thoughts on grieving

It's odd to me how grief work is done. No two grieving the same, like the snowflakes and grass blades... yet certain themes running deep within each of our journeys.
Sometimes grief seems like a familiar friend dropping by unannounced... never really certain how long she may stay; whether fleetingly passing through like a cloud blown over the face of the sun, or setting in like the darkness enveloping you with throbbing of heart and sobbing of flesh and spirit.
When I expect it, like on an anniversary of loss, often it is easier than I think it will be. Other times it seems like I'm caught unawares and it is harder than I am prepared for or think it should be.

It was that way in 2006. I was having Aliyah... one year after having a missed miscarriage, followed by a D&C that for me its self caused grief. That anniversary I had not prepared for... I held my sweet Punkin Pie in my arms and wept for the little one I only ever got to hold in my heart. All the while conscious stricken for mourning while in this time of joy. She was not a replacement in my mind, but I did wonder at myself for hurting so deeply that day while wrapping this little blessing I was holding. Why was it so hard that day?

It is now 6 years after that baby left us, though I don't know exactly when it happened, it was in August. The bringing up of the medical issues I thought I had finally gotten through with has only brought a fresh hurt to the surface and numerous questions.
2005, after finding out on a Monday that we had lost our little one, I went that week to a Neurologist (the very one my MD wants me to see now) to have an evaluation of my case history for DMV purposes. He wasn't a bad Dr or rude, but I simply didn't care and it jaded my opinion of him I think.
At that point in my grief, nothing mattered.

No driver's license? Who cares?
I don't have my baby any more.

But I left it all unsaid and let him think whatever of my disconnect he wanted.

Now just considering going back there has dug up things and feelings I didn't realize were still there. And grief seems to linger, close enough to be felt, but in the shadows of daily life.
Do I want to avoid going back because of the hurts it brings?
Do I hide behind the excuses that I don't think there's anything new to find? or why waste the money?
What is my motivation?

Joy sometimes seems elusive when Grief is hanging around, but perhaps that is because we have tried to rename Happiness as Joy; and Happy doesn't play well with Grief. But Joy can be there in all circumstances, as long as we cling to her twin Hope that is. We sometimes let go of Hope, but it doesn't mean Hope is gone, just that we are refusing to choose her companionship.

For now I am choosing, or trying to choose, to embrace Hope and seek out Joy whenever that shade Grief stops by. I can grieve and even cry, yet remain hopeful that my Joy cannot be taken and in the end good will be brought out of all.

How do you cope with grief work in your life?
Are you able to find joy in all circumstances?