserve
or repay us according to our iniquities.
11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his love for those who fear him;
12 as far as the east is from the west,
so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

A start on One Thousand Things...

I have heard of a book about One Thousand things to be thankful for... little or big, breath taking or common... things you are blessed by. Though I have not read the book, I thought I could start my own list! As things come to mind I can write them down (was thinking I need a special journal for it :) (The more obvious of family and friends I didn't start with...)

1. The feel of a baby's hand close to your heart while they nurse or sleep.

2. The look in a loved ones eyes when they see you. (especially in young children who will have that look even if they saw you 5 minutes ago)

3. The smell of rain.

4. The sunshine on my face.

5. Clean, Hot, running water.

6. The smell of freshly cleaned little girl hair.

7. Cookies baking.

8. Long talks.

9. Walking on the beach.

10. Waterfalls.

11. Watching the stars come out.

12. Picnics.

13. Tea parties.

14. A good book.

15. Sunrise. and Sunset!

16. A bed, roof over my head and the bountiful things I take for granted (like toilet paper and soap!)

Sooo many things to write of... so little time to write! LOL

Another nice quote:

"Play hard, Laugh hard and leave the worries to your Father." ~Max Lucado (my version)

Friday, April 08, 2011

Where My Heart Lies

I have been having quite a few crying sessions lately... not that I am particularly depressed or anything, but that I have been hurting for others. For the loss a friend recently suffered... for the lost little ones who need a family. I don't know if I am perpetuating it by reading blogs of others that keep bring up either loss or the need of these little orphans to be looked after, (or both! on some blogs!) or if the Lord is showing me something.

So many look and say; "Well, your hands are full!" and I wonder at what hubby would think that his wife sits here considering adopting one of the least of these. He feels quite a bit of pressure to provide for the 6 we have... let alone bringing in another, and the expense that is...

But it is for LIFE! Someone else's very life hangs in the balance!!! I'm not a great mom much of the time to even think that I would be the best thing for one of these children... but it would be better than being alone; and there is plenty of love here to share!

This feels like one of the issues where my heart will be at odds with my reality. For now I think I must just pray for God to move! Move me; Move him; Guide us ~Amen!

Thursday, April 07, 2011

Neat New Quote :)

Christian Stay at Home Moms: Changing the World, One Diaper at a Time!

I really like that! LOL ;)

Lessons from Job and his Friends

Reading Job can be confusing, and depressing... but there is much that can be gleaned.

The first lesson I learned from Job's friend's years ago was: "Shut Up!"
There are times where that is really the best thing! They got it right for a week while they sat there and were silent supports for Job. Unfortunately, they opened their mouths!

But since they did we may as well learn some more!

They taught us that though we may think we can judge a situation, we should be wary. They attacked Job with their words, slandered him saying he must be in sin because God would not allow such things to happen if he were not deserving of it.
This reminds me of the idea that some people argue: God must either not be loving, or not exist because of the evil in the world. God allows stuff in our lives. Yes, sometimes our sin gets us into a bad spot, but sometimes it is someone else's sin that causes us to suffer.
We all have free will, so that means some will choose evil, whether in action or inaction. Those who choose evil are the ones who are guilty of being unloving. God allows us to walk through those adversities to come out the other side stronger and purer. And walks with us!
Is there hunger in the world? Yes. So what are we doing about it?
Do we look after the orphan and widow? Do we plead the cause of the oppressed?
Does not God expect us to act? Pray, definitely, and ACT!

I have heard trite answers to others difficulties. "Read your Bible." "You must be in sin. If you weren't things wouldn't be going so badly." Yes, there are times where we can point to a causative in someone's life (the speck vs the plank?!?) and say, "Maybe you outta work on that and this will get better." But, really, if there is not a very obvious, spelled out in scripture issue, we should be careful! Remember we will give account for "every careless word!" (Yikes!)

It is vitally important to read your Bible and to pray. I don't want to down play that in the least, but as the answer to difficult issues... well, I don't think it is being very helpful. I think this approach would be better prefaced with, "I really don't know how to help you..." as otherwise it seems to be more of an accusation against a person... "Well, if you'd just read your Bible this would be fine!" God will allow us hardships that won't make sense on this side of them... and some not this side of heaven; so reading your Bible probably isn't going to make a hardship go away if it isn't a clearly sin issue.

