the road we walk

I wanted to post my facebook status as:

"Remember to reflect on your own issues, downfalls and struggles more than on those of others. Spending more time worrying about someone else's walk than your own could be a sign that your own is sinking."

Or something like that, then commenting:

"And if you think I posted that about you, you should introspect as I was speaking about me."

I struggle sometimes with comparisons and seeing the shortcomings of a fellow sinner, and not seeing the proverbial plank in mine own eye... I have seen this trait in others too, which prompted the status idea (which I never did, and it would have been a little deceptive as I'm sure there were a few in mind besides my self)

Every now and again the Lord opens back up my mind's eye and I see that the road I walk with Him and the road that others walk is not the same road. Sure it is the "straight and narrow" road alright, but He does not bring us to the same conclusions or convictions as others at the same time.
Maybe my walk by faith in a certain area of life is further along, but you can almost guarantee that their walk is farther along in another area!

It is easy for me to trust God on certain issues without a second thought... but then there are others where, when I get down to the root of my issue, it comes down to trust. Do I trust that God will bring good of whatever is to come, or do I really think that this bad thing I dread is out of His control perhaps? Or that He will allow something that I dread and perhaps want my way more than I want what is His best?

I'm not saying don't lift others up or be concerned about them! By all means "bear one another's burdens" and "pray continually!" However, I'm thinking of our concern and worry over another when it can consume our thoughts and interests. Be concerned about the brother in sin and unrepentant to the point of lifting him up in prayer regularly, but not to the point where it is a focus.

Realize too that an area of conviction is between you and God, and between them and God... Romans 14 puts it something like

"don't be nosy, keep your silence and don't look down on eachother."
(which, as you, can tell is my paraphrase)

Comparisons are discouraging and lead to wrong views of self, whether it is that you are better or that you are worse. I do also look at others and say "I'm so horrid compared to her!" Or other such nonsense.
Look up to compare and we should keep proper perspective! Remembering, of course, that He looks at us through Jesus!

slacking on eucharisto

Sadly, I have been slack in my Thankful lists for several weeks. For the first 5 weeks I had my list with me everywhere and wrote down every little thing. But after a bit I felt I was writing the same thing several times, and then I misplaced the list, and then I just ceased counting, or writing down my list.
SO I want to get back to keeping track!
Here is the pdf link if you want to keep track too. It can be a challenge to find 7 things each day, but it can also help find those "ugly beautiful" things we can give thanks for too.

I don't know what number I am on, but I list away anyway! ;)

• The Edison bill was *not* double (like the first bill showed)
• Our family treated us to a day at the Fair.
• Seeing/connecting with a couple of friends.
• Compliments in unexpected places.
• Doing fun things in the spur of the moment fashion.
• Help from Uncle Tim with kids and strollers!
• A Hubby who enjoys calling me on his breaks
• for this tidbit of truth "May The Word may be in our words to change our worlds."
• For Mercies new every morning
• For healthy children again.
• for almost 12 mimi-me, who is turning into a good friend.

Pay no attention to the date... She tried to reset it and now it has the date all wrong! LOL

thoughts on blogging

So in my thoughts of to blog or not to blog; I struggled with several issues.
The biggest of which was the simple fact that I don't think I am inspiring. My blogs aren't deeply spiritual, and sometimes I don't even have the scriptures I am basing my ideas off of in my post... other times I hit on an idea only to see that I am wrong about something in there.
(Hence the allusion to not being perfect in the title)

So I guess I was left with, do I need to be inspiring, or can I just be me? Silly, ordinary life; sometimes something I feel pressed to share; sometimes just reminders to myself; sometimes pics; others just plain nonsense... this is my life. My life that I share with you, if you'd like; and if not, I guess you won't be reading long.

