It seems I know exactly what I want to say... maybe for several posts even! until I get here that is. Then my mind is as blank as the screen in front of me.

One thing that has been recurring to me lately, is that I would not view each day and each child the way that I do if I had never lost those precious souls I never got to hold here. As I reflect on loosing Alice and how she lived until she went home, not allowing things to keep her down or take the joy out of life, but persevering... I think of how precious each moment is... a gift... one that I don't want to waste.

Often in the day to day of trivial tasks I loose sight of my place in this grand tapestry woven by God. I start to think my part is meaningless and that I am not doing anything to further His Kingdom or show His glory. But a still small voice spoke to me the other day; I needed to do something for the bigger kids... I must have thought it was important then though I can't recall it now, because I didn't want them to have to wait... as I got up to do it I discovered that Karissa happened to need a diaper change and that is when I heard the still small voice saying:
"Taking care of Karissa, shows the others care too. It demonstrates that their needs will be provided for, that you love them. They will understand that you took care of them in the same manner when they were the helpless one. They will learn to care for others needs too. This is discipleship."
That probably isn't something that conflicts others... obviously the diaper needed changing more than whatever else it was, but for some reason that really hit home in my mind.
They are my disciples. They will learn more from what I do than what I say. When I care for one of them with the right attitude, they all learn from that... they will all feel secure knowing their needs will be met.

Each of these days of diapers and dishes, I am demonstrating to them working for the Lord and not for men and, sadly less often, being joyful in everything.