From Job himself we learn that God may consider us blameless and upright though He knows we have much to learn still! Job was questioned "like a man" by God, and learned how little he really knew. But God himself calls him blameless and upright twice at the beginning of the book, and in the end Job is to offer the sacrifices for his friend's. SO hey... you aren't perfect either!!! Don't sweat it, God sees those in Christ through His Son and sees the progress you are making. Just keep moving nearer and nearer, day by day.

These are really the newest additions to my lessons, and unrefined... food for your thought. :)
Be Blessed!

Wednesday, April 06, 2011

The Lessons from the Lady Bugs






This morning I did a bit of weed mowing around our acreage.
I noticed several Lady Bugs that I at first started to avoid, but soon found I really couldn't!



Unfortunately, I noticed that though there was certainly warning (wind generated by the mower, noise, vibration, etc) they would stay where they were. They had the ability to fly off and yet seemed to sit and say, "It's not going to happen to me. It's way over there."

For some reason this highlighted the areas of my life where I sometimes think it's ok to be passive.. "after all it is happening way over there, not to me." This didn't work out so well for the lady bugs today! I don't want to find out what the mower feels like!

As I sit, the mower whirs at the rights of parents in other countries to homeschool their children. They are treated like criminals for wanting to impart knowledge to their own kids without the state doing it.

I sit and parental rights in our own country continue to erode. Children are forcibly given medical treatment neither they nor their parents want. Children are taken from parents who are trying to do their best, not only the abusive ones we are all concerned about.

I sit while there are children starving, literally, across the globe right now. While my own children go to sleep in a safe, warm home, tummies full... there is a child on the street, hungry and cold. Are we resting in our decadence? Do we continue to live lavishly; thanking God for our abundance, yes, but what are we doing for the "least of these?"

Amazing how much one (namely me) can be convicted of by some bugs! ;)

Guess God knows how to get me to pay attention.

Ten little fingers


Ten little fingers.
Ten little toes.
Two twinkling eyes.
One tiny nose.
A great big yawn,
a sleepyhead nod.
You are so Special!
You're a blessing from God!


A Blessing.
A Blessing.
You are a Blessing from God!
Precious Karissa,
You are so special!
You're a blessing from God!


Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Simple things....

In Jr High, my language arts teacher made us write down a quote each day... One in particular has always stood out and galls me.
"Simple things amuse simple minds."

Every time I find enjoyment in something simple I remember that horrid quote.
Maybe I should simply get used to the idea of my own simple-mindedness! ;)

We just got grapefruit scented dish soap again after a long while. It is surprising to me how much more I enjoy that silly (yet necessary) task of washing dishes when the soap smells nice! It is so simple, and yet makes it easier to complete the task with a good attitude. I find that oddly amusing.

On our drive home the other day I had the opportunity to watch a turkey vulture playing on the wind currents. Often I get to watch hawks at play, and at night I get to catch a glimpse of an owl as it swoops past my van. [I'm usually the passenger when this sort of thing happens ;)]
I really enjoy watching them. It reminds me that there is more out there in life than my small bit of world. Some where, a baby is born. Some where, some one is getting married. Some where there is joy, and some where there is sadness. While one weeps, one rejoices, and the sun rises and sets on both. I can get stuck in the here and now, and forget that I am not the center of life, nor the things with which my day or week is occupied. The rise and fall of the hawk or the vulture, some how grounds me back in reality... there is more than this.
As I ponder this, and realize that watching the soaring is a simple thing; I cannot help but think also that maybe what we need in our current fast paced society is some more simple minds enjoying those simple things.
Do you miss the sunset because you are too busy? Do you get the chance to sit back and enjoy the view? Stop and smell the roses? The moments are fleeting and easily missed. Are they simplicity and so common that they are overlooked?
The beauty of these simplicities are that they are profound. They speak of the creativity of our God, of His care (after all He feeds the birds) and serve as a reminder that there is more to life than we are sometimes faced with.