I think though, I connect most with people putting themselves out there... not the ones that have posts on scriptures and sermons, not that I don't think those are valuable, just that I read them without ever feeling like the person writing it is a person too. Some even have made me feel like I am not a good Christian. Maybe I don't get to pray for an hour a day... I also don't get to pee by myself 9 out of 10 times... that is where I am in my life seasons.
So you can join me here with your cold cuppa tea, since we don't get to drink it hot, and we can enjoy whatever is going on in life together. :)

Simple Woman's Daybook 8/18

FOR TODAY 8/18
Outside my window... Dark and still. Only the stars moving over head and the little critters of night out for a frolic. :) Finishing this in the Hot and Sunny part of the day. It seems still, but maybe that's because it's a breeze, not a gale, out there.

I am thinking... my poor sick baby is concerning me. It's day 3 of a fever with few other symptoms. Time to call the Dr?

I am thankful... things went well for a dear friend yesterday at court. Still a long road, but some of it is past now.
I am also thankful that my littlest sweetheart is nursing again, as with the fever she had refused a couple of meals yesterday.

From the learning rooms... I was discouraged earlier today with what we haven't accomplished in our learning, and in the house for that matter, but we do have another round of mystery illness, and they have had some fun learning experiences this week which will stick better than the text book stuff will anyway! I was encouraged by the blog I shared below in the posts.

In the kitchen... My fry oil has been out far too much lately. >insert guilty smile< and I have some special birthday requests coming up at the beginning of September I am gearing up for. But yesterday's fun was teaching my 9 year old how to make scrambled eggs, and being helped by a soon-to-be-5 and a soon-to-be-3 as we made blueberry scones.

I am wearing... White nursing top, teal pj pants with teddy bear pattern, fuzzy socks (because my feet generate their own cold) Not in PJs anymore ;) More of a workout outfit in black and blue (lol) but it's light and I can clean in it without concerns.

I am creating... we are working on planning out a play called "The Exodus" I may try to record it :)

I am going... to be home bound until kids are better again. Then we have some plans to visit with a few families we don't get to see much. :)

I am wondering... why we have continued the barrage of illnesses this year.

I am reading... Bible... which right now is really interesting to read chronologically as we skip about from Jeremiah to Ezekiel to Kings and Chronicles. School books. Just finished Little Men and looking for our next story book.

I am hoping... to get to some cleaning projects soon, but especially the spot treating carpets before we have my in-love's over.

I am looking forward to... the approaching birthdays and the gifts I am preparing :)
also to having healthy kiddos! and a possible camping trip soon.

I am hearing... Computer humming, the whoosh of the cooler and the rhythm of the fan; the click of the keys beneath my fingers.... and in the daylight... sounds of a toy, children playing and laughing :)

Around the house... I'm stressed about the amount of non-sense on my floor, and the condition of several catch-alls around the house. But my dishes are all cleaned; I found one counter, wiped it; the stove top and oven clean; and have paths. (actually more than just paths in most of the house, only the kids rooms can I describe that poorly) And I have held my poor darling babe as she feels so icky... which to me is the more important thing!

I am pondering... plans and expectations. Are my expectations too high, or my plans too many to fit in their given time? Or am I distracted or lazy since I cannot meet those expectations? Guess this goes back to, What's Important Now; and only working in that area.

One of my favorite things... laughter; the sound, the feel, watching it! :)

A few plans for the rest of the week: I finally got eye appointments for soon-to-be 12 and Hubby (takes me a long time to finally call to make appts!) but I get to sit these out and stay home with babies. I need to get some shopping done, and will be excitedly preparing Birthday cards and gifts for the 2 beginning of September girls.

Here is picture for thought I am sharing...

I love those hugs and smiles!

Would you like to join the Simple Woman's Daybook?

Another of the blogs I read Raley Family's Farm has a great post on Homeschooling with Confidence. I appreciated the reminder to look for learning and not simply muddling through the text or finishing the text as a sign of success.
I know I got great grades in school, but learned relatively little. I would stress about a B- or C! I could keep up at the top of the class in most subjects, but couldn't tell you about the parts of speech or how to properly use a semicolon. I retained Algebra long enough to pass each test, but couldn't do it well now with out a crash course. I don't think I was even taught World History since the Finals were all on US States & Capitals; US Presidents in order; and The Bill of Rights/Amendments to the US Constitution. Hmmm. I can't do all of that anymore either.

I'm not saying don't use any texts, or don't have standards for your school, but ~relax~ and enjoy learning together! A message I found much needed this week!
:)

~Real Life~

I had a strange thought I'd like to share, and please let me know what you think of my reasoning/theology, or just share your own thoughts.

We are created to live eternally.
This place, the material existence we are so used to, is only temporary and really not real.
Heaven and Hell are what's real.

We don't really die in the sense most people think.
Those who leave this world for their eternity will be either alive forever in Heaven, or Hell.
So, you see, only those dead to this world are really alive.

My almost 3 year old asked me "Why did your baby die, Mommy?" and I think mulling over this brought on a sudden brainstorm of this death/life/eternity idea. I've usually thought of our babies as being completed souls, not as a certain age or as babies still, but just being perfected... so this idea of them being alive is nothing new to my mind. The contrast of them being the ones who are truly alive while those of us here are the ones not there yet is what struck me.

What say you?

Just an update on blogging

Since I have had a couple/few things come to mind that I feel I should share, I've decided that I will continue to blog my life and thoughts as they come, and continue to be completely random (as I really am) without much of a direction. :) Sound good? lol

Also my readership (ahem, Tracey) ;) said I should.
SO there... it's settled :)

Ministering to others... just be yourself :)

I've never really considered myself "cool," or "fun," or really even that interesting... my Honey would be mentioning here "that it's a jab" at him since he believes all of those things about me ;) but he is biased.
Any time our church has had a need for youth workers, whether are AWANA leaders or VBS teachers I felt that the kids really would be sad to be stuck with boring little me. Why would any fun, young kid want to hang out with the teacher who isn't really exciting, or lively, but quiet/soft spoken... nerdy. I thought those events were really slightly tamed circus side shows at times, so I really didn't fit in with the talented others, but while I wasn't carting so many littles, I did try to do at least VBS.
One of the last VBS years I put in with my oldest on my back in a carrier... 11 years ago! It was this particular year that I was reminded of recently. A sweet friend, who is preparing for missions ministry school, was sharing with me how much it blessed her to be on my team that year! >shock< She was not the type herself to relish the wild and fun teacher, who to her come across as weird. Me being just my little self and offering it up for God to use, was indeed a blessing to a young saint, and in turn a blessing to me! :)

So next time you think you aren't cut out for the task, think twice... it may in turn be a blessing to others and to yourself as well!

Simple Woman's Daybook 8/5

FOR TODAY
Outside my window... Darkness, as usual. A little earlier the crescent moon was yellowy and hanging just over the western mountains, it has set by now... so the stars will show better now :)

I am thinking... mostly of plans for tomorrow and the weekend... also of praying through the days of Ramadan.

I am thankful... for the Lord's protection on my little one who had a choking experience day before yesterday, and over my sister's family with the gas leak experience yesterday.

From the learning rooms... finishing up our studies of Ancient Egypt and the Bible :) Compared Passover in Exodus with the Traditional Passover Seder now celebrated and learned some about hieroglyphics. Did an excellent plant/leaf study this week for Science, everyone enjoyed it and had a good time taking part.

In the kitchen... Going to try to make a gluten free Challah bread to take Sunday to our class. Since we have several ripe zucchini I am going to attempt adding it to the mix too :)

I am wearing... pjs :) These very loud and out-of-my character, flannel pj pants that my momma gave me for Christmas, a black nursing top, a dark grey hooded knit sweater. (Honey likes the room temp a little chillier than I do)

I am creating...not much other than food projects, but I just read on Jo's daybook that some consider food a valid form of creativity :)
(and if you see her Chocolate marble cake, you have to agree!)
Oh! I did create some cards for my Momma and my niece for their birthdays Saturday! Fun, but Microsoft can be frustrating!