Maybe I am simple minded, but maybe the person quoted never knew the joy and beauty of simplicity. :)

Thursday, March 24, 2011

contrasts

Seated in the midst of angels praising Him and obeying His Words. Crowned with Glory and Majesty, Robed with Light; He chose.........

To be surrounded by scoffers, crowned with thorns, and robed in loin cloth and blood.
To know that agony lay ahead and choose it, considering not it's shame and lowliness.

For you.
For me.

Praise You Jesus! You have overcome death with Life! You have overcome the world!

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

It seems I know exactly what I want to say... maybe for several posts even! until I get here that is. Then my mind is as blank as the screen in front of me.

One thing that has been recurring to me lately, is that I would not view each day and each child the way that I do if I had never lost those precious souls I never got to hold here. As I reflect on loosing Alice and how she lived until she went home, not allowing things to keep her down or take the joy out of life, but persevering... I think of how precious each moment is... a gift... one that I don't want to waste.

Often in the day to day of trivial tasks I loose sight of my place in this grand tapestry woven by God. I start to think my part is meaningless and that I am not doing anything to further His Kingdom or show His glory. But a still small voice spoke to me the other day; I needed to do something for the bigger kids... I must have thought it was important then though I can't recall it now, because I didn't want them to have to wait... as I got up to do it I discovered that Karissa happened to need a diaper change and that is when I heard the still small voice saying:
"Taking care of Karissa, shows the others care too. It demonstrates that their needs will be provided for, that you love them. They will understand that you took care of them in the same manner when they were the helpless one. They will learn to care for others needs too. This is discipleship."
That probably isn't something that conflicts others... obviously the diaper needed changing more than whatever else it was, but for some reason that really hit home in my mind.
They are my disciples. They will learn more from what I do than what I say. When I care for one of them with the right attitude, they all learn from that... they will all feel secure knowing their needs will be met.

Each of these days of diapers and dishes, I am demonstrating to them working for the Lord and not for men and, sadly less often, being joyful in everything.

silliness

funny...
I just posted a comment. The word verification that came up directly after mine was

noses

I always find it funny when it looks *similar* to a word, but this one really was a word.
(Ahhhh, and somewhere in the back of my mind is the quote I was forced to learn in Jr High
"Simple things amuse simple minds.")

Tuesday, February 08, 2011

Alice

Today a dear friend went to be with Jesus. While we rejoice with the angels over her home going, we mourn... deeply.
I had no idea how hard I would take that. It was sudden and shocking... and even after crying about it for hours it doesn't seem real!
Thankfully she is now whole. She is able to freely praise the Lord and isn't limited like she was here. It is obvious she touched many lives with the response I've seen, and will be dearly missed. She was ready though. She had her proverbial house in order, and would talk about "when I'm not around anymore" frequently enough that you knew she had her eyes on the goal and not the distance to it!

It is so odd to me that she was just here last Wednesday, and I was planning on calling her today so we could go visit them tomorrow. She brought back a cd I'd loaned her which we both really enjoyed... it was sad to listen to it today and yet sweet to sing the praises on it knowing that she was singing praises too! We were both adoring at the same time the Lord who brought us together and now has us parted for a time.

Neno said, "It makes me sad to think that they will not see Mrs. Moreland here anymore, they have to wait to see her in heaven, unless Jesus comes back..." It makes me sad too.

Alice, you are missed. Thank you Lord for the time you shared her with us! I pray we will be good stewards of our todays with our loved ones, and hold them close while we can.

Thursday, February 03, 2011

If someone else were mother to my children...

We read today in Exodus about Pharaoh's command to kill all the male babies. We talked about some of the parents who followed the order, and those who practiced civil disobedience... Moses' parents.
This lead to a discussion about the value of life and the modern practice of abortion.

If someone else were my children's mother:
Ysa would've been aborted because a 17 year old, unmarried, high school senior was too scared to face that path.
Neno may have been aborted because of finances, and close proximity in age; or perhaps because my husband wasn't ready to have another.
Aliyah would have been aborted because she has kidney issues, and in-utero we were uncertain what that would mean for her future.
Brianna and Karissa may never have been conceived if "permanent" actions had been taken, but if they were many would have *had* to have them aborted because they had "too many" already, couldn't "afford that many" or don't think they can "handle them all."

As for me, I can't imagine life without them! I thank God for them!

Only those who have been able to be around my kids will fully understand what the world would miss without them.
I can't help but think... what does this world miss now because so many are aborted each day!?!

Edited to add:
I hurt for those who have bought the lies of the abortion industry. Those who made decisions based on fears and the timely counsel that is offered by those who would have us believe that one person's rights mean nothing if they happen to be inside of another person... and that they in fact, are not a person at all. (which is not what ultrasounds show... if they'd only let women see those!)
Just on re-reading this post, I was struck by it's insensitive sound, and felt that more was needed.
If you have experienced the hurt left behind after an abortion, please know that I am not condemning you. I feel for you, and would recommend reading Holly's blog.

odd combination of thoughts

If Ysa were to have a child at the age I had her... I'd be a Grandma in 7 years!!!!!!!!!!! :O woah!

On nights where I am up late I require a snack... really I need it! So I wonder... as an underweight, nursing mother, do I always need that snack and am only awake for it on occasion (which seems to be frequent occasions) or do I need it only because I am still alert and requiring my body and brain to function???? The world may never know... (or care for that matter) ;)

Thursday, January 27, 2011

tornado of the mind

I have so many mixed emotions today.
Sadness, Joy, Expectation, Love, Hurt all mixed up... and so many thoughts to go with them.

10 years ago today, my daddy went to be with Jesus. I'm so filled with Joy that he is there; he is whole; he is free from this world and his struggles; I will see him again. So Sad that I have lost an important man in my life, before so much of my life could happen; that my sister hasn't had him there, even for her wedding; that my kids will only know of him, not know him; missing him.

6 years ago today I let go of the hope that would've been our child in the late summer of that year. I was so hurt at the idea of loosing on this day, why this day; but it has been a blessing to me to have one day to mourn and not two. I am glad God always knows better!!!

I have love for them, hope that one day we will be together, and hurt at having lost their presence in my life for now.
I don't even know I can express in words what today has felt like, but bittersweet seems to be one of my favorites. I'm not going to pretend to be where I'm not. I'm not just fine, but I'm not overwhelmed. I do not mourn like those who have no hope, but I do mourn. I've had my moments, and not when or where I expected them.

Now I don't even know how to end my post... nor what I really wanted to say.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

The Malachi 3:10 Principle

"Test me in this,” says the LORD Almighty, “and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it. "

Try to out give God....
It'll NEVER work!!!

I wasn't exactly trying to out give Him, but I had been talking with my children about this principle of generosity recently, then had the opportunity to give to another family in need. We collected some clothing of a needed size we could quite easily share... didn't even put a dent into the store we have already been blessed with. We collected a few other things and I was touched by the giving spirit some of my children displayed!
We took them to drop them off on our way to another friend's house to visit & drop stuff off... 15 minutes between the 2 stops. When we arrived at the second stop, my friend informed me she had some clothes for us in the exact size we just dropped off!!! Literally TWICE the amount I had just left 15 minutes earlier!!!!
As I marveled at God's display to my husband and children, I joked about how God doubled our gift and how we could never out give Him!
That was Friday... on Sunday, just for fun ;), He gave us another store of clothes of about double the amount we gave AND had someone else tell us they have clothes for us!!!

We now have the ability to give to other families again with the abundance He has blessed us!
Know that God's word is true always!

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

The Lost Art of Letter Writing

Long ago, before computers became the generally accepted mode of communication, we used a pressed fiber sheet and graphite or ink implement with which to make markings on said sheet.
Many fibers can be used for making these sheets like cotton, linen, even elephant dung (ick) but my favorite, being cheap and readily accessible, is tree fibers. There are even forms that are pre-folded and contain art work and sometimes sentiments that may be appropriate for your occasion; like "Merry Christmas;" "Happy Birthday;" or "Thank you!"
Other accessories you may need are specially folded fiber sheets in order to send your message through the postal system* and the necessary postal tax.
*Postal system: an archaic system of boxes and sorting facilities run by government workers which collect and distribute articles and tax the users.