I am going... shopping tomorrow. I get a little nervous about it after the fainting thing... at least for a few months. Just makes me wonder if it will happen again today? In the store? While driving home? :/

I am wondering... if the season of my life, and the season of one of my friend's life will meet again soon?

I am reading... Bible, school, blogs. :) in that order. ;)

I am looking forward to... reading what your Simple things are :)

I am hearing... youtube worship :) provided by Jesus Culture and David Chrowder Band

Around the house... I did a good bit of vacuuming today (I also use it to dust) and then used the air compressor to clean the vac :) We have some painting projects and a couple of things to work on in our storage room.

I am pondering... the blog posts from Lynnette @ Dancing Again. Do I have a blog that is worth my time and my reader's? Do I add value or not? Do I continue because I find it cathartic or do I have a message to reach out with?

One of my favorite things... the little mark left on me from a little ear pressed against my skin. **sigh**

A few plans for the rest of the week: shopping, Sunday School, Some projects around the house, a chiropractor appt.

Here is picture for thought I am sharing...

Love when they play together, and those baby belly laughs!

Wanna join?

thoughts on grieving

It's odd to me how grief work is done. No two grieving the same, like the snowflakes and grass blades... yet certain themes running deep within each of our journeys.
Sometimes grief seems like a familiar friend dropping by unannounced... never really certain how long she may stay; whether fleetingly passing through like a cloud blown over the face of the sun, or setting in like the darkness enveloping you with throbbing of heart and sobbing of flesh and spirit.
When I expect it, like on an anniversary of loss, often it is easier than I think it will be. Other times it seems like I'm caught unawares and it is harder than I am prepared for or think it should be.

It was that way in 2006. I was having Aliyah... one year after having a missed miscarriage, followed by a D&C that for me its self caused grief. That anniversary I had not prepared for... I held my sweet Punkin Pie in my arms and wept for the little one I only ever got to hold in my heart. All the while conscious stricken for mourning while in this time of joy. She was not a replacement in my mind, but I did wonder at myself for hurting so deeply that day while wrapping this little blessing I was holding. Why was it so hard that day?

It is now 6 years after that baby left us, though I don't know exactly when it happened, it was in August. The bringing up of the medical issues I thought I had finally gotten through with has only brought a fresh hurt to the surface and numerous questions.
2005, after finding out on a Monday that we had lost our little one, I went that week to a Neurologist (the very one my MD wants me to see now) to have an evaluation of my case history for DMV purposes. He wasn't a bad Dr or rude, but I simply didn't care and it jaded my opinion of him I think.
At that point in my grief, nothing mattered.

No driver's license? Who cares?
I don't have my baby any more.

But I left it all unsaid and let him think whatever of my disconnect he wanted.

Now just considering going back there has dug up things and feelings I didn't realize were still there. And grief seems to linger, close enough to be felt, but in the shadows of daily life.
Do I want to avoid going back because of the hurts it brings?
Do I hide behind the excuses that I don't think there's anything new to find? or why waste the money?
What is my motivation?

Joy sometimes seems elusive when Grief is hanging around, but perhaps that is because we have tried to rename Happiness as Joy; and Happy doesn't play well with Grief. But Joy can be there in all circumstances, as long as we cling to her twin Hope that is. We sometimes let go of Hope, but it doesn't mean Hope is gone, just that we are refusing to choose her companionship.

For now I am choosing, or trying to choose, to embrace Hope and seek out Joy whenever that shade Grief stops by. I can grieve and even cry, yet remain hopeful that my Joy cannot be taken and in the end good will be brought out of all.

How do you cope with grief work in your life?
Are you able to find joy in all circumstances?