The implement you choose for marking with will need some practice to use well. Wrapping your fingers around close to the tip area will help. After many year of only scrolling your signature and occasional list, you may find that your hand cramps quickly; I suggest starting out slowly, and taking breaks as needed.

Though antiquated with the arrival of email and social networking, many are still moved my a single note sent by post. The art of writing a "thank you card," for example, though extinct prior to the internet communication takeover, still moves many to endearment of the sender and in turn causes the "thanked" to give thanks to the sender!

Wednesday, December 08, 2010

perspective

The LORD has been showing me some areas that my perspective may need a little tweaking.

First... for quite some time I've been a little down on the messages our Pastor gives. They are smart and funny, they are biblical; but they feel so surface level that I wanted something deeper. Each message I'd think of some nugget of Truth I wished he would have brought out. Well, it hit me like a ton of bricks that maybe, just maybe, the HOLY SPIRIT sharing those nuggets with me had nuggets HE was sharing with every believer at their own place... some deeper and some closer to the surface. Maybe my little nuggets of Truth were actually just underneath the surface and I was feeling prideful about "needing more depth" than I was getting.
Time for some perspective.

Then it was about GOD being the ONE in control... as in not me! :-O ;)
I was driving myself home from a failed visit with a friend who happened to be struggling very much emotionally. At first I was upset that I had not gotten to visit, and with the way it was prevented... then I said "GOD is in control. Maybe HE doesn't need me to do HIS work! (like that's news) Maybe I need a reality check. GOD is able to make good of the effort; whether it was prevented by the enemy or was GOD's will that I not visit her at the time doesn't matter... HE will work all things together for the good of those who love HIM, who are called according to HIS purpose." With this perspective firmly in place, I was able to simply pray over the friend from afar, knowing that the SPIRIT I was speaking to was not bound by my location but was with her also.
So today when everything felt like it was going wrong (and my attitude was showing it!) I went... wait a minute! GOD knows all of this is happening. It is NOT outside of HIS control or HIS plan and purpose for me... plans to prosper me and not to harm me, to give me hope and a future. Therefore, these things that seem to be wrong are not all they seem. HE will make good of it!

That perspective, and some Carob Cake, went a long way toward changing my bad attitude. ;)

Wednesday, November 03, 2010

Just 5 more minutes ....

12:02 AM : putting 4 year old back into bed, discover 8 and 11 year olds still awake...
Me: "Good night girls, it's after midnight."
(giggling)
11 Year old: "Good morning Mom, it's after midnight."

LOL!

and another thought....
Every time I get my "to do before baby" list shortened, I add something!
"If only I can do _____________ before she comes." "Well, and maybe _______ too."
At this rate I would be pregnant forever! Good thing I don't have a choice, and in the mean time of waiting, I wont be bored! he he he

Tuesday, November 02, 2010

Trusting God

A running theme that I have been thinking on is "What is it to trust God?" and "when is it ok to tell someone to "Trust God" (Which IMHO is a cliche` way of not offering support to someone who needs a listening ear)

So tonight I think I came up with:

Trusting God is knowing Who He says He is, and believing it even when it doesn't look true in my circumstances. "Let God be true and every man a liar."

So it may feel like He is far away, or uninterested... it may seem like He isn't answering... but I can know that God is not a man that He should lie.

This is another of my "not quite refined" thoughts, but I wanted to jot it down and see what comes of it later.

Roll Call

Since sleep isn't going to happen anyway...
I'll write down some thoughts. :)
Post 1???

The new roll call
Ysabella Olysea
Moriah Janae`
Nathaniel David
Aliyah Miechelle
Brianna Joylinn
Karissa Renee`

:D
We made it to picking *before* she was born!!! Yea!

Sunday, October 03, 2010

Of Dishes and Dusting

I was reminded today, while washing dishes, that instead of drudging through this seemingly endless task (and all the others in the life of housewives,) I should rejoice and give thanks for the blessings they represent. Those blessings, albeit disguised in mess, are: first, that we have food; second, we have the dishes themselves; and, most importantly, each represent a very special blessing... my family.
Maybe I should thank the Lord for each person the dish represents as I wash, and each full tummy, and the bounty He has provided. Maybe I could also pray for each precious-to-the-Lord person that doesn't have a full tummy, or a dish to eat from, or a place to call home.

Ephesians 5:19 Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, 20 always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Colossians 3:23 Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, 24 since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.

Friday, July 16, 2010

Sermons We See

by Edgar Guest

I'd rather see a sermon
than hear one any day;
I'd rather one should walk with me
than merely tell the way.

The eye's a better pupil
and more willing than the ear,
Fine counsel is confusing,
but example's always clear;

And the best of all the preachers
are the men who live their creeds,
For to see good put in action
is what everybody needs.

I soon can learn to do it
if you'll let me see it done;
I can watch your hands in action,
but your tongue too fast may run.

And the lecture you deliver
may be very wise and true,
But I'd rather get my lessons
by observing what you do;

For I might misunderstand you
and the high advice you give,
But there's no misunderstanding
how you act and how you live.

When I see a deed of kindness,
I am eager to be kind.
When a weaker brother stumbles
and a strong man stays behind

Just to see if he can help him,
then the wish grows strong in me
To become as big and thoughtful
as I know that friend to be.

And all travelers can witness
that the best of guides today
Is not the one who tells them,
but the one who shows the way.

One good man teaches many,
men believe what they behold;
One deed of kindness noticed
is worth forty that are told.

Who stands with men of honor
learns to hold his honor dear,
For right living speaks a language
which to every one is clear.

Though an able speaker charms me
with his eloquence, I say,
I'd rather see a sermon
than to hear one, any day.

(a longer version than I have seen before)


Wednesday, July 14, 2010

funny to me

We bought a new set of funnels for the kitchen today. Nothing really special, just plastic funnels... the only ones that they had at the store.
When we went to take off the little sticker package thingy, Honey noticed it said
Made in USA
He said "Usa. [pronounce like Spanish for Use] That must be a town in China."

Anyway, I laughed. :)

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Philippians 4:11B-14
"I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13I can do everything through him who gives me strength."

So many times I consider this verse and think about how I need to be more content in every circumstance. Then tonight it came to me afresh:
"I have learned"
Paul didn't know it at first, he learned it! (I know... Duh!)
He suffered need, hunger and want.
He experienced plenty and fulfillment.

Often as I look back at hard times I have had, I kick myself for not "going through it" contented and "in victory," yet these times were new to me, and the Lord was teaching me... if I had gone through them right away as though I can do all things... I may have begun to believe that I am who can do it and not through Christ alone! I am loathsomely prideful at times... it could have been worse to be victorious and like Moses and Aaron claim the victory as mine. For this Moses and Aaron could not enter the earthly Promised Land!

SO I am learning to be content whatever the circumstances.
:)

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"Therefore, encourage one another and build each other up!"

Reminding me

I believe:

God is Good all the time.

His plan is the only right plan.

Hard times will come to everyone, they are a time to seek His refuge.

In my weakness He is Strong.

My life, breath, being is in Him; likewise for my husband, kids, family and friends... I only need trust Him to have the best plan... see above.

When all else fails, revert to the top.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

A Friend

What she doesn't need:
Your advice on:
  • What she should do
  • What she should think
  • What she should feel

What she does need:
Your:
  • Listening ear
  • Time
  • Acknowledgment of her, and her thoughts and feelings
  • Acceptance
  • Encouragement

Very Rarely she needs:
  • A call to be godly

Thursday, June 03, 2010

What do you say?

Today someone noticing my prego belly and 5 kids in tow asked,
"So this is number 6?"
Innocent enough. I only said, "Yes."

But in my head I was thinking.
"Well actually, this one's not mine to hold yet.
And this one is number 9."

I can't actually say that to most people.
It would be shocking and perhaps depressing for them...
Yet I really hate *not* counting "the others."

It was "too early" for many to "count" them. But when is the right time to start???

Not counting them makes me feel like they didn't matter to me. But they do. They matter to God, Whose Arms they went straight to, and they will always "count" to me.

I guess some things are better left unsaid for the safety of